Excel Humor

Do you need a wizard hat to make a pivot table? And should you use Excel if you’re not going to make a pie chart? My co-worker wants to know, but I don’t want to share my secrets!

Which task is more complicated – building an Excel chart, or making coffee for your boss? If that question is too complicated, or sounds like “excel-anese”, please ask your assistant to answer it.

If your dad calls you with Excel questions, be sure to tell him about pivot tables. Eventually he will become an Excel ninja, and could save co-workers from working on the weekend.

A big thanks to Bill Jelen (Mr. Excel) who featured my Excel Theatre tweets collection in his latest book, “Mr. Excel XL – The 40 Greatest Excel Tips of All Time“. Bill sent me an advance copy, and it’s a beautiful book, packed with great tips, and a nice touch of humour. The book will…

Do you know what “yak shaving” means? I had to Google to find out (and was a bit worried about what I’d find!) but yeah, I’ve headed to the zoo a few times. How about you?

Don’t have a heart attack if you call Microsoft and they don’t agree to make Excel work exactly the way you want it to. Stare at your worksheet for a while, and you’ll feel better.

Should you tell people that you’re good with Excel, or is your mother the only person who needs to know? NOTE: We’re on our summer schedule now, so the next collection of Excel tweets will be published on Friday, July 17th.

Always save your work if you hear thunder, so you won’t have another “Deja screwed” moment. And if you’re still in college, spend some time learning how to use Excel. Or how to use Google.

Excel probably can’t deliver a child, even if you are singing Tequila. But a pivot table could get you a job, with or without hallucinations.

Does Clippy know as much as the Internet does? Or is he still trying to talk to the AS/400?

Flower arranging is fun, and uses color schemes, just like Excel. However, it might not drive you to drink, or make you want to trade a vital organ.

Whether your Excel pivot table has baseball stats or pig weights, working on it is more fun than naming Ben and Jerry flavours. Wheeee!

Are you too fabulous to work in Excel? Can you build a pivot table without using any adult language?

Don’t be an Internet troll, even if you’re in pivot table hell, or Excel just crashed. You’ll feel better if you colour code something, or get Becky to do your work.

If you have too many glasses of wine while working on that spreadsheet, you’ll need to find a pivot bed to crash in. Yes, “crash” was a joke – a bad joke.

Yes, rock stars use Excel too, but they might have someone else who does the grocery shopping for them. And I’m not sure if a cranky engineer should have a licence to chart.

It’s never too late in the day to work on a pivot table, but if you’re working on them at home, you might qualify for hazardous duty pay.

Do you make pivot tables when you feel lazy? And when you have free time, do you make YouTube videos about charts? That can happen, if Excel is your only friend.

Can you build an Excel pie chart in less than 3 hours? Will a pivot table be your cause of death? What are you having for dinner tomorrow?

How long have you been making Excel charts? Do you still find them maddening? Or are you busy building pivot tables, and writing formulas, on a super slow Mac?

What would you do, if you had a dollar for every Excel chart that you made? Or have you only made one, and spent the rest of your time formatting it?

Swearing at Excel’s chart wizard doesn’t usually help, but a new shirt might help you write your first macro. Just don’t write a macro that hides your entire workbook.

If Excel macros are stressing you out, a lovely bubble chart, or a few minutes of yoga, might help you relax.

With the help of the Dixie Chicks and Harry Potter, you should become a Pivot Table Master in no time! Your Linkedin connections will be happy to endorse your new skills.

If you’re the only one in the room who can make a pivot table, maybe you can get some consulting work, or build a Role Playing Game that uses bullet points.

What kind of mother would refuse to help with an Excel chart? In her defence, maybe she had a migraine, or she was busy making charts in Word.

If you’re going to live through Groundhog Day, over and over again, make sure your Excel file isn’t crashing, and your hair looks nice.

If you’re using abracadabra as an Excel password, and thinking about living in the cells, you might not need that 8th cup of coffee.

If you don’t help your parents with their Excel charts, you’ll never be smart enough to understand those pivot table jokes. And Christmas might be really late next year.

What is your dark Excel secret? Do you get paid in hugs for your pivot tables? Do you stay late to work on fun Excel projects?

If you want to get into the holiday spirit, buy an elf hat for your dog, and create an Excel chart that is colored in festive red and green. Please vote for your favourite tweet, in the survey at the end of this blog post. Thanks for voting last week, and the winner was:

If you build more pivot tables, maybe you can get to bed sooner. Or, just keep color coding, and pass out at your desk, as usual. Please vote for your favourite tweet, in the survey at the end of this blog post. Thanks for voting last week, and the winner was:

Is it ever too early to be working in Excel? Maybe Dr. Who or Stephen Hawking can answer that question for us. Please vote for your favourite tweet, in the survey at the end of this blog post. Thanks for voting last week, and the winner was:

Happy Black Friday! This list of Excel tweets might entertain you, while you wait in line to pay for all those bargains that you found. Please vote for your favourite tweet, in the survey at the end of this blog post. Thanks for voting last week, and the winner was:

We must not judge – even if people are shouting “Eureka!” or are hoping that a ponytail will make them better at Excel. Remember to vote for your favorite tweet this week, at the end of this post. Last week’s favorite tweet was: “It’s easy to be proud of that #Excel sheet you made at…

Thanks for voting, and last week’s favourite tweet was: “My pivot table doesn’t know which way to pivot anymore. And I don’t even care.” Remember to cast your vote this week, at the bottom of this post – thanks!