When you finish your Excel charts for homework, please start working on the bus timetable report. It should be colour coded, but please, don’t make it orange. So far, my new position at work has taught me how completely overrated Excel spreadsheets are. It took me two days to figure out how to make this…
If your Excel error cost the company millions, it might be time to start shopping – for a new job! I don’t always read fiction, but when I do it’s a spreadsheet with timelines in a developer meeting. #fb Boss demands that I spreadsheet in word instead of excel #workinghardernotsmarter Praise the Excel gods for…
What’s the craziest thing your co-workers have done in Excel? Or do they spend their days doing tedious work on charts and complaining about your data? Today I finally worked out how to make pivot tables in Excel, and more importantly, why. Wondering what kind of idiot sends text in a spreadsheet on a flashy…
Was the original VisiCalc program smaller than a phone icon? How does it compare to Excel? Those third graders could make a chart, to show the difference. Just about to create an Excel chart of my monetary expenses to work out what I can actually afford. HOW OLD AND BORING AM I?! Time consuming, brain…
Happy Halloween! Instead of the Monster Mash, we bring you the Excel Mash, and a few spreadsheet nightmares. If you cross my palm with silver, I’ll gaze into my crystal Excel spreadsheet and see what the spirits reckon. Finished work an hour late with eyes square from Excel-mashing all day. Trying to find an evening…
It’s impressive if your Excel file rivals the great pyramids of Egypt – just don’t include any pyramid charts! I think the most accurate career aptitude test in the world would reveal that I was born to color code Excel spread sheets. Boss asked how is the registration going for SL2 and I heard Excel…
Comic Sans font is only acceptable in an Excel worksheet if you’re also cleaning out the mud room, or doing witchcraft. I am my boss’ excel guru. It makes me happy. Nevermind that I help with fairly simple problems. some people don’t realize how stupid they sound I swear…"I need to upgrade my excel I…
Maybe the Vulcans don’t worry about a minor loss of fidelity in Excel. The rest of us will have a cup of tea, while we try to chill out. You are now and intermediate excel user hahah I love the IT department. #smalljoysatwork Stupid Excel, stop scrolling the whole sheet when I use the arrow…
Maybe this list of Excel tweets should be explained by a hot guy with an accent. Or maybe it’s time for a Scotch, and some makeup. One day, Excel, you and I are going to fall in love. Until that time comes, please just be civil and maybe hold my hand. Really? I ask for…
Be careful if using Excel while drinking frozen margaritas – it could result in formatting worksheets with Comic Sans font. Our IT manager just told my boss to name the excel of her usernames/password "Tracking My Pimples" I have 42 pages of excel work to do and its due tomorrow. #procrastinator. Fml. So glad I…
Don’t be a slacker! Learn how to add formulas in an Excel pivot table, but don’t make pie charts – they’ll make you hungry. Back to scary spreadsheet and muttering dire things at Excel. Business as usual, in other words. Just found out I can add formulas into a Pivot table!!!!!! This definitely made my…
Please don’t murder any Excel workbooks today – leave the spreadsheet violence to the vampires. Instead, put on your wizard’s hat, and do good work. i managed to work excel without sweating (not literally) today. i’m learning :3 Lesson learned: my computer at work cannot sort through 190k rows of excel. Spreadsheet? Database? EXCEL IS…
Maybe the lights wouldn’t flicker, if we stop making worthless cosmetic changes to our Excel workbooks. But don’t ask the IT guy – he’ll just sigh. Its embarrassing that as a finance graduate,I had no idea what is/how to construct a pivot table up until two hours ago #previoustweet #AUS I love #ExtremeCouponing it’s hoarders…
Here’s an Excel question from today’s mailbag. MK asks: I am trying to use countif to find the number of times a word exactly appears in a column – e.g. count the no of times “PACK” appeared in a column excluding “pack” etc. I remember seeing a combination of countif and exact functions used in…
Turn on the Metallica, get out your pencils, and finish your Excel charts. Or, create something pivot-table-tastic! Doing pivot table. And I’m doing it wrong. #friedbrain Thought this girl beside me was playing a game ad then I realized she was deleting grid boxes in excel #imdumb Excel solver cannot solve my problem. #bummer I’m…
Next time your dad does your Excel homework, make sure he finishes it! And be grateful that he didn’t name you Excel. Well, it’s off to do some modelling in Excel! By which I mean I take a revenue number and then multiply it a lot. Learnt a new thing in Excel today. How to…
If you spend the day in Twitter and YouTube, instead of Excel, you might avoid a nervous breakdown. On the other hand, you might lose your job! I was gonna make a spreadsheet kinda thing on Excel for a budget, but failed. I’ll just use pen and paper, much easier.Excel skills are gone I love…
Happy Spreadsheet Day! As part of the celebrations, maybe someone will give you chocolate for working in Excel today, or play Rocky Top when you change tabs. On my birthday next year I’m gonna bring a small band into work to play Rocky Top. Open Excel sheet? Rocky Top. Change tabs? Rocky Top. Who knew…
Which is tougher to learn – Greek or Excel cash flow charts? I could make a drop down for you to select your answer. And remember to celebrate Spreadsheet Day 2011 on Monday, October 17th. Never got pivot tables in Excel, then they suddenly clicked last night! Awesome things they are 
I’m really starting…
It takes lots of creativity to work with Excel. Without it, you’ll end up bent over your des, with clouded thinking. waiting for excel to open is like watching molasses drip out of a jar. #fml I have fuzzy excel brain…my thinking has become very clouded. My optimal problem solving time has been and gone….
Staring at an Excel spreadsheet for many hours can lead to flashbacks, or cravings for breath mints. It’s worth the effort though, if it can lead to world peace. made an Excel dreamsheet…that’s what you call a really exciting spreadsheet. Well, that’s what I call it anyway ^E 13 hours of studying and a 4…
If your eyes are sore, and Excel charts make you sad, don’t have a meltdown. Some cake and wine, or a clubhouse in the breezeway, and you’ll feel better in no time. that moment where you finally conquered the equation problem in your excel spreadsheet #hellyeah I’m hip-deep in Excel spreadsheets and my headphones have…
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Doctor Who. Doctor Who who? Doctor, who blacked out while using Excel? Yes, the jokes are bad, but I can’t do jokes at 7:30 in the morning! My boyfriend and I are making an Excel spreadsheet! This is the kind of stuff I get excited about in relationships… Started a list…
If you’re going to write a spreadsheet poem, it should rhyme – no IFs, ANDs or BUTTs about it. If you’re not planning your holidays with the aid of an excel spreadsheet you aren’t doing it right Want to look busy and not worth talking to? Keep an Excel spreadsheet handy #worktips Does anyone enjoy…
Have you tried R programming? Is it really better than Excel, or is it just easier to spell? Boss kept fussing at me because I was saving things in "Hotmail" instead of Excel. Figured out he was getting an HTML error. Whoa. not fair! I want duvet day…instead I have excel spreadsheet day ahead of…
Questions are often asked in the comments for the Contextures Excel Blog, and sometimes those questions get overlooked, and lost in the shuffle. I’ll post some of the questions here, and please add your suggestions for solving the problems. How Do I Remove Characters? Here is one of those questions, from a commenter named Joanne:…
If you’ve been through the nine circles of Excel, you might start to see animal shapes too. And who hasn’t seen a bit of lion in a spreadsheet? I need more coffee. I’m starting to see animal shapes in the numbers insides my Excel spreadsheet. In other news, I need to spend the afternoon building…
If your roommate has crazy Excel housekeeping sheets, you’d better move before she starts working on her Christmas spreadsheet. That one could really affect your blood pressure! She made an excel spreadsheet of chores that needed to be done each week. I had to initial the sheet when I was finished. #myroommateiscrazy just made my…
You can’t unlock the secrets of Excel unless you work for the Feds, or you paid attention in class. And if you’re over 35, just give up hope – you’ll never understand worksheets. This is my boss when he uses Excel: "What? Why? Stop. Stoooooop! What? WHAT?! AHHHHH? Why?!" […eerie and sudden silence…] WHAT?! The…
Some days, you can get Jell-O eyes from Excel, even if you don’t have a hangover. Just because I can code websites, this does not mean I know why your Microsoft Excel is not working! And now the patter of rain on my office roof disturbing my concentration on a spreadsheet… perhaps I am being…
Don’t wear bright shoes, and avoid bosses who colour the Excel sheets yellow. These things do not make your spreadsheets seem more epic. Two hours work on a massive Excel file wasted because "Select All" turned out to really mean "Select Some." #MSfail I love listening to video game music while at work. It makes…
Some days, it’s tough to deal with Excel and your boss at the same time. Maybe a 460 word explanation would help. Or a quick dance with a robot. Excel isn’t a word-processing software. It’s a spreadsheet software. I think many people don’t know this thing. mike can you help? they hid that thing on…
Please use Excel for good, not evil. Create an Excel bakery, instead of a hitlist. I got an Excel spreadsheet of the ppl who owe me money, in time it will become a hitlist #sorrymom Adding charts to Excel spreadsheets gives the illusion I’m actually accomplishing something meaningful. #lifepostcollege #PGP It’s so dangerous we are…
Yes, we get older, but not smarter, and we deal with our Excel problems any way that we can. But, to be fair, maybe that computer had the Etch-a-Sketch version of Excel. Computer screen freezes on Twitter.. in work.. Boss walking down the corridor.. mild panic.. And just before he arrives.. Open Excel! yey! Wahhhhh,…
Do you reward your perseverance in Excel with Welsh cakes? Apparently they should be served with butter and jam. They probably go nicely with coffee too. That awkward moment when your boss says good morning to you with a big smile on his face and you are too focused on Excel to smile back ._….
A Sorting Hat? Google tells me that’s from the Harry Potter series. Maybe Excel should come with one of those –- that would be grate, errr, great. I should start charging people for giving #Excel tips over the phone so many things I love. 1) you made a SPREADSHEET. 2) the spreadsheet is in the…