Excel Humor

Excel Twitters 20090117

ByDebra Dalgleish

In this week’s Excel Twitters we learn about fidelity, whiteboards, dads and Slippery Pete. I also discovered that VBA also means “Virtual Bankruptcy Assistant”, whatever that is. It was a long, cold week, but I didn’t see any tweets about people burning their Excel files to stay warm during Thursday night’s lengthy power outage in Toronto.

And yes, Gordon Moar, I included your tweet, but only after I did a little background check. 😉 It looks like this tweet isn’t the first thing you’ve had published. Do you remember your letter to Electron User in January 1988? Well, I hope that was you! If not, let me know, and I’ll fire my research staff.

A Minor Loss

  • Why are the insert and delete buttons next to each other in excel?
  • I wish Steve Ballmer could sit right next to me and watch his software at work. Maybe he would want to punch Excel too.
  • really excel, what does “Minor loss of fidelity” mean? does it mean you were cheating on me with other users?
  • I find my excel warning message about a “minor loss of fidelity” strangely heartening. It’s, you know, a minor loss. It still loves me.

Dear Dad

  • Just got done conducting a 5 minute crash course in Microsoft Excel with my dad. Man, that’s an up hill battle 😉
  • Dad just called me to say, “I can’t see anything on your website. But maybe because that’s I have Excel 2003.” Wow, I had no response.

I Am Growing Up!

  • Things Excel is not: Application platform, database, fast, 2nd coming of Christ, application platform, image container, Wine-friendly, open.
  • Holy cow, I just made a Budget in Excel! I am growing up!
  • Working on our new CRM system called “Excel”. An upgrade from our existing system called “Whiteboard”.

It’s a Nightmare

  • Just saw comment on forum somewhere: “95% of my programming is in Excel using VBA.” Poor sod. Can’t the UN pass a resolution or something?
  • Writing VBA macro to automate 6 hr process. Why hasn’t my predecessor done this? 6 hours he doesn’t have to do anything else, me thinks.
  • I just can’t believe, honestly, that anyone can critique VBA. To some, it’s a nightmare, to me it’s a living
  • Realising that learning VBA for Excel may be the best investment of time I ever made. (From someone who hates everything Microsoft.)
  • VBA doesn’t read your mind, it just messes with it an awful lot
  • “if you need macros in Excel, you should be using Access” I realize that’s generalized for training, but still completely a lie

Awesome Graphs…For Dummies

  • in 07, I mostly used Access & Excel, ribbon UI is not that great, but I find it easier to program in 07 than 03.
  • Dear sweet god in heaven. I love excel 2007 and how awesome it is to deal with graphs.
  • Excel 2007 feels like Excel for Dummies.

It’s a Mental Game

  • Working on Excel spreadsheets is a tad easier if I imagine I’m doing so in the Caribbean – go ahead…try it!
  • I like changing my name in Office 2007 so people think the page is open by someone else. Today, Excel documents are open by “Slippery Pete”.
  • I’m going to be an excel-stentialist.
  • Excel tweets keep Debra amused. Wonder if this will make the list?
  • Great blues songs about working in Excel have yet to be written. . . .
  • staring at a pinata, a whiteboard, and an excel spreadsheet.

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