Are your nightmares filled with Excel files or creepy clowns? I’ll answer that question after I finish these three delicious plates of pasta. I might need a coffee break too. Oh, and a piece of gum.
Category: Excel Humor
Excel Twitters 20160930
How much Googling of Excel stuff do you do every day? Or are your days filled with menu analysis and pivot table muscles? And I’d love to see a TV script about Excel!
Excel Twitter 20160923
There are Excel books for dummies; should we have Excel messages for dummies too? That might reduce the number of #REF! errors. Or not. Oh, the horror!
Excel Twitter 20160916
With all the seductive whispering, X-rated workbooks, disturbing dreams and nerdgasms, this week’s collection of tweets might not be suitable for children. If you’re underage, or a sensitive type, perhaps you should play Pokeman Go instead.
Excel Twitter 20160909
Are your pivot tables mean? Are your Excel workbooks fact or fiction? Is it a real workday, if Excel is behaving nicely? These, and other important questions, in this week’s Excel tweets.
Excel Twitter 20160819
Do you ever have a roller coaster day with Excel? If so, are pivot tables usually involved? And I know it’s a typo, but “troublesheet” is my new favourite word.
Excel Twitter 20160805
Do your Excel charts look like the Batman logo? Or does your work look more like a $15 mouse, and it’s slowly killing you?
Excel Twitter 20160722
Even if you’ve been in love with Excel for a long time, does it still give you butterflies? Or have you moved on to Pokémon and Hamilton?
Excel Twitter 20160708
Does it feel like you’ve spent 8 hours working in Excel today, or 500 years? It probably doesn’t matter, as long as your pivot table is relevant.
Excel Twitter 20160624
Have you been lying on your résumé, and you have to Google how to make a pivot table? Or is that even a proficiency? Maybe you should go to Starbucks (when it isn’t busy), and think about that.
Excel Twitter 20160617
If you mess up your Excel chart, does that mean you’ve lost the plot? If that joke gave you a migraine, I’m sorry – it was not Our Greatest Work.
Excel Twitter 20160610
After setting up my new laptop, I’ll have to agree with the tweet about stupid default settings. And if the answer is always a pivot table, does that mean they’re funny looking? Enjoy the tweets – I’m going back to my desk to test a formula.
Excel Twitter 20160603
Is your youth fading, and if so, is Excel to blame? Anyway, don’t yell at the paper clip, and leave the pivot table out of it. I’m sure that bloke from 2003 would agree!
Excel Twitter 20160527
Which is worse – “generously formatted” Excel workbooks, or files with “merged and centered” cells? Maybe you can work on that problem if you get bored this summer. Or, just turn everything into a pivot table!
Excel Twitter 20160518
And….we’re back! Finally, all the widgets, gadgets, scripts, feeds, worksheets, connections, and other necessary bits and pieces are working correctly again. For now!
Excel Twitter 20160304
If your boss is annoying you with Excel questions, maybe a Pivot Table will make you feel better. Or, run a mile before work, then spend the rest of the day hiding in your new Excel Batcave.
2016-Mar-24: Twitter has changed its feed (again), so I can’t efficiently collect new tweets for the weekly post. The feed used to show the user name and tweet — now it just shows the user name. Sigh. If the feed ever becomes usable again, or if I find a new way to collect tweets, I”ll start posting here again.
Excel Twitter 20160226
If you’re drowning in Excel data, do you think that a game of Battleship would help? If not, Excel might force you to take a break, and watch some Winnie the Pooh.
Excel Twitter 20160219
If (when) Excel punishes you by crashing, try to remember that things could be worse. At least you don’t have to fight saber-toothed tigers every day.
Excel Twitter 20160212
A boss who is a boulder might not appreciate your new pivot table and VLOOKUP skills. Maybe you should give up using Excel for a while, or explode a few pie charts.
Excel Twitter 20160205
Have you ever hit anyone with a pivot table? No? Not even after taking too much cold medication? Okay, go back to your pie charts.
Excel Twitter 20160129
If Excel’s stupid colours make you (or your friend) cry, a glass of wine might help. Or, as a last resort, try some pivot table pizza!
Excel Twitter 20160122
After you make an Excel chart, do you have a strange craving for pie? How many times do you have to say “pivot table” in a meeting, before people think you’re a nerd.
Excel Twitter 20160115
Thanks for answering my formatting survey last week, and it was too close to call, so, I’ll keep doing both formats. You can skim through the plain text tweets at the top, and the embedded tweets are below.
Excel Twitter 20160108
Welcome back for a new year of Excel Tweets! Please take a minute to answer the quick survey below, to let me know which tweet format you prefer. Thanks!
Excel Twitter 20151218
While you use Excel to plan your Christmas shopping, please sing along with the festive pivot table song. Remember to select the correct cells before you start, and don’t use a Mac!
Happy Holidays, and I’ll see you back here in January!
Excel Twitter 20151211
Don’t let a pivot table make you cry – just add +1 somewhere, and things might work out. And if you have to make a pie chart, a kitchen renovation sounds like the perfect place for it!
Excel Twitter 20151204
Don’t let Excel force you to throw your laptop out the window! Perhaps some not-so-beautiful code could fix things for you. Or the dolphins could help.
Excel Twitter 20151120
Don’t waste time arguing with your boss about trend analysis. Just make a chart, and put some notes beside it.
And speaking of Black Friday workbooks, I’m taking next Friday off, so I’ll see you back here on December 4th.
Excel Twitter 20151113
Should you send a spreadsheet, instead of a love letter? Of course, and remember to save it, so it doesn’t disappear at the end of the day. You don’t have to include a pivot table, but it might help.
Excel Twitter 20151106
To prevent a tragedy, remember to save your Excel work before you leave the office. You don’t want to end up having nightmares that pivot tables don’t exist!
Excel Twitter 20151030
Are all your Excel formulas logical, or would you fail the standardized testing? And if you know more than the instructor, just sit in the back of the class, and read your beer spreadsheet.
Excel Twitter 20151023
Is life easier when you know how to use Excel? Or does that just lead to nightmares and tingling geeky senses?
Excel Twitter 20151016
While your mom is at the Cubs game, you can make friends on the soccer field, or go to a bar, and build a pie chart.
Excel Twitter 20151009
Don’t lie about your Excel skills, or you’ll have to spend your lunch hour solving problems. You could even end up listening to sad country songs, and being paid in beef jerky.
Excel Twitter 20151002
If your Excel formulas won’t work, you might lose your mind, and start daydreaming that people think your Excel jokes are funny. When that happens, try a pivot table.
Excel Twitter 20150925
If your workbook crashes, and Bill Gates won’t send you money to compensate your loss, how will you reignite your love for Excel? Remember, the struggle is real.