Excel Humor

Excel Twitters 20080830

ByDebra Dalgleish

There were more Excel Twitters than usual this week, and some of that was thanks to Dick Kusleika, who decided to record all his activities in Twitter. I didn’t include those — you can follow Dick and read them for yourself! Anyway, here are some of the Excel comments that I found interesting this week.

Excel Health Hazards

  • Just had a mini-heart attack – opened Excel db with 34 entries and it only showed 4. Damn you AutoFilter!
  • Trying to coerce a 527 line excel spreadsheet into a coherent site map. Brain leaking out my ears….
  • You ever get that effect after playing a game for a long time where you see enemies/whatever everywhere? Experiencing the same w. Excel now.
  • Excel giving me fits. Wish “Help” was actually helpful. It probably makes perfect sense to a Microsoft software engineer.

Excel Hell

  • Having to use excel for any kind of analysis is as engaging an endeavor as having to host my mother-in-law for four weeks.
  • I love it when Excel says “Eh, I might have told you that your 4 hours of work was saved, but I’m a lying bastard. Start over.”
  • Suspicion: in Hell they give you a Win laptop and make you do massive pivot tables in Excel ’00. You “recalculate cells” for an eternity.

Excel Links

  • It’s Friday Eve: Use Excel as a Time Saver in Reading Back Long Legal Descriptions http://tinyurl.com/68qxt9
  • Part 3 of 3 now posted. Dramatic change from the prior two…w/ li’l ol’ Excel 2003. Check it out: http://is.gd/1Z5S
  • Curious tool – http://paraclouding.com (I don’t often think of 3D generative geometry being driving by MS Excel).

Excel Ponderings

  • “bad-ass” and “excel charts” are mutually exclusive.
  • It’s been more than a decade since I first heard the phrase “seemless integration”. Yet somehow, Word, Excel and Powerpoint still aren’t.
  • you know your company is ‘maturing’ when you have 5 spreadsheets for every decision. Note: Andrew Carnegie did not have Excel.
  • I wonder if the federal budget is on one giant Excel sheet?

Excel Is…

  • Excel is a videogame. Business software never has so many pretty colours.
  • MS Excel is like the Human Brain – No one knows how to use more than 3% of it.
  • Excel is a horrible blind date revealed to be a ninja when you are attacked by thugs.
  • there is NOTHING excel can’t do!! it’s a floor wax! it’s a dessert topping!!

Don’t Ask…

  • Working on my excel that lists different types of death. Currently have 29.

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