Author: Debra Dalgleish

Can you ever have too many monitors, when you’re working in Excel? Should your dog have his own monitor, when you’re working from home? Maybe Google knows the answers to these important questions!

Well, that was quite a week! To cheer them up, tell your friends a few Excel macro stories (from a safe social distance). Then, teach your dog a new Excel trick, while you work from home, and remember to wash your hands.

After a day of Excel work, do you rush home to play in Excel? Or are your arms too tired, after all the cutting and pasting? A spreadsheet assassin wouldn’t snivel about things like that!

Could you date someone who doesn’t have a favourite formula? What about someone who uses their Excel powers for evil? Maybe you’re better off with someone who doesn’t even understand your love for Excel.

Do your co-workers ask you for Excel help, after things get swirly bad? Maybe they should spend less time playing Tic-tac-toe, and more time learning about macros. Unless Bill Jelen is right, and it’s the beginning of the end for Excel VBA!

Happy Valentine’s Day! Did you send a lovely card to your true love, Microsoft Excel? Or did you show your love and respect by avoiding 3-D charts. Thanks to Patrick Matthews for his contribution

Do any of your Excel files look like an episode of Art Attack? Are they filled with pictures of alien worlds and robots? If so, you probably shouldn’t mention Excel in your dating profile.

No matter how long you’ve been using Excel, it can still make you cry sometimes. To feel better, learn a new advanced formula, and sing about Pivot Charts.

Is Excel winning the work battles today, or are you? Maybe it’s time to go home to your family, and let Excel build some charts automagically!

Enjoy your work in the Excel fields today! And remember, it’s 2020 now, so check your Nyquil before you drink it – your spreadsheet enemies might have tampered with it.

Is it torture to watch your boss work Excel? Are you having trouble seeing your website in Excel? Don’t worry – to take your mind off of your troubles, just open another few thousand Excel files!

Should a co-worker be arrested, if they lied about their pivot table skills? Should you call Bill Gates to report it? Anyway, don’t spend all day admiring your Excel charts, even if they’re the first thing you think about every day.

If you get your work done quickly, with a bit of Excel magic, you can spend the rest of the year scrolling through blank spreadsheets. There might even be time for a few pivot table parades!

If you’re panicking at work because you don’t know Excel, just remember – it probably won’t kill you. Soon, Excel will be your favourite app, and you’ll be making spreadsheets for everything! Just try to avoid summoning any demons while you learn about pivot tables.

If you and Excel spend every day together, that’s EXCELlent! Just remember to explain what your colour coding means, and I hope that Excel doesn’t go into too many death spirals.

Is Excel always open when you’re at work? And at home? Be careful – that could lead to spreadsheet-related anxiety!

Yes, those Excel cut and paste errors can ruin your day, but try not to think about them all evening too. Do some non-numeric things to take your mind off the problems, or use Excel to build a windmill! And watch the video at the end, if you want to fix those mysterious pivot table…

You don’t have to be a Virgo, like me, to love Excel, but I’m sure it helps. And it’s a good thing that I know how to build pivot tables, because golf is definitely not one of my talents!

In a spreadsheet competition, which Excel moves would earn you a gold medal? Or are you busy making Excel artwork, and using pivot table witchcraft, so you don’t have time to compete?

Could you get through a work day without opening Excel? Or would that lead to crying and fist shaking? If so, make yourself a flawless pivot table, and add a note in your Excel planner. And watch the video below, if your computer has trouble with correct syntax for an Excel VLOOKUP formula

Does Excel make you want to yeet your computer? If you’re not sure what “yeet” means, ask your kids, after you send them some Excel tips!

Even if you know lots about Excel, a few classes might help. You wouldn’t want to move to Japan, and get fired on your first day! And remember, if you think that Excel ate your work, take Beyoncé’s advice, and scroll “to the left, to the left”.

For new problems at work, is a pivot table usually the answer? Or do you create a whole new spreadsheet? Just don’t give the problem to a co-worker who doesn’t know how AutoSum works!

I like the Excel memes that one person tweeted, but Excel wasn’t around, when I was 6 years old. Kids today sure are lucky!

Are you more likely to be killed by a rattlesnake or a spreadsheet? If you’d rather not think about that, just watch this music video about charts, to help you relax.

Do your Excel demos turn into train wrecks, or does that only happen early in the morning? But remember, it’s best if you don’t try to throw your computer out the window. Just unplug it, and pretend the power went out. Thanks to @matthews_p

Do you know too much about pivot tables? Should you avoid making Excel charts at work? Don’t ask Frank to answer these questions – he doesn’t know anything about Excel.

Which is worse – watching your boss stumble around in Excel, or having Excel automatically change your numbers to dates? Maybe you can find a Yammer group to talk about it.

Do you add disclaimers to your Excel workbooks? Should you? And in a related question, how often do you scream into the void about Excel?

Has experience taught you to save your Excel work more often? And what about your parents? Do they use Excel to solve all their problems, or are they still yelling at pivot tables.

This week’s Excel tweets collection is filled with sad stories. Have some ice cream handy, before you start reading, because these tweets will give you something to cry about.

Are your Excel formulas longer than a football field? If they are, you should probably save your work every 2 minutes or so. You don’t want to lose 3 days worth of work!

Why does Excel crash when you click the Save button? Don’t cry, just do some worksheet formatting, and pretend Excel is an adult colouring book.

Does Excel need a background of goofy music or GoT battle music? I’d never heard of Kevin MacLeod, but he’s got lots of “Comic Sans” tunes that you can use, and cool graph templates too!

Last week on Twitter, Microsoft Excel posted a fun list for the “5 jobs” challenge. Nice one, but I had more than 5 jobs before Excel was invented – how about you?