Category: Excel Humor

Try to keep that pivot table feeling as long as possible. Eventually, some sloppy graph will give you a headache, and that will definitely kill the excitement.

• Guys, formatting charts to look half decent in Excel is so much easier and more intuitive than I expected said nobody ever.
• after battling with an excel spreadsheet all day I finally outsmarted the program
• It always comes down to an Excel spreadsheet. Don’t try to fight it, resistance is futile.
• Really, Microsoft? You update Excel for the Mac & now my spreadsheet shuts down when I type in it. That is the opposite of helpful.
• My "boss" asked me to resend the excel file i sent her because the filter was on. Can’t she just un filter herself? Just saying
• Once in a while I get Excel pivot tables working and I think … whoa, Microsoft makes good stuff. Happily, however, the feeling goes away.
• Getting pissed because my boss thinks he is better at excel than I am. #nerdygirlproblems
• I’m sick to death of looking at reports! Even if I look at someone or something all I see is excel spreadsheets #fml #moaningtweet
• Excel. Pivot tables. Scraping. Vlookup. Fusion. #headache
• If you thought pivot in excel is the bomb…..you havent checked out powerpivot….whatup!!!!
• I found my first purple one! (I’m doing a massive spreadsheet, and every other row is either red or green) I’m glad I am going home soon 🙂
• Birthday present to myself: researching music all day, and making graphs in Excel. Just to be clear, I am legitimately excited about this.
• Yes, I DID make an Excel spreadsheet for my Christmas shopping, stop being jealous.
• Why is the default action of a pivot table to count surely it should be sum….
• Trying to figure out an issue in an excel tool that I don’t even know how to use, but have been put in charge of debugging its VBA code. Yay
• Today I will mostly be confused by a spreadsheet & other people’s incompetence #worklife
• how to get the slop of a graph, using #excel?
• Just entered "how to make a chart" on the help function in Excel #englishmajorproblems

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There are lots of chart tweets in today’s collection. Do people build more charts on the weekend, or do they just tweet about them more often? Or maybe the weekend chart builders have more trouble.

• Disturbed to read: "one thing Excel is good at is creating and formatting charts". Maybe the author was being sarcastic?
• In the words of a fellow #Iran watcher: "BREAKING: Iranians have mastered Excel cycle and are fully capable of making pointless graphs!"
• Another sign I’m getting old – I just wrote my xmas list in an Excel spreadsheet 🙁
• I just spent my Saturday night making a pivot table of our budget. We’re old. What happened to all you can drink 9-11?????
• So proud of myself! Just made a graph in Excel for the first time in YEARS! Didn’t even have to google how! 🙂
• I can write VBA codes to crack passwords but can’t make a chart, silly excel brain #storyofmylife
• Spent the last hour of work, changing the colors on an Excel spread sheet to meet my boss’s OCD standards.
• Oh yes, the boss is in a bad mood. Let’s see if I can send him over the top. I’m going to alter his excel report by just 1 formula ha ha ha
• 12 seconds until I heave this effing excel pivot table through the Latteland front window and out into the middle of 47th Street. *&^$%&!
• Got woken up by a weird dream. Something about excel, offensive looking graphs and numbers. Urgh my work is haunting me! 🙁
• When using Excel the most important question is "Can I make a chart with this information?" #chartsarehappiness
• When Excel finally does what I want I feel the need to shout about it. Ahem. EXCEL ACTUALLY DID WHAT I WANT. Aithankyoo
• Thought pivot tables would solve my excel dilemma. I was wrong. Damn.
• Spent 5 hours building a revenue model in excel today. I thought switching to a marketing major meant I didn’t do this anymore. #fml
• I may not speak French but I speak excel. The code is cracked.
• What I’ve done at work so far: Edited Excel documents, Googled "mail order boyfriends", and talked to my boss about my shoes. Movin on up.
• New biz model: woman frazzled by Excel Layout View–I showed her how to toggle to Worksheet view. She buys me $5 gift card. #disruptive

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Yes, every day in an Excel workbook is just like a a visit to a Las Vegas casino. Except for the cold fingers.

• This dude just said "If you keep adding crap to the table you’re gonna make a sick chart eventually." #excel
• I hate excel. I hate excel so much. I hate charts and numbers and math and my fingers are cold.
• Am putting my entire life (present and future, anyway) into a spreadsheet. It will make me more organised, because Excel = organisation, no?
• Let’s see how long I can pass off randomly scrolling thru excel spreadsheets as work
• data crunching with coffee, grey skies outside, pivot table is a mess #haiku
• Totally just used all my excel knowledge and my free trial to make a pie chart of my spending for November. #Responsible
• I love it when you highlight some cells in Excel and little animated stripes round the area make it look like a Vegas casino.
• Trying to put a great amount numbers in excel and doing something with them that everybody will think I’m done special hard work!
• Why would someone leave it over a year to pick up a 44 page spreadsheet to review and have the nerve to ask me where I got a figure from . .
• I could write a book about my adventures with every boss I’ve ever had and that new mysterious thing: EXCEL
• Almost a million total records to start with, and I fished out the 3 dozen meaninful ones. Some days I love Excel.
• If you jerks don’t stop tweeting every stupid meal you ate, I’m gonna start tweeting screenshots of my Excel documents all day. #NoOnceCares
• I can tell you the stress torque exchange rotation for the alternating axis on a 747 jumbo jet but guess what? I still can’t work excel
• My dad and my brother arguing about how you fill in an excel spreadsheet. My family is hilarious
• Spent an hour and a half making this graph on excel, only to find out that my printer’s out of ink! Now to start over with pencil! #GREAT
• In a wine haze, my mother sparkle fingers at me, "Why don’t you make a spreadsheet itinerary for us for Florida in December?" #sorrynotime
• late night, too much drink in this cup, and damn excel spreadsheet to do… #college
• Girl at work tried to use Chart Wizard in Excel today to make a chart… From a blank spreadsheet with no data on. #numptyalert
• Woke up really angry because of a dream where my co-workers screwed up my excel chart.. I need help.

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Before you resort to creating your own software to replace Excel, drink a little beer, and dream about the Sistine Chapel. That might help you avoid a nervous breakdown.

• In my next life I want to be an accountant. I want to love excel spreadhsheets. I want numbers to excite me. I want budgeting to be my thing
• It took 4 accountants half n hour to split a bill with the help of 3 calculators and an excel spreadsheet #ohdear #iminthewrongcareer lol
• On my work Xmas do and we’re talking about Excel. That’s how we roll…
• You know you’re a nerd when you comment how cool someone’s pivot table is
• I have created my own Sistine chapel in the form of an excel spreadsheet. Creative genius in its purest form. #notinvitedtoparties
• That awkward moment when you click on Excel and don’t realize it’s been open for 3 days with a spreadsheet that you hope hasn’t been changed
• That, my friend is where spontaneous dinner plans are better than your weird excel spreadsheet meal planner :/ #Sucker
• how many designers does it take to print an excel spreadsheet onto an a3 page? apparently three!
• Microsoft Excel is stupid. I’m going to create my own spreadsheet software.
• I need help making a graph on Excel and I am about to have a nervous breakdown
• Just went cross-eyed while cross referencing an Excel spreadsheet. That’s a real thing. #workplacesafety
• You wont believe how stressed I am! I want to scream and drink beer til tomorrow…. god complete these graphs. I hate excel!!!!
• There is a weird recurring noise outside so my co-worker starts a spreadsheet to record the times of day this noise goes off. #ITnerdiness
• I need a pivot table genius. I’m at the end of my skills.
• just got so into the excel spreadsheet i’m working on that i had to put my hair up…. call me shallow one more time #nerdy
• So where is the setting to let me open each Excel workbook in its own instance *by default*? Or am I just holding it wrong?
• I will undoubtedly spend more time formatting a spreadsheet for my packing than I will actually packing. I love Excel, what of it?

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Do the numbers ever end in Excel? Maybe they do, somewhere between the devil and the deep blue sea.

• Today is titled, "My pivot table isn’t working and other Excel issues."
• Looking at the data in excel & trying to graph it for this paper makes me feel like someone asked me to drive blindfolded but not wreck #URG
• I had to send an excel workbook out into the world. I’m kind of terrified what it’ll look like when it comes back to me.
• I’ve fallen out of love with Excel. I thought this would never happen. 🙁
• I have learned so much about excel with these damned sales charts. I still hate it.
• I am so basic I can barely make an excel worksheet. This is why I’m not a business major just incase anyone was wondering.
• Currently eavesdropping on an in-depth conversation about Excel spreadsheet formulas between two very elderly men!
• Things that excite me these days: making charts in excel and analyzing numbers. OMGGGG
• Planning a holiday is so stressful, I even made an Excel spreadsheet so I can compare prices #thingsaregettingserious
• I’ve spent the last 20 minutes of work scrolling down Microsoft Excel to see when the numbers will end… They don’t. Ever. #productive
• Dreading this excel advanced programming course because of work, but I have to attend this because of work.the devil and the deep blue sea.
• oo, oo, who wants to see my new fancy spreadsheet for a summer project? Yes, I know it’s November.
• The frequency function in excel is cool but very unintuitive. If you can get it to work without looking it up your a genius.
• I’ve started to have nightmares about excel sheets and graphs and pie charts.
• When I get stressed, I plan my life out on Microsoft Excel charts. #totallynormal
• Just finished a sweet Excel spreadsheet – sprinkled w/ some yummy macros & a smidgen of VBA. Perfect way to finish off the week! #DontJudge
• Reason #123456789 that I love my hubs – he just sent me a list of potential holiday gifts in an excel spreadsheet. #NerdsRule #MaritalBliss
• awesome thing about the SurfaceRT: you can work with Excel. Biggest problem: no excuse not to fix the spreadsheet anywhere you are.

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What are you thankful for, besides sour cream, pivot tables, pies, and knowing how to make Excel charts?

• Spent the better part of the afternoon writing a macro in VB for Excel! #BadNews: It didn’t work. #GoodNews: I was able to simply record one
• My new-found use of Excel Pivot Tables is going to take my geekiness to all new levels of tracking statistics!
• I’m not saying I work too much, but an Excel spreadsheet did just play a role in my sex dream.
• I told this boy to make one simple spreadsheet. Why is there a spreadsheet explaining another explaining another. WTF.
• I just made an Excel spreadsheet then said aloud to nobody "I really like how that turned out". What the hell have I become?
• I just called a spreadsheet "Dearie" – Me and Excel are like an old married couple. #OfficeSkills
• Chilli sensations, sour cream, coca cola classic, fresh meat & a lot to write on analogue principles, excel tables, graphs & binary..
• Every child sent a letter to Santa. I, however, made an excel spreadsheet and emailed it to him.
• Problem solved. The most efficient way to plan at work is to use the Microsoft Excel "Meal Planner" template
• My mom just emailed me an excel spreadsheet about thanksgiving #help
• I am so proud of myself. I made a complete Excel graph all by myself. That is a major accomplishment for me.
• feeling like a proper accountant right now, payslips and scraps of paper everywhere. a spreadsheet on the computer and my brain hurts :L
• mince pies for breakfast, now making an excel spreadsheet for presents, yeah i’m stoked for christmas 2012!
• There are infinite ways to break Excel I never even dreamed of. #Work #FML
• My boss said "remember AK48" for something excel related and I was like NO PROBLEM B)
• You know you hang w/nerds when a pal is excited that the number of rows in an Excel 2010 worksheet has been increased to over 1 million
• I haven’t written a LICK of code in a week or two. Unless you count Excel. That’s just sad. I’ll NEVER be any good at this rate. 🙁
• I don’t know what I’m more excited for next week, the food or the fact that I won’t have to see an excel spreadsheet for 5 straight days

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It’s a good day if you manage to make a pie chart, have cheese on toast for lunch, and aren’t killed by an Excel function.

• My work laptop can’t handle the awesome power of my excel spreadsheets.
• After turning to Excel and crafting a finely tuned pivot table I have concluded that I need: A. A hot tub or B. A puppy
• Watching someone work in Excel for 75 mins is definitely the most boring thing ever.
• Such a good day at work that even an hour’s training on Excel reports couldn’t remove my smile #mystudentsareawesome
• It took me 2 hours to put together a simple double line graph…. Excel didn’t read my mind the way I wanted it to… Smh ** ****
• Introducing my wife to the delights of Excel pivot tables.
• Not so secret secret: I can code a little, but I suck at putting together Excel spreadsheets 🙁
• If I were to die right now my autopsy would read some stupid excel function #frustratedaf
• a morning battling with excel graphs is not the ideal scenario after a rubbish nights sleep, hoping cheese on toast for lunch helps
• I slow-clap for myself everytime I put together an excel sheet with formulas that work!
• Pivot table training today. Useful but dull
• I made pie charts and stuff in excel today! It was like having a proper job…for a minute.
• I just simply refuse to stare at an excel spreadsheet for the next 2hrs
• #spc12 Presenter actually said: "one of the pitfalls of PowerPivot is that it doesn’t work! " http://t.co/aMZYFDVa
• When I find myself in times of trouble, I make Excel spreadsheets to graph potential outcomes of situations #marriagematerial
• Excel. I was having a good day until you showed up and made me stupid. Go die in a hole .#petulant
• I’m having a party back here by myself because I dont care about stupid excel!!!
• I love sitting in the back row of this IT class and watching as more and more people give up on excel and move onto facebook and solitare

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That’s what Excel should be used for – minced pie assessments. Or should that be minced pi? Would Nate Silver eat that?

• I can write a whole website in code but I can’t pass an Excel test. College is so stupid sometimes. #veryupset
• Right enough work. Brain has melted. Off out for dinner. Note: if you write over formulas in Excel you should be shot. Repeatedly.
• that moment when you realize making a color coded excel spreadsheet of your spring semester was the highlight of your day… #college #lame
• Why would you send me an excel workbook without any formulas?? #actuaryproblems #ugh
• Still don’t get why we’re not taught to use Excel. If I can work a blank spreadsheet, it’s obvious I get the math concept. #RealSkills
• That moment when you did all the graphs for your lab report wrong… Thank god my dad is an Excel genius
• Is it possible to go into beast mode on an excel spreadsheet I have 2.5 hours to finish what normally takes all day? #CorporateGrinding
• Excel error? Let me just change your macro setting… No I don’t really work out. Why yes, I am free for dinner. That’s what I’m banking on.
• Does excel blow up if u pivot the pivot table #pivottablesaresocool
• How has all my years of schooling not taught me how to make a line graph on excel. Good thing we got YouTube tutorials
• Every night, Drunk Nate Silver sits down at a pivot table for dinner. He doesn’t eat. He just crunches numbers. Mostly pi. #drunknatesilver
• The customer tracks issues in Excel… and sends us a SCREENSHOT of the spreadsheet when it’s time for a status update.
• “I copied the excel chart into Paint and created a Jpeg. Are you able to get it clearer for me?” <- adjusted the hue for rosier numbers.
• At a Starbucks downtown and a guy sitting at a table burst out laughing. On his laptop screen? An Excel spreadsheet.
• Time to relax after my first day instore… Then up tomorrow for more work as I stare into the void that is an excel spreadsheet.
• Curse the man who sent me an excel spreadsheet with every single line highlighted with bright yellow #blind
• That awkward moment when you realize that Excel does not magically turn numbers into graphs. #lost #help…
• Other news, the firm have made an Excel spreadsheet to mark the scores of mince pies which will be bought from different places on fridays.

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Even if you are an Excel code poet, you should consider adding more cowbell to your workbooks. You could try that on one of your bossless days.

• Important Advice: Never (even accidentally) rename and replace an Excel #SpreadSheet with a blank one.
• There’s nothing I love more than exploring an Excel workbook with 7 hidden sheets, 16 named ranges, and lots of formulas. #NeedsMoreCowbell
• Masterfully exited Excel-hell only to be grappled to the floor by the PowerPoint demons… Just another day in the life of a Code Poet 🙂
• Disregard that last tweet. Figured it out. Stupid Excel.
• I love Excel. Some formulas can make life easier.
• This is one of the sexiest things in all of math. No, my prof didn’t show us a picture of Kate Upton teaching, he showed us an excel graph
• Actually, even more: Damn you Excel for removing highlights in unfocused windows. 90% of my worksheet switches are to re-find a selection.
• Confession: I don’t (and don’t know how to) use Excel. Whatever tables/charts I do, I do via Word/Pages.
• Have just seen someone use excel to create a flow chart…suddenly exploded 3d pie charts dont seem so bad #tableau
• Hell will be trying to make a graph on an intermittently closing unexpectedly excel so good thing I’m practicing so early
• I keep my Thanksgiving recipes/timelines/etc in an Excel spreadsheet. SO nerdy, but it lets me cook the perfect feast w/o any help!
• The doctor asked me to help her edit her excel spreadsheet and check her email for some files…while she’s preparing the injections…
• I opened my excel sheet since morning but I have yet filled in a word till now. One of those boss-less days.
• Gosh, I just can’t wait for Microsoft Office for iOS. After 10 hours of work I’m just bustin’ to go home and create a pivot table.
• Mother in law calling at 9:45 is never good.. “How do I open that workbook thing you helped me with?” “Open Excel” “Where is that?” …
• One day an over-engineered Excel spreadsheet, connected to a data cube will become sentient and destroy us all.
• Give me a beer and Excel. Watching patterns appear from data noise is quite beautiful. Or maybe I should try #excel pivot without beers.

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Have you ever envisioned Excel in Tupperware form? What does that mean – little sealed containers, instead of cells? Or maybe it’s some logic that I just don’t understand. 

• Dear self, making a report on Excel does not require internet connection. So go to work even if the internet’s not working!
• Slowly but surely learning to love pivot tables #excel
• Excel has logic I just don’t understand… #FML
• Three hours of excel later, I am in a much worse mood than I was when I began this stupid assignment. #grrrr #Ih8ecology #dumbdumbdumb
• Thanks excel. I didn’t really need that 6 hours of work #autosavemyass #heartbroken
• I’m pretty sure that Excel’s implementation of pivot tables is just magic.
• that moment when you realize you missed class because you were stressing so much over how to make graphs on excel.
• "I’m envisioning an excel spreadsheet in Tupperware form." Wow I cannot believe those words left my mouth… But I can #NerdForever
• We’re learning how to make pie charts in excel, and some girl is looking up how to make pies on the Internet..
• I’d rather write code than deal with a spreadsheet pivot table contraption!
• My boss doesn’t know excel and I do. I feel pretty darn useful right now.
• I’ve written some vba code in Excel that has made me way more happy than it should. When did my life go so wrong?
• Today is a happy day ^_^ was told that my excel chart is nicely done ^^
• I hope nobody is looking at my screen cos I just googled how to make bar graph in excel. I’m a dinosaurrrrr.
• working through a market rounding problem…not embarrassed to admit that excel actually helped. 🙂
• Microsoft Excel. Stupid software with endless boxes -_-
• So happy that the nerd in me is awesome at excel spreadsheets. Not having to do any sort of math for this stupid project is fantastic.
• In case anyone was wondering the maximum number of rows you can have in an excel 2003 worksheet is 65,536. And no, that is not enough.

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If you are going to ask your little sister to help with your Excel homework, make sure that she’s not carrying any applesauce.

• There are some engineers who see a problem and think, "I know, I’ll use VB and Excel." Now they have a management job awaiting them. #fb
• I am a boss at Microsoft Excel. I’m not sure if I should be proud of that.
• Excel becomes a different type of monster when you right-click a sheet’s tab and select "view code" #bankai
• I am now going to open an Excel spreadsheet for major curriculum planning. This is as exciting as starting up a new car. (Don’t judge me.)
• Working with PowerPivot is so….ugh
• You know you’re doing some intense excel work when you have dubstep playing in the background
• I wonder how much of my engineering career has been spent adjusting Excel charts (colors, lines, labels, font size) for PowerPoint slides.
• This excel spreadsheet is my baby. I shall cradle it in my arms tonight and run my fingers through its formulas.
• I have an algebra project due tomorrow and I have no idea how to make graphs on excel. And am I working ok it? No. I’m laying in bed.
• I’m basically the bruce springsteen of pivot tables in excel
• I have no idea if excel is stupid or is the formula that I typed in not clear enough **
• who has a computer? We need to look at that excel spreadsheet -what everyone wants to hear at a party
• My schedule for work that my boss just sent me uses Excel and honestly, it’s like reading a foreign language
• That feeling when it’s 8:30 PM and you accidentally delete the wrong Excel worksheet without saving…
• Toddler: What you got there a 1400 line Excel workbook?Let me slap my applesauce on the keyboard and erase all the formatting
• I just created an excel formula containing SUMIF and INDIRECT commands & I think my workbook has become sentient as a result.
• Just scrolled really fast down an Excel spreadsheet. Almost gave myself a seizure.
• 3 infuriating hours and I still can’t create the stupid chart is stupid excel. now trying to get little sister to do my homework for me.

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Is Excel your cup of tea, or does it make you feel confused and angry? Maybe you’re touching the mouse too often.

• My holiday spreadsheet now has 11 worksheets. It may be getting a little out of control :p
• When was the last time you opened an Excel spreadsheet?
• Going down in history as being the worst spreadsheet/graph maker ever #4hrslater
• I feel like an elderly person who is confused and angry with technology when I’m forced to graph in Excel. #luddite
• Dear microsoft: after spending over an hour getting pissed off at excel, i am not remotely interested in windows 8. your timing needs work.
• I’m a simple man. My wish is to one day work on excel without ever touching the mouse.
• If you make me come to work on a saturday i’l play excel sheet games all day
• Making stupid mistakes on excel and having to redo my work… -__- #notmycupoftea
• so apparently Excel pivot tables are sexy….really?…Is there another interpretation of sexy I don’t know about?!
• Alyson is scooping up cat litter, I’m doing an excel spreadsheet, and Alyson’s neighbors are having some kind of crazy awesome party… #wth
• let the magic begins… *opens excel spreadsheet* 😀
• If this lady asks me one more question about this pivot table…. I’ll go brain dead. I promise. Why is she even doing a pivot table? Ugh.
• If i made a graph of how unproductive my computer makes me, i would need to install excel first
• Walked a (slightly older) classmate through drawing a complex graph on Excel after lecture. Good deed done for the day.
• Teaching my fiancé how to make charts in Excel for his work. The joys of dating a computer teacher!
• I actually just googled "how to make graphs in excel". New low.
• They say we are the generation if technology but half these kids don’t know how make an Excel worksheet #seriously

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If you’re having trouble with Excel, and you feel like a dummy, maybe it would help if you dressed up like a spreadsheet. Or ask the kids to help you with those charts!

• Having a Fawlty Towers John Cleese moment because I can’t get a chart to work properly in excel "right I’ll give you 3, then you’re for it"
• I wrote 500 lines of code today. Ask me how Excel can save the world ;D
• I am a Dummy in Excel. Made a Dummy Graph in Excel, And the next day my boss asked me to teach him how to do that. #TrueStory
• I wish there were more things in life that could be quickly solved with a pivot table.
• Careful, Excel is a gateway drug. Soon you’re sneaking Visio charts, then mainlining clip art in PowerPoint, then huffing Paint
• My boss just caught me scrolling down an excel workbook to see how many rows you can have.
• I just used an Excel spreadsheet to generate some SQL Code. I am a bad person
• Obviously Excel was created for the Einsteins of the world. Can’t even make a graph on the damn thing. #TechnologyForDummiesPlease
• work is so horrible today, not the people, the work itself… so many pointless excel charts SO MANY
• Twitter lunch poll: What should my Halloween costume be for work on Friday? Leading candidate is an excel spreadsheet.
• A few if statements, some funny messages, a for loop, 4 lines of VBA code and some colours. Kids have started enjoying math tables in excel.
• if i never have to read another excel spreadsheet + color code / detail it… i would be the happiest girl in the world.
• instead of writing skype virus, why don’t someboby write excel virus so we can finally uninstall excel at work #dbWithoutExcel
• I just created my first pivot table! And yes that was worthy of a post since I can’t run around the office bragging about basic excel skills
• My boss is displaying a high level of proficiency with excel and PowerPoint. It’s like she doesn’t even WANT to be a sr officer at our firm
• **"With a dreamy, far-off look, and her nose stuck in…" two computer monitors and an Excel Workbook. #workproblems
• Excel Training: "Who’s here for pivot tables?!!" Some people actually got excited. I may be on the wrong path in life

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Sure, you can build cool Excel charts, and do a copy and paste. But can you replace an electrical outlet, and stay sane?

• No rush in life as great as the cycling of the sheets of an excel spreadsheet when you hit "enable macros"
• Scratch that, how people can work with excel their whole life and remain sane is a mystery to me
• Excel charts you are working my last nerve! I know I am missing something obvious.
• Seeking: any human that knows how to run freakin’ Excel. I so should have concentrated during all those stupid courses at school.
• Excel has just unexpectedly closed, losing data from all 6 sheets and 9 charts that were open #gutted #alwayssaveyourworkkids
• Just fell asleep with my hand on the number pad, and when I woke up I had about 50 lines of 0’s in my Excel worksheet.
• taught my boss some pivot table functions in excel. her response: "it’s a christmas miracle!" #nerddepartment #loveit
• A cold pint and VPN. Now time to decipher what an Excel "invalid error" might be. Wow thanks for all those details service centre #FML
• This professor never tells us exactly what he wants. How am I supposed to do a huge Excel workbook without precise instructions ?!?
• You know you’re a serious excel spreadsheet boss when you’ve got information in cell AAG189 #corporateworld
• In order to succeed in the business world you must know how to make cool graphs on excel and how to copypaste data onto excel
• Last night when I was drunk and in my room I apparently made an excel chart of how my night went. http://t.co/HJmSidBE
• That lovely moment when you’re in the middle of an excel spreadsheet and your fat foot accidentally pulls the power chord out of the wall.
• Excel wizardry is mostly comprised of pivot tables, pivot graphs, vlookups, and conditional formatting.
• I lift my head from Excel to notice its dark outside. #fml
• Almost 1am and my brain decides it wants to work on an Excel spreadsheet. Obviously.
• Perfect man: one who can work on ur car, replace an elec outlet, AND write an advanced Excel formula like a boss. #SexyHandsBeautifulBrain

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Do you write better Excel code in the shower? Or does Excel move like a snail, no matter where you are?

• Do you think ‘total’ or ‘summary’ is the most used worksheet name in MS Excel?
• If you really hate someone, make him work on a code or an excel model made by someone else.
• Just about had it w/ MS Excel Mac today – moving like a snail because somebody put something invisible & weird in spreadsheet, grrrrr
• Showed the people here how to make charts in Excel (really). I can say that if I get hit by a bus after leaving work today, I left my mark.
• Sometimes the answer is an excel worksheet NOT word. #justsaying
• It’s not even 9am and I’ve already managed to crash an Excel spreadsheet. Today is going to be one of those days 🙁
• making colorful charts in excel sounded better before it became my job.
• Also I need to learn how to use excel tonight and make about 50 different graphs !!! Ahhhh
• Dear Employers – "Use an excel spreadsheet" and "make it look pretty" are not good instructions alone, even less so when combined.
• My daddy needs to teach me how to work Excel and make graphs. Thank the Lord, at least someone in the house knows.
• My head hurts. I’m trying to calculate graphs in Excel and rewrite Macros. These two do not mix.
• *writes a macro that makes a low res picture of bart simpson slowly fill the screen, emails to boss, dons "excel 2010 thug" tshirt*
• Just found out that Excel is sexist. Did a pie chart of male against female students and it picked blue for men & red for women
• Printing out old excel documents from floppies. Just like a boss.
• Laptop out. Hello Excel, my friend *stroking keyboard lovingly*. Today I shall pivot you around many axes. You are mine *Evil laugh*
• I just thought of the perfect excel VBA code while having a shower. How geeky of me. **
• I always feel slightly less confident in a scientist if the graph he’s using to show his results is made in Excel.

__________________

Yes, an Excel spreadsheet might be a terrifying Halloween costume, but what if it’s girly and obnoxious too? Would that be more or less terrifying?

• Awesome. I’m being put to work using Excel. I wish everyday was like this.
• I’ve done a spreadsheet of beers I want to try at the Nottingham beer festival. I am old and sad. There are over 1000 beers though!
• Just ate my whole lunch, and in that timeframe my damn Excel workbook still didn’t finish calculating (some kind of #problems)
• All I wanna do is curl up and eat soup and never see another math problem or excel spreadsheet for as long as I live. #longweek #humpday
• Just finished my 2013 budget for work and I was left with a $1 surplus? Work with me, Excel. Round down!
• Excel has become the MS project of young agile teams. The more time you spend in a spreadsheet, the less it reflects the truth.
• I love Excel so much…but only when I use it for myself. I hate it at work.
• Hello, I’m your new boss. Can you show me how to use Excel? #WhatWouldYouDo?
• Death by Excel today. Not cool. It’s not Excel that I have a problem with. It’s these awful spreadsheets that some people dream up.
• I think I’ll be an Excel spreadsheet for Halloween. They are terrifying.
• Closed excel without saving it. That’ll show it who’s boss. Until tomorrow when I have to do it from scratch.
• Dying an Excel spreadsheet death today. Who knew Pivot Tables and Macros could cause panic attacks?
• I thought this wine would help me be able to make a pivot table but instead it’s making me want to call it quits
• i know i’m living the dream when the highlight of my day is getting to color code an excel spreadsheet….!!!!!!
• I can learn how to perform functions in Excel from a book. It’s how to logically create a spreadsheet that is difficult.
• A new nerd step has been taketh. I just learned how to write an Excel code.
• making my excel presentation and charts obnoxious and girly. everyone at work must suffer.

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If you don’t have a pet bird that will help with your Excel work, maybe the guy sitting beside you on the train would have some advice. Or, ask the auditor to help you.

• But there’s no audit trail with a pivot table. So auditors don’t like ’em. That’s why I use ’em.
• Apparently some people think that my color-coded 2pg excel worksheet Christmas list is overkill. *blank stare* I like gift giving, ok? D …
• Excel charts cause my happy neurons to fire. THEY’RESONEAT. #punny
• You know you’re an accounting geek when you use pivot tables and filters for your wedding/social excel spreadsheets.
• When you start writing nested Excel logic functions that are as long as your forearm, you should probably just learn to code.
• The internet is much more interesting than this excel worksheet…
• Just solved a coworkers problem by reminding him Excel assumes angles are in radians, not degrees. This was followed by much swearing
• this problem is because of fonts? FONTS, EXCEL???
• Me when the ability to change worksheet tab colours was added to Excel: OMG! THAT’S AWESOME. #massiveloser #Excelnerd #notactuallyuseful
• Anyone know how to create MariMekko charts?in excel? I have all the raw data! #desperate #excel #help #chart
• I am still surprised that there are no really good chart/graph tools. Try creating a good looking world map in Microsoft Excel. Good luck!
• Just received an Excel workbook containing 10,000 sheets… :\
• A little homework in Excel before gaming. My pivot tables and arrays are becoming sexier by the version… All your data are belong to us.
• I’m not going to dress as an Excel spreadsheet for Halloween. That sums up my feelings.
• I’ve started to have Excel spreadsheet formula dreams.
• Now I have a Celtic genre radio station because my parakeet & I love the sound of a fiddle and it just made this Excel spreadsheet more fun
• Traveling back to #CLT guy sitting beside me’s working on an Excel spreadsheet that could run NY stock market. . I’m playing Freecell.
• What a terrible day. Clearly, I need to take a "creating complex charts in excel" class.

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If Excel is giving you nightmares, try to avoid the omnishambles, and stop using radar charts.

• Terror is knowing that somewhere, somehow, a gov’t employee is using a calculator to fill in values in an Excel ’97 spreadsheet.
• I guess I don’t know Excel as well as I thought I did. WTH is a pivot table? #mybrainhurts
• that spreadsheet had over 8,000 cells. this genius was deleting information..wait for it..cell by cell. *blankstare*
• the bio teacher is having the time of his life on this excel worksheet that shows natural selection and we’re all dying.
• It’s like the Excel gods do not want me to work tonight.
• User looking for VBA to add a series to an #Excel radar chart. The only correct answer: stop using radar charts!
• One of my Excel pet peeves is when a workbook is sent out in "Page Break Preview" mode. Switch it to "Normal" to keep your spread cred.
• Just had a stupid nightmare that woke me up. I couldn’t figure out something in MS Excel, clicked the wrong thing and erased everything. O.o
• Being asked to complete an Excel spreadsheet form that doesn’t have autoformatting smacks of laziness. You couldn’t format it – why should I
• Oh my gawd. If you create a giant honking Excel report at work, it’s called freaking FREEZE PANES. DO IT OR DIE BY MY HAND. #NGoD
• The moment when you realize you have to dumb down your Excel work…
• It would be nice if Excel allowed simple suppression of zero value chart data labels. Also: world peace.
• Such a rooky mistake! Just lost 4 and a half hours work. Ty excel filters, you deceiving swine. #couldscream Guess I’ll have to start again.
• Solidly in the "hate" phase of my love-hate relationship with Excel.
• We love Excel. We love Excell. Say it with me. Maybe we’ll start believing it. We love Excel. #charts. 😉
• Loving the fact that every speaker so far has leveraged a pivot table to illustrate their point. #smx
• I think I found a bug in Excel :/ and… lost a bunch of work… 🙁
• I’ve reached the last spreadsheet page in excel, I’m putting it on my cv.
• My face is blank, but my eyes are saying "I’m freelance, I’m not here after tomorrow. Sort out your own excel spreadsheet omnishambles."

____________________________

If you’re only as hot as your last worksheet, you’d better skip the pool parties and focus on that budget.

• My Excel teacher just stopped in the middle of class and goes, "Oooh, I just love this stuff! It’s so fun!" #crazycatlady
• Just made the most perfect chart on Excel:) #nerdtweet
• Chances are increasing rapidly that I’m going to slam my fist through an Excel workbook screen.
• I’m really getting into my 20s. Have a excel ssheet budget, I listen to NPR to/from work, Im trying to run, and I hate high fructose crnsyp
• Instead of doing project work, I’m making an excel sheet of all the drinks I know how to make. #LesserofTwoEvils
• the best part of an excel book is usually the Pivot Table
• My boss keeps claiming that "Excel Queen, Emperess of Projects" is not an official grade or recognised role.
• Charts, Excel, numbers, receipts, McDonald’s, and coffee. #mydayinanutshell #goodwiththebad
• i’m meant to be at a pool party but insted i’m here working with Pivot table slicers. I need a new hobby and friends #sadlittleman
• So I had to work yesterday right, and my boss gone get mad at ME cause HE ain’t know how to use excel -____-
• you’re only as hot as your last excel spreadsheet, that’s what I always say
• literally been starring at my screen for 15 minutes trying to figure out how to make a pie chart on excel. #igotnothin
• Thought i was an excel wiz, my boss just saved me an hour with two clicks. #owned
• Publishing can be terribly glamorous except when those giants #excel, #grids and #charts darken your door.
• I always make graphs on PowerPoint and then paste them onto Word or Excel
• Sippin coffee and filling out excel spreadsheets like a boss.

________________________

Where did your life go wrong? Did you forget to alphabetize? Was it a result of dedication or procrastination or time wasted on Excel Gantt charts?

• In a given week, my boss talks to me about this excel spreadsheet for at least 10 hours. Today, we are talking about color coding:(
• That awkward moment when you break everything you and your boss did on Excel. #Oops #Fired
• Crap. I just found myself smiling while working with Excel. Do formulas & pivot tables really bring me joy? WHAT HAVE I BECOME?? #fb
• The moment when your excel amortization problem solves correctly: priceless.
• For the love of sweet baby jesus, don’t use excel if your not going to organize and alphabetize it! Literally takes two extra clicks. ******
• Having to create a pivot table in Excel makes you wonder where you’re life went wrong.
• "Whenever you mention pivot tables in excel, it’s like you’ve crossed over into black arts or something." so entertained by #dc12 roadshow
• Did my 1st excel work by myself. Ok I had a lil help bt I still did it.
• Wrote the coolest lil filter & calculations for my wifes worksheet all night #GoodHusband #Excel #VBA #Macro #HashtagsAreAnnoying
• Student sent me an email saying she spent the afternoon youtubing how to graph on excel. #dedication or #procrastination on something else?
• it’s taking all my willpower to remain professional after figuring out how to work this complicated excel file. Wanna do a hump dance.
• Creating line charts in Excel and drinking beer. This is my life. http://t.co/5emTLQBG
• I thought my film project’d be giving me anxiety over the next week. That was before I sat down to make a chart in Microsoft #Excel… #HELP
• If I send you an excel worksheet..why would you print it, highlight it and MAIL it back to me? #TechFail
• I’ve done it. Broke Microsoft Excel. Pivot tables no longer grab the right data. It’s broken. Now what?
• Can I just tell twitter how much I love Excel formulas!? #MakingAccountingEASY!
• I am an excel spreadsheet ninja!!! Just so you know. 🙂
• I just discovered by accident that Ctrl+N opens up a brand new Excel worksheet. Today is a good day.
• How much time is wasted trying to use Excel to make useful Gantt charts? Too much.

_____________________

Don’t worry – I have those Excel dreams too. Let’s blame the NFL replacement #REF!s.

• I just used Excel to convert data to percentages, then multiply by chart height to get accurate pixels. All hope is gone. #dataNerd
• My boss wants me to put all this info on an excel spread sheet. I don’t think I’ve ever used excel for real life. Wish me luck..
• Next time my Excel spreadsheet doesn’t work, I’m going to blame the replacement #REF!s. #NFL
• anyone else have dreams where they work out how to finish off the formatting of an excel spreadsheet? just me? right then, carry on…
• 100% convinced that when I go to hell I will be forced to work in Microsoft Excel for all eternity
• Just created the most beautiful Excel spreadsheet you probably have ever seen but knowing me it’s completely incorrect.
• i’m too stupid to create #pivot table in #excel, but I’m a hero in modifying them 😀
• Man I love Microsoft excel! How thoughtful of it to hide all my graphs from me in a teeny left hand box. I had a total of 37 sheets going.
• VLOOKUP inside COUNTIF inside AVERAGE inside HLOOKUP pulling from a pivot table. MY BRAIN IS EXPLODING #ihateNAerrors #excelprobs ****
• Excel just turned all of my dates in a chart to 1900. Well played, Microsoft, well played.
• Excel is AMAZING! Watch out world, soon I’ll have harnessed the power of the pivot table
• I love that Microsoft thought to allow Excel to sort columns by color. I can’t think of a usecase, but someone’s happy it’s there, I’m sure.
• OK code nerds, let’s play Who Wants To Troubleshoot Alan’s Excel Macro? [dramatic music, Laker Girls with t-shirt guns]
• I have yet again screwed up a graph…it said "#NAME?" yes, excel. I have a name.
• One day, somebody in my lab will send me an Excel spreadsheet that contains no errors. And I will appreciate it, a lot.
• Awh bless my mother. She thinks I’m some sort of genius because I can put numbers into an Excel spreadsheet
• I think I’m going to use part of my training funds to take a "Power User" Excel class. I want to learn how to do a Pivot Chart.

_______________________

Your day will go better if you wear a super cute outfit, and drink coffee, while working on those tough pivot table problems.

• It is a mistake to think you can solve any problem just with potatoes or Microsoft excel
• I think i have a problem…..making a list on excel just calmed me down!!!! #organize
• Boss asked siri how to use microsoft excel :/ cool bro
• I never thought I’d live to see the day that I needed 10k rows in an excel workbook. It’s so beautiful.
• After several attempts of making this pivot table work, I gave up, got coffee, tried again, and it worked! Magic. #coffeefixeseverything
• I am not in the mood whatsoever to create an excel worksheet to do the accounting cycle for a pretend company with pretend data
• Pitching a musical on spreadsheets. Already penned a gospel rejoice on formulae and reckon I can sort a pivot table tap dance. #backtowork
• I always flirt with the concept of dumping Excel for Numbers, but then I think, do I really need another spreadsheet program in my life?
• I ‘heart’ pivot tables. Thanks Excel. Given me extra time for a cup of tea and a Twitter break. Now if only it could say what it all means?
• I have no clue why strangers keep complimenting me today but apparently I have a super cute outfit on & I make nice graphs on Excel #thanks
• Our IT problem tracker has an issue "Excel is being a dick" as status "resolved". Unlikely.
• did you know that all cells regenerate so after 10 years you have a completely different excel spreadsheet
• Client called to ask if I could stop by Monday to make the letters bigger on the excel spreadsheet I built her. Lost Cause?
• Talking to a fellow mac owner…"why don’t you use Windows to do your excel graph" Me "Nahhh it’s never that serious"
• That feeling when you just know your excel spreadsheet isn’t going to recover your documents
• Did I seriously just Google "How to make a bar chart in Excel"? I swear Excel was simpler when I used it in primary school.
• I used to make bar charts on Excel for fun when I was younger. I was a strange child.

____________________

Sure, but could a British boy show you how to make a chart with an exploding coin? Or would you have to search for that on YouTube?

• Just answered my boss’ MS Excel question with "Is forbidden!!", in the voice of the creepy alien from #StarTrek III. I need a vacation.
• You can never have too much spreadsheet. Or cowbell. But mostly spreadsheet. I totally live by my Excel outlines.
• Just closed my excel sheet that I’ve been working on for over an hour and clicked "don’t save" #fml #imanidiot #problemsofacollegestudent
• My budget on an Excel spreadsheet has corrupted. Does this mean I have too much or not enough money?
• It’s official. Excel formulas are more complicated than HTML code. The formulas on this spreadsheet are doing my head in! :/
• I work with people who don’t know the difference between a spreadsheet and a tab, and a column and a row. We work on excel all day.
• thank god for youtube and the little british boy that just taught me how to make a pie chart on excel
• Excel formulas is just not enough. I do need to learn how to code..
• I don’t care about stupid "if" statements in Excel #itsnaptime
• I have 6 half-written emails, 2 voicemails on my cell, 3 on my work line and an excel worksheet that looks like robot talk. I need a beer.
• PRETTY PLEASE someone who has taken comp sci, meet me at Starbucks at 3 and teach me how to make charts on Excel. This is an urgent tragedy.
• Wifey has just discovered a £1 coin chart for excel. She thinks it would be better if it could explode into different coins for partitioning
• Just saved myself another 5 hours of work using an Excel formula that took 2 minutes to write. Love it.
• I just created a monthly budget excel spreadsheet. Happy half birthday to me. #23.5 #oldandpoor
• OH at MCC “They’re making me take some stupid excel class. I’m going into business, I’m never going to use that.”
• I suppose ‘people watching’ is only a whimsical, harmless pastime if you don’t note their daily movements in an Excel spreadsheet after.
• I literally had to show a coworker how to make an excel spreadsheet. She had me write down each step-left click, right click highlight ****
• That sad moment when you try to high five people at work b/c you managed to make excel do what it’s supposed to
• Boss: "Steve, you’re good at Excel, right?" Me: *opens Google* "Sure, what do you need?"
• Work sent a few of us to an advanced pivot table class. There have been many oooh’s and aaah’s. #nerdalert

____________________

When you finish the code that listens for Christmas sleigh bells, please send me a copy. I’ll send you the $10 that I found in my jeans (if I still have it).

• Took the day off and still ended up producing an Excel pivot table and chart (for personal finances). What is wrong with me.
• I’m so bad at making charts on Excel. My brain so does not work that way.. #DamnYouLeftBraineders…
• Going to write a piece of code now that checks for Christmas Day by listening out for sleigh bells and checking my bank balance. #excel #vba
• You know you’ve forgotten everything you learnt in your high school computer classes when you google how to to make a chart in excel.
• so apparently if your Excel workbook contains more than 15 worksheets, complex formulas and 3000+ lines, it bombs continuously #bleedingeyes
• I love how my professor obsessive compulsively centers all the cells in Excel
• Oh snap, learning how to create pivot tables in Excel at work today…watch out world!! #ExcelNerd
• Just customized some macro code for Excel… Yay for Google.
• Why is Microsoft Excel so dumb it won’t open another workbook when you are editing a cell?? I can’t get it.
• I found $10 in my jeans AND made a 100 on my Excel assignment. Today has been more like the rainy days I love. #iloverain #happyday
• Just learnt how to make bad-ass graphs in excel and I am feeling gooooooood!!! #ilovespreadsheets
• What good is an analyst that doesn’t know how to operate pivot tables in Excel???
• Just made the dopest thing ever in excel. The boss loves it.
• Only person in my class that knows how to work Excel therefore I challenge myself to playing Spider Solitaire whilst doing assignment.
• Why is the Excel LOOKUP function so f’ing difficult to use? I’ve seen assembly code that’s more user friendly.
• So today I have spent 3 and a half hours alternating between swearing at flow charts and swearing at excel – glamorous life this eh?!
• How many designers does it take to print an Excel spreadsheet correctly? Three and counting…
• I can’t even count how many concerts I’ve been to.. oh wait, yes I can. I have an excel spreadsheet.

________________________

Are you a scientist yet? Maybe if you create a few more Excel charts you’ll qualify for the job. If not, you could be an Excel rapper.

• Guy I tutored in data validation in Excel just came to me for help. Cool thing is he almost remembered how to do it himself. #goodfeeling
• If I was a rapper I would be Master Excel – like Master P but able to calculate the reasons why I am single & display them in a pivot chart.
• Making a spreadsheet for recipes with various sheets for various courses of meals… Organized or huge loser…?
• I successfully used formulas on Excel to check my work! #soexcited
• I’m supposed to be writing, but so far today I spent two hours learning how to code Excel VBA macros and watching part of the Panthers game.
• If I could add option 2 @Microsoft Excel, it would be 2 have tabs at top of spreadsheet below ribbon, too–not just at bottom. Just sayin’
• Second most satisfying thing after being able to solve a math problem is figuring something out in excel
• I am analyzing sales using a PIVOT TABLE. I am so legit.
• Spent all day in Excel debugging someone else’s test tool. My code was right all along. Fun times.
• Oy…Hotel sent my confirmation as an Excel spreadsheet. .xlsx to add insult to injury. 🙁
• Maybe EXCEL is the stupid one. DO YOU HEAR ME, EXCEL? It is taking me 20 minutes to figure out how to make a graph that I drew in under 3.
• What I love about microsoft: Microsoft excel. What I hate about microsoft: Microsoft excel.
• I just analyzed data from a lab and made fancy graphs on excel and solved equations and did a write up does that mean I’m a scientist yet?
• I wish I’d listened more in all those Excel spreadsheet tutorials I never bothered going to. Oh.
• Remind me to never use Excel to make a graph ever again #awful
• I am developing an expertise in getting MS Excel to crash. I need to develop parallel skill in workbook recovery…

____________________________

Don’t judge me on my Excel colour choices! That might erase another precious childhood memory, or force me to write a song about spreadsheets.

• "If you understand this, your life will be very easy….. in Excel at least." Hilarity at Sunday work training.
• Going to make the daddy of all sandwiches & then plan my life out with the help of an excel spreadsheet…
• The guy performing at work is singing a song he wrote about Microsoft excel omg
• I’m confident I could reach the Final Four of Excel chart making. It’s my speed that would get me there.
• I had to use Microsoft Excel at work today so now I know another thing I’m terrible at.
• Microsoft Excel’s pivot tables are the Soul music to my James Brown #Ifeelgood #IknewthatIwould #sogood #sogood #cozIgotcellsandformulas
• Work w/ Excel long enough and everything, even ppl, start looking like functions that need to go in their proper cells.
• I’m pretty sure we can divvy this up fairly. You can keep all the Excel charts, and I’ll keep all the Google ones
• For a more accurate account of what I do at work my job title should be changed to ‘Excel support’
• I really regret skipping out on the excel spreadsheet class. #serious
• irrationally scared that for every moment i work with excel, a joyous childhood memory vanishes from my consciousness
• Excel spreadsheets are way too much fun. I live to make bubble charts. #sarcastictweet #oramIbeingserious? You will never kn0o0ow
• Somehow my boss is making me work excel when I haven’t done it since freshman year of high school. #whatamidoing #uh
• My Excel skills are… off the charts.
• Simple. Just put all of them into an excel spreadsheet, make the cells giant, and throw a dart at the screen.
• Scatterplots are the easiest types graphs in excel you can create, yet they are the only graph I can’t seem to get right.
• Colorblind Excel guy just went off on an epic rant about how his boss ‘fixes’ his charts. Hilarious.
• Why yes, I do judge you based on the way you color code your Excel grid.

________________

If you increase your Excel charting skills, you’ll be ready to work on a file that has millions of formulae. And you might even qualify for a sandwich!

• Today I ate an crustless egg sandwich and figured out how to copy charts from Excel to PowerPoint using VBA. Living the dream.
• Oh no wait… can’t sleep, forgot about the spreadsheet -_______-
• Been given a new project in work, I used to like microsoft excel, after a day I now hate it. #sigh
• Yup looking like an all nighter up in here. Making ramen and cursing at microsoft excel, sorting thru jibberish. #collegeproblems #FML
• Every single time I open a excel spreadsheet to update business plan, I lose 2 hours of my life. How do accountants do it!?
• After getting lectured on how all Finance majors should know how to work Excel…I can’t figure out how to work this part of Excel.
• Just had to prove my Excel work was correct by printing a PDF and zooming in 600% to show that a 5 wasn’t a 6. #math
• Started typing a tweet, not realizing I was typing it into an excel sheet I was doing for work. :/ That would have been embarrassing!
• I am making a list. On an Excel spreadsheet! What the hell is happening to me?
• Just spent the whole morning working out how to put individual error bars on a graph in excel – hardest thing I’ve had to do in my PhD!!
• do you ever have that problem where you build crazy models in Excel and then completely forget how they work? … that
• Just created an excel file for work which has just under 2.25 MILLION formulae in it. File size was over 200MB. Might be an issue to email.
• Today, I increased my skills with Excel’s graphs. That was painful…
• just spent 2 hours making an excel spreadsheet to keep track of hours/tips/pay avgs at my job.. for fun.. its even color coded. what. am. i.
• Just discovered that Excel acts very strangely when sorting derived tables. Now have to check all other work based on same set… Fun.
• Let’s all take a moment and revel in the fact that I just made a totally sick Excel spreadsheet… **

______________________________

After you waste two hours struggling with a chart or pivot table, call your nephew, the finance guy, to see if he can help. It’s better than throwing your computer out the window.

• I love when my boyfriend decreases my work stress by writing Excel formulas for me! #DatingANerdIsHandy
• What my night consists of: Excel, stupid formulas, wrong data, and crappy charts. **** #homework #excel #chart
• Getting annoyed with this prof because she isn’t using a quicker excel function for this problem. I am a nerd
• I’d like to say thanks to Mrs. Rhodes, and enabling me to be a boss at using Excel. Even if it is just for football playbooks.
• That moment when you make changes to data, refresh the pivot table and all the numbers come out the way you want. Yeah that! #geektweet
• After a full minute of confusion, finally realized Excel hides the "Import" menu item when you have an chart (rather than a cell) selected.
• The finance guy is unsuccessfully trying to explain a Excel spreadsheet to a tech-challenged Uncle on the phone. I wonder who will first 1/2
• Today I taught my boss how to use sort in Excel. He acted like I invented the wheel. Next week, he’ll forget how. #jobsecurity
• Just wasted 2 hours of my life unsuccessfully trying to insert a bar graph into a lab report. I’m officially never using Excel again. #fml
• My boss is really making me stay here til she figures out how to work this excel spreadsheet
• In case you were wondering, there are 1,048,576 rows in an excel spreadsheet. I found this out accidentally.
• "Wow! Everybody comes to you with excel questions huh? What are you the excel evangelist?" -my boss to my coworker ****
• i think the only thing this professor lives for is making charts on excel….
• Two hr battle w/ pivot tables lost. What a waste of time. I could’ve answered hw question in 5 min with a regular Excel sheet. #angrytweet
• Have a very convoluted Excel worksheet going equating liters of mixers needed per guest vs. cases of coke. #costco
• Constantly asked by coworkers if i can make a web form that looks like an Excel spreadsheet… Maybe you should just use Excel, guys.
• The sound of an Excel spreadsheet being hurled through a plate glass window is surprisingly beautiful.

_____________________

Do not try to create crazy Excel charts at home, or you might end up with nightmares. Stick to a simple scatter chart, or just scatter some paper on your desk.

• First working day after leaving my job, ex boss phones to ask how to use Excel #genius
• They should design Excel so that you can choose if you want a tab to be a worksheet or a Word-type document. That way u can have 1 file!
• Tip of the day: if you scatter papers all over your desk and open a random excel spreadsheet, you will appear busy. You’re welcome.
• I now know what to do when you accidentally hide every cell in an Excel worksheet. My, erm, friend did it and I helped him.
• My Excel spreadsheet has no column A. How is this possible? Did I break it?
• When you were a kid ghosts & vampires haunted you now it’s excel sheets & graphs #nightmare
• Nothing like opening an Excel spreadsheet, just to double check, and finding it completely empty.
• My boss thought I was amazing because I changed the colors and fonts of things in Microsoft excel… #illtakeit
• An excel class? As in formulas and pivot tables? Bring alcohol.
• As with haute couture, these fancy chart designs are fun to look at, but should probably never actually be used #Excel https://t.co/tnyyh6tA
• If I could work with Excel documents all day long I’d be one giddy girl #geek
• Best of Prince makes dealing with Excel charts more bearable. Though does involve embarrassingly enthusiastic foot tapping.
• It pays to have a 5th grader. She just showed me whiz-bang chart formatting in Excel that I never knew. So I guess she is smarter than I am.
• Ways 2 Look Busy at Work: #7 Open Excel & start making a nonsensical spreadsheet or 1 of your fav bars ranked by drink price and ambiance.
• it’s almost funny how a computer program can make you feel so stupid and helpless. #excel
• Excel was doing pivot tables before pivoting was even cool.
• OK people! I won’t try to save lives if you won’t try to "fix" an excel spreadsheet. M’kay? K. Thx bye.
• I’m flying to Dallas tomorrow for an advanced Excel workshop taught by two Microsoft MVPs. My boss calls it Jedi Master training.
• Interesting, when you group and collapse cells which are the source of chart, chart contents disappear. #Epiphany #Eureka #Wow #Excel
• Today is turning into one of those ‘crash Excel every five minutes’ type of days. #fml

__________________________

If the numbers guy doesn’t know how to make a pivot table, that’s bad news. How will you make it look like you’ve hit your target?

• Never understood the appeal of setting Excel calculation to Manual. Oh, hello 40×500000 cell worksheet almost wholly made of vlookups…
• If anyone needs me, I’ll be over here, staring intently at this pivot table and sobbing quietly. It’s a life of surprises.
• All I want to do is formulate a simple pie chart showing my love for different kinds of cake; what is wrong with you Microsoft Excel?!!
• The boss just yelled at someone for not being good enough at Excel to be able to make these results look like we’d actually hit our target.
• I love having my time wasted while Excel thinks and thinks….. and thinks…… and thinks…… #fail
• It’s time to admit a problem when I’ve created a color-coded excel spreadsheet for our TV shows #FallTVschedule
• I figured out how to make a graph on Excel, and now I feel really accomplished.
• Are you kidding me? Company hired a new guy and he doesn’t even know the basic functionality of an excel spreadsheet.
• A list of 5 things does not need to be an excel spreadsheet! STOP THE MADNESS!
• My boss added an extra pivot table to my weekly utilization reports and now I feel like I’ve been inappropriately caressed.
• No one showed up for work today. Also, I broke Excel.
• Every time I look at an excel spreadsheet a fairy dies.
• Tweet planning is so much easier in #excel, why didn’t I do this sooner? I love you character count function! #socialmedia #tip
• I don’t wanna sound like a badass or anything, but I made it to the bottom of an excel spreadsheet once during class
• hey there I love excel spreadsheets, and thats not a metaphor for anything
• I hate group projects. Example: "I’m a numbers guy, I know stats." – Doesn’t know how to make a pivot table.
• I need to go back to 7th grade and learn how to work with excel -__-
• Stupid Excel is trying to remove my habit of typing both parenthesis and then typing inside. WELL BAD NEWS, PAL.

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If you make your mom a burrito, she might wake up and help you with those Excel charts.

• Mom, wake up please, and teach me how to make a graph on Excel, thanks.
• Microsoft Excel will be the end of me. I am a human being, I have fingers, and there is a pencil. I can plot a graph by myself.
• my dad messed up the excel chart I asked him to make for me
• Received a message from a chap on an online dating site saying he’d like to ‘chart with me’. Excel is clearly trying to take over my life.
• I can do anything in Excel. As long as it doesn’t require a pivot table.
• Watching YouTube videos on excel pivot tables #thelowpoint
• This afternoon I’m showing people how to create #pareto charts in #excel. That’s pareto not burrito!
• If I was a Pokemon my weakness would be Excel charts.
• yep it’s official i have never hated a spreadsheet as much as i hate this one. excel i curse your autosave, it did not work.
• You know you work in a cubicle when you get pumped about setting up accounting functions on Excel correctly. #fml
• Finally finished my personnel expenses worksheet on Excel.!! Those were the most difficult formulas ever…5 more spreadsheets to go

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An octopus graph sounds awesome. That might be worth spending $40,000 to learn – if you have a computer.

• More than 50% of my MGMT301 class don’t know how to make a bar graph on Excel. #blesstheirsouls #poorchildren
• My boss just told me that I’m weird because I like excel so much. Chalking that one up as a compliment!
• Wasting an hour of my time because some luddite can’t grasp the basics of a pivot table. Not happy.
• Dear Microsoft Excel, I know you’re tired too but we need to get this report done, please start responding. Love Ms. Overtime.
• Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like without excel. More time spent drawing pie charts with pencils I guess
• Really pivot tables in Excel might be the best thing Microsoft ever did, ever.
• Dear Microsoft – the PowerPivot service application is way too fragile. Get some thought behind this please. Love, me.
• This man is teaching us Excel .. let me tell you the problem . None of us have computers but him -_____-
• Its been an above average day for the "Hughes Daily Hair-loss" chart I’ve made in Excel. Another stressful day ahead for tomorrow.
• I’m glad we are paying $40,000 a year for a class to teach me how to make a pie chart on excel…. #learnedthisin7thgrade #wasteoftime
• Hi I’m Lindsay and I know how to vectorize octopus graphics on Adobe Illustrator CS6 but can’t make a pie chart in Excel to save my life
• After spending 9am-3pm (literally) squinting at an excel chart, I just found out I have to start COMPLETELY over. I. Hate. Everything.
• Today’s Excitement brought to me by….Creating a colorful excel chart…#InnerGeekExposed
• Stop color coding data in excel, you can’t filter/sort, what do the colors mean & it looks like a skittles spreadsheet #life of an analyst
• Love people watching commuters on the train, usuallly sweating over some excel spreadsheet #workingworld
• Doing the "excel macro so large and time consuming" dance. Be back in 4 hours. #work
• our professor just went over how to open an excel worksheet. this is going to take forever!!!
• Didn’t realize I was taking an Excel class. #fml

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When you figure out what a Gantt chart is, maybe you could explain it to the teacher.

• Today I worked out a tricky Excel problem and felt pleased about it. It’s moments like this when I wonder where my life went so wrong.
• Did I just spend 2 hours making one graph on Excel? Yup.
• after today, if I ever see an excel spreadsheet or a chart or a graph again, it will be too soon…..nearly 600 in 2 weeks! #nvivotraining
• Trying to work in Excel on the train… with a touchpad mouse… not good!
• I’ve got £42 to last me until November… And I want a Starbucks every day at college. Hi Microsoft Excel, work it out.
• Dang it I let myself get off on an excel tangent at work. It was fun but totally not what I needed to be doing right now.
• Doing Microsoft Excel like a boss today. Stand back.
• It is impossible to do this assignment. I don’t even know what a Gnatt chart is, let alone how to make my own using Excel.
• Figuring out how to make a pie chart on Excel is harder then the actual assignment. #theregoesanhourofmylife
• The majority of the people in my spreadsheet excel class have no idea how to use excel. Including the teacher
• I once had an assistant who went through an excel spreadsheet and deleted out all of the formulas and just typed in new #s.
• Do normal couples hover over a spreadsheet and argue MS Excel best practices? #marriage
• Sitting next to a group of girls making an excel spreadsheet of their potential boyfriends. Are we in fifth grade?
• You have to try flash fill and the real time data analysis tool, even easy pivot table creation. There goes lots of peoples jobs.
• Thank you, calculators and excel spreadsheets, for making me so stupid I can’t even add $300 and $650 together on my own anymore.
• PowerPivot has given me a headache a mile wide today

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Maybe it’s not the Excel formulas that are giving you a headache. It’s probably those 3-D graphs and the fancy pants formatting.

• I hate the fact that the spreadsheet I need to make a beer recipe is on my other computer.
• just crashed excel by asking it to plot a graph. that is how well today is going so far.
• I see your Visio-flow-charts-arg and raise you a 3D-graph-in-Excel-2003-with-x-y-and-z-axes-arg.
• Excel + Formulas = one stinking headache!! I love working in IT but jeez, let me wake up for a hot minute ** #governmentwork
• I need to make more of a concerted effort to slack off at work. More Twitter, less Excel.
• Lied on resume saying I can use Excel. Year and a half later, karma is here to kick my ass. HOW THE HELL DO I MAKE A CHART IN EXCEL?! #fml
• Clearly, my work computer didn’t want to come back from vacation, either. LOAD, Excel!
• I’m at work on YouTube with the focus face on like I’m looking at Microsoft excel spreadsheets
• Would some tech-savvy person like to come over & make graphs for me on Excel? It’s taken me an hour & I haven’t even finished one.
• I grew up with my mother helping me on book reports and papers, now i create and formulate all of her work excel spreadsheets #debtrepayed
• PIVOT TABLES! (in Excel) just made my job so much easier. My triumph of the day. STOKED. #officelife #simplethings
• It’s not a real party until an excel spreadsheet is involved, okay?
• hopefully this fancy pants formatting and colour coding on my new excel spreadsheet will motivate me to get good grades this term
• I’m making an Excel expenditure spreadsheet for Uni life. Sad…Yet necessary #sadlyenjoyabletoo #needagf
• Just heard the boss mutter under his breath while checking my calc, "it’s too much logic" lots of if statements in my excel workbook

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Never be an accountant, even if they try to lure you in with jumpy radio head tracks and a grocery list.

• #TermsIHate: "The system seems very slow". What system? You work on Excel and Word. Is it the internet, the LAN, what?!
• excel has to be the new porn… else I can’t explain why I’m awake working on a spreadsheet at this hour
• I think I just showed Microsoft Excel and Google Fusion Tables who is the boss of them. Midnight work brings the most results.
• Oh pivot tables, where have you been all my life? I might not have hated excel as much, if I had known about you sooner! #seeinggridlines
• I’ve literally been sitting at my desk for an hour, trying to figure out how to make a dang line graph on excel! I’m about ready to scream!**
• Yeah… I really need to learn how to work Excel. This is becoming a problem.
• Not interesting trying to create a pricing model using excel. And there are guys who work on these all their lives…oi!
• Four days of 8-hour-straight Excel work starting tomorrow. Yay work experience. Never be an accountant, ever. </3
• No combo more likely to bring on a panic attack: loosing an excel spreadsheet you’ve worked on for 2 days & a jumpy radio head track in ear.
• And on that note. Off to run before doing battle with a rather intimidating Excel spreadsheet. Such is my day. See you all later.
• is it sad that I’m proud of my Excel worksheet I just created for my financial modeling class? Cause I am #financemajor #nerd
• Setting the background on some cells in an excel spreadsheet to a fetching shade of pink!
• don’t play around with excel spreadsheet. YOU WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE.
• #thatawkwardmomentwhen you find yourself using an Excel spreadsheet to make your grocery list…
• Have created at least 20 different graphs today. My eyes are turning into Excel squares. Let it be over. Please! #dissertation
• The only way I can visually express myself is by using excel charts. #HowEmbarrassing.
• Haven’t created a pivot table in forever. Feel like an old man getting on a bike for the first time in 20 years. A little rusty. #excel

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If the Internet stops working, and cuts off your music supply, just make up your own songs, to sing while you’re using Excel.

• Thanks to Youtube, I now know how to use Excel for my needs. Damn I love Youtube! What a life saver!
• I love my job, but it makes me hate Microsoft Excel.
• Made my first excel graph since like 6th grade. W the help of 4 other people….
• Going to make my fortune by designing a computer game that looks like an Excel spreadsheet from 10 paces away
• You never paid attention to detail until you check all the formulas on an excel spreadsheet.
• Making up songs about how I am the spreadsheet queen. Time to close Excel….
• being able to make a simple pie chart on excel requires some form of wizardry
• Is there anything, ANYTHING more boring than an Excel Spreadsheet? #itsallablur
• And here I am, revising an Excel spreadsheet that NOBODY HAS OPENED SINCE 2008, because you DESPERATELY need these charts. HA.
• So you won the Vogue Battle this past weekend but can you input formulas into a Excel spreadsheet and run a cost analysis?
• Why excel? Why must you fight me every step of the way…?! I am just trying to make a nice graph for my assignment!! #needmorecoffee
• While doing a project at work, I got frustrated with excel and exclaimed, "Good grief!" Am I turning into an 80-year-old woman!? #fearful
• The internet at work is failing me. How am I supposed to use Excel with any music? #notproductive
• Excel 2011: Click spreadsheet A, spinning wheel, work. Click spreadsheet B, spinning wheel, work. Repeat. Crap software #frustration
• Nailed it! Take that Excel database merge. I’m your boss! …7 hours later. #notreallywinning

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