And wow, I wonder which state only has one Excel guru. It must be one of the small ones, like Rhode Island.

Apple Tablet

• great so ipad is a big iphone with excel that costs $30/month. Where’s the killer feature? Tethering? TV? please say it’s TV
• Apple tablet will run iPhone OS 4.0. So wont be able to do Power Point, Word or Excel. Mistake?
• what’s a reasonable estimate for amount of people who want to use a non-excel spreadsheet on a tablet?
• Hate to show my age and lack of hipness, but if the Apple tablet doesn’t run Excel, there is no way it’s replacing my laptop.

Solve Your Problems

• I’m sure there’s an excel formula that will solve your problem! (or maybe, the weekend will help)
• I can’t believe I just found about this now: Excel has data analysis! (including ANOVA, t-test, z-test, etc)
• Norwegian localized version of Excel functions…aaargh! Someone should hang for that one
• Programming an Excel spreadsheet for work. Will probably be running VLOOKUP procedures in my dreams tonight.

Excel Charmers

• They call me the excel spreadsheet charmer.
• After George said "try to break it," Nesbit built an Excel spreadsheet 700 lines long "Even in a headwind, this thing performs," Nesbit
• I’m beginning to feel quite proud of my Excel skills, so obviously I’m about to mess something up pretty soon..
• What can I say? It seems that I am the only MS Excel Guru in the state…

Rules of Math

• Have I mentioned how much I hate math, even when Excel is doing all the calculating? Argh.
• Why isn’t Excel following the rules of mathematics. How do I get it to add two cells together then multiply the result with another cell?
• :can’t remember the last time I helped my youngest with her 8th grade math without needing to fire-up MS Excel. #parenting
• Any jobs out there that do NOT require math, Excel, college or selling skills? I need to know about them.

On the Buses

• Man on the bus is on his laptop, doing excel pivot tables! Has he never taken a bus before? He must think it’s posh, like the train.

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P.S. For more information on Excel VLOOKUP formula, please see the Excel VLOOKUP formula Tutorial on the Contextures Website.

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And if you’re trying to make a timeline in Excel there are instructions here for an Excel Gantt Chart.

Excel Time

• Design an excel that can enter tasks, autocalculate dependencies, start/finish times, and make a gantt chart You mean MS Project? "No!"
• After looking at a lot of different time tracking methods, I’ve been told I have to use an excel spreadsheet. sigh.
• I still can not believe I went for so many years without a timeline excel spreadsheet. I access it more than my internetz
• one of my timesheet entries at work today: "explaining how to open a file in excel".

Wedding Plans

• Excel has fooked up my spreadsheet & I’ve lost all my fecking addresses so wedding thank yous are not going to well.
• I have surprised myself today with excellent excel skills. Best spreadsheet ever!! Wedding organisation is SO important…
• Decided to work on a guest list for the wedding. I am an Excel wannabe. I lost everything. All well. Guess no one is invited.

Clean and Organized

• I color-coded some rows in an Excel spreadsheet to let me know their status. The problem? I forget which color means which status… #fb
• oh yeah! i love how my data looks at pivot table. so clean and organized! finally can leave office and start my weekend in peace
• I was just informed that bc I’m an organized sort of person its my job to make pretty excel charts 4 the accountant of all our biz expenses

Excel Tip of the Day

• Whenever you want to procrastinate on a big project, open an Excel worksheet. That’ll hold you for two hours at least.

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And if you’re mad a formulas too, the Excel Function Examples on the Contextures site might help.

Calc and Recalc

• I love baseball stats, and using Excel gives me more options than just typing stuff into my calculator.
• one yr8 was using a calculator to work out the average then typing it into excel. He said "why can’t i just use the calculator to do it?"
• PC reviewers stopped using massive Excel spreadsheet recalcs as benchmarks almost 20 years ago because PCs got too fast

I Heart Alcohol

• Ok I just completed an excel sheet on beer price analysis. $/ml, $/l, $ per carton equivalent etc.
• I’m a little buzzed from 3 peach mojitos and now I’m back at work staring at excel spreadsheets.
• Today has mainly been a blur. I hate lists. I double hate excel. I heart alcohol.
• too drunk to convert inch measurements to feet/inches. so instead wrote excel formulas to do it for me… I love being a dork…

Stress Reducer?

• Even though it’s been around for 25 years, MS Excel still makes it nearly impossible to make my point with a chart.
• hit by a sudden stress ball – remedy: making a chart in excel

Excel Voodoo

• I got mad at a formula, hissed at my laptop & then Excel shut down. Perhaps I am a voodoo gypsy of some sort and was just not aware?

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And I still use Excel books, but Google makes it possible to do quite a bit in Excel, without looking at books.

Something Useful

• i love @google. just created a timesheet template in excel using crazy formulas. google, making things possible without looking at a book
• I’m starting to wish I learned something useful in all those stats classes.. couldn’t they have at least taught me how to really use excel?
• Just ran into one of my adult ed. tech class students from 6 or 7 years ago. Told me my Excel module still impacted his life a great deal!

Friend and Unfriend

• is concerned that he has lost some FB friends,so has copied and pasted remaining ones into excel spreadsheet and filed under paranoia1.doc
• just us i used excel in a tweet doesn’t mean i want to follow you.

Making Music

• I’m playing Pokemon, making an Excel spreadsheet, and listening to a rap station on Pandora. One of the above does not belong.
• Only language I speak is excel. This is what I need iPod to do: =if({genre}="country",IF({singer}="lady","SKIP",""),"") #speakexcel? #fb

Excel in Space

• just posted part deux of article on building an spatial add-in for Excel on my blog at http://tinyurl.com/yatml8f
• I heard Excel gets used somewhere in Nasa – so it’s got cred. On the street.
• Is the No-Fly List on Microsoft Excel?

All the Power

• Am I the only person in this world who thinks the vlookup function in Excel is a whole bowl of awesome?
• i may not know what to do under the hood of a car, but i can get a formulae to work in excel, v-lookup anybody?.. #isThatSexy?
• Just discovered Excel’s V lookup function. I have the power now. All of it.

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P.S. For help with VLOOKUP formulas, see Excel VLOOKUP Formula.

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And yes, I sometimes work out a formula on paper too, before writing it in Excel. Do you?

Pen and Paper

• smile to myself anytime i figure out how some numbers should work out in excel by doing symbolic manipulation on paper. math school.
• Excel worksheets can be very misleading! Nothing in theory ever is. So why do people believe that businesses can be conducted on paper?
• God old pen and paper can really help when you’re wrestling with an Excel formula… good night all.

Loathing and Disdain

• there is no end to my utter disgust, hatred, loathing, disdain, abhorrence, revulsion, or contempt for the abomination called "MS Excel"
• I hate when people want me to help them with their Excel formulas but don’t want me to explain how to do them.
• Balance: The number of traders who love Excel vs the number of developers who hate it because they must integrate it into other systems.
• I hate doing big projects at work, i never should have told them i am a master at excel. FML

Make It Idiot Proof

• Re-working another Excel workbook. I wish people that didn’t understand Excel wld leave it alone. Pretty comes later. Make it workable 1st.
• These projected earnings don’t make any sense. Either this company is about to go bankrupt, or I clicked the wrong cell in Excel again.
• People. If you don’t know how to freaking use excel, then STOP USING IT. All you are doing is making more work for me. I need a drink.
• Making spreadsheets in excel = easy.Idiot-proofing them so that others can’t screw it up = hard

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P.S. For help with Excel formulas, see Contextures Excel Tips and Tutorials

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Government Reports

• Due diligence is more than an excel sheet with wild guesses on revenues, pass it on.
• Opinions please … if you’re preparing a report for senior Government people, how pretty should the Excel spreadsheet be???

Family Time

• thinks it’s setsy when the hubby emails me with the subject "please modify the excel spreadsheet and send it back to me." Rawr! #fb
• I sent my mom an excel presentation lastnight trying to be serious about the purchase oew furniture. She described it as "cute" thanks mom.
• Looking at an Excel file with 4360 rows of data – everything is blending together. If I don’t make it out alive, tell my mom I love her.

Feature Request

• Dear Microsoft, Why does putting bulleted lists in Excel need to be such a pain? Please fix this ASAP and send me a product update.
• I either need to find out that Excel does magical things that I didn’t know about or invent a spreadsheet that can read my find.
• i wish there was some text based spreadsheet like excel 1.0 without any fancy formating. using it a lot for text merging and stuff.
• It’s so small a thing … but I wish that Excel knew the MEAN function. I keep putting it in and then have to change to AVERAGE.

2010 Predictions

• Bailout extended to Microsoft after it’s discovered that the banking industry is held together with VB6/Excel macros http://is.gd/5t6Ge

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P.S. For lots of magical Excel tips, see  Contextures Excel Tips and Tutorials
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But, if your boss drives you crazy, or Excel ruins your day, you can always turn to drink. Or philosophy.

Who’s the Boss?

• I just submitted an excel spreadsheet as a document turn in. Boss is upset that it’s not in "table form". Not sure how that is possible.
• Dear Boss, why did I want to give you a PDF and not the actual excel sheet? Because I knew you’d eff it up. And you did. Thanks!
• Why is it that my boss wants to use a SUPER-DUPER-ULTRA-DETAILED Excel file? Not only will this create triplicate work, but it’s error prone
• Client asks what position his firm is in a list. Boss prints out excel sheet with (a long) unordered list and tells me to count.
• Office Rule #2: When sending an e-mail attachment of an excel spreadsheet to a superior do NOT call it a spreadshit.
• watching my boss use Excel was torture, my control freak self nearly had a meltdown
• Fun with excel: My boss wants to get rid of "that heavy border," the box that highlights the active cell. Nope, it’s not going anywhere.

Driven to Drink

• My triumph against the evil of Excel is almost complete. Then I’m off work for 4 days. I predict one or more drinks may soon be had.
• still at work. my coworker just brought wine to the office. my excel sheets just became a little bit more interesting.

Draw Your Own Conclusion

• My prof is /drawing/ an "excel "spreadsheet in the board. Yay technology.
• i guess ‘we’ (my department) has decided that using 2x (redundancy) whiteboards is more efficient than using an excel spreadsheet/database

Philosophy Corner

• Looking at a row of insipidness in a collum of inconsequence on someone’s excel spreadsheet of life.

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P.S. If your boss want you to count, you can use one of these Excel Count Functions. And if the boss wants “Table Form”, maybe an Excel Table will solve the problem.

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Thank you for subscribing to the Excel Theatre Blog RSS feed. I appreciate your support

Tomorrow Will Suck

• Finished a budget management solution in Excel incorporating forecast and actuals variance analysis, all thanks to the SUMPRODUCT formula.
• The "transpose" feature of Excel is a bunch of crap
• How do you find out which excel function achieves the result you want? There’s too many to choose from! Blessed be the miracle of choice…
• Goddamn you Excel array formulas. I hate you more than Iceland (the store not the country)
• when i reinvent the qwerty keyboard, i’m NOT going to require a 2-button command to add parenthesis! makes excel work sooooo much longer!
• I hate tiny errors that occur in excel formulas that throw off my entire project and then take 90 mins for me to fix. Tomorrow will suck.

Real Life

• Playing with excel ……. that’s what my weekends have become ……..
• For every new Excel keyboard shortcut I learn, I might as well be CNTRL ALT Delete’ing my chances for friends in real life.
• I could see you with an excel spread sheet with all your friends on the X axis and your feelings on the Y axis.
• I’m thinking of creating a 2010 ‘Spontaneity Shedule’ in an Excel spreadsheet…

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P.S. For help with SUMPRODUCT see Excel Sum Functions — Sum Excel Cells and Bob Phillips’ page on Understanding SUMPRODUCT.

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Thank you for subscribing to the Excel Theatre Blog RSS feed. I appreciate your support