Author: Debra Dalgleish

Here’s this week’s collection of Excel tweets, for your Friday entertainment. Which one sounds like something that you could have posted?

Do you ever end up crying in the bathroom, because Excel crashed? Or do you find it relaxing to play with Excel, after a long day at the office? Either way, you’ll probably relate to some of this week’s top Excel tweets.

Would you walk out, if find out that your date can’t work Excel? And do you yell at your Excel formulas, or are they exactly what you needed to make everything work?

Do you like to scare your co-workers, by showing them them all the macros that run your reports? Or is it scarier to open a workbook built by someone who doesn’t know how to use Excel?

Have you ever overdosed on spreadsheets? Do you spend enough time talking about pivot tables? Is there any Excel problem that someone hasn’t written about?

Is it possible to add too many sheets to your Excel workbook? Maybe we should have an 8 PM meeting to discuss this. Or, we could just communicate via our Excel files instead – that sounds like a better idea!

Does the pivot table gang protect your Excel sheets to keep you from messing them up? Or can you be trusted to leave those business-critical processes alone?

Any day is better if you start with a pivot table, right? And don’t tell me that you’ve never heard of that mythical creature! Otherwise, you’ll have to smile and nod while I explain what it is.

Did you forget how to make pivot tables, during the holiday break? Or are you happy to be back at work, organizing your life in Excel, and feeling like a superhero?

While you clean the spaghetti off your face, remember to enter today’s work outfit in Excel. You won’t get a bacon reward if you wear the same thing two days in a row.

Honestly, could you work with people who don’t use INDEX/MATCH? They probably don’t like pivot tables either, I’m sure they never save their work, and all their data is stored in giant, messy piles.

Will the world end if you don’t finish that Excel file? Probably not, but don’t run a macro that adds a pie chart to your Christmas budget. That’s just asking for trouble.

Was your Thanksgiving dinner all about the spreadsheets? Did you relax after the feast with football, or some soothing Excel charts? And remember, all the important Excel commands are hidden in dark corners, so call IT if you can’t find them.

Remember, if coffee can’t help you, a pivot table can! Unless, of course, your computer freezes, or the undergrads are asking too many questions

How’s your day going? Did all your complex Excel formulas work, and you’re dancing out of the office? Or are you taking work home, and crying in front of the computer. At least it’s Friday, so the week is almost over! This Week’s Tweets Here are my favourite tweets, from this week’s collection. ______________________________________ I…

Do you use Excel like duct tape, to “fix” things? If so, don’t brag about it on Twitter – future employers might be reading! And certainly don’t tell anyone, if you think that pie charts are cool!

Do you ever work on old Excel files accidentally? Is your bad behaviour corrupting Excel? Make a few pivot table jokes and you might feel giddy again.

Has Excel ever given you a heart attack? Does the boss like to mess up your perfect worksheets? Which dunderhead wrote the formulas in your workbook?

Can your cat make a pivot table? Were the Jackson 5 singing about Excel? Do your Excel workbooks have fancy moving parts?

Will pivot tables ever learn that you always want a sum, not a count? If not, maybe you could teach your cat to fix it. Or are you too busy building sexy spreadsheets?

Sorry, there’s no Excel Tweets Roundup this week. Twitter changed something recently, and that broke the RSS feeds where I look for Excel tweets. When (if) the Twitter feeds are fixed, I’ll be back! In the meantime, scroll back through the old Roundups – you probably missed a few! –Debra _________________ ______________

Do you remember your first pivot table? Have you ever copied Excel data into infinity? What other stories are in your Excel saga? Thanks to Patrick Matthews for his contribution.

They might use pivot tables at IKEA, but they don’t sell any. However, if they did sell pivot tables, they would be smooth and amazing! And they certainly wouldn’t crash after you used them for 3 hours.

I’d watch a television show about pivot tables – would you? Or are you too busy earning gold stars and wrapping gifts with pages from old Excel books?

Do you spend all day Googling how to do things in Excel? Or are you busy playing chess, and getting your macros to work? Remember, when you send me your answer, don’t hit the Reply All button!

Do you have a favourite Excel function, or would you rather choose between cats and dogs? If you’re busy planning your wedding in a spreadsheet, don’t take time to answer. We don’t want your blood pressure to rise!

How many years have you been making the same mistakes in Excel? Have you accidentally (or intentionally) summoned any demons yet, with your formulas? Do NOT start reading that Demon thread – you’ve been warned!

Would you fake your death if someone asked for Excel help? Or are you too busy, shredding spreadsheets and matching header colours? If you need to relax, try gangster rap or cat photos.

What is your Excel nightmare? Formulas that don’t work? Colour-coordinated vacation spreadsheets? Whispering pivot tables? Everything? Welcome to Purgatory!

Are you afraid to ask what a pivot table is? Or do you know that even a pivot table can’t help you now? Maybe you should make a quick chart, then yell at Excel, and say you’re sorry.

Does Excel give you the spins, or make you gape-mouthed? Maybe that’s why it looks like you use pivot tables! Anyway, before the sky darkens, learn another Excel spell, so you don’t get itchy.

Are spiders guarding your spreadsheets? Does that idea give you nightmares, or is that less frightening than working on someone else’s Excel workbook?

How many days does it take to make an Excel chart? Is that what put you in a bad mood, or was that caused by the late nights studying quantum mechanics?

Is Excel like a magic wand, or a cozy blanket? And would you rather have a spreadsheet or a purse shaped like a dragon? Please note – these questions are not designed to make you cry!

This was the week that Kanye West wanted to burn Excel, and Twitter has never been more excited about “Spread Sheets”. Are you on his team, or do you always have at least one workbook open?

It’s the end of a long week, so do a happy dance if you figured out your Excel problems. If things are still going wrong, just remember that you won’t have to look at Excel again until Merlot Monday.