Excel Humor

If you win today’s battle with Excel, and answer the exam questions correctly, you might earn your accredited degree in chart formatting. Or a lie down. And you can vote for your favourite tweet, at the end of this post.

Happy Halloween! I hope your day is filled with pivot table treats, instead of spreadsheet tricks. And don’t accept any break room coffee, or donut charts, when you go trick-or-treating in your bean counter costume. Do any of this week’s tweets sound familiar? Which one is your favourite?

You don’t have to tweet about every chart that you make, especially if you’ve had a few drinks. Stick to coffee and French toast – it will make life easier. Do any of this week’s tweets sound familiar? Which one is your favourite?

Have you committed any Excel crimes this week, or achieved a victory, even if it’s just a technical knockout? Thanks to Bill Jelen for his contribution this week! If you see any Excel tweets that should be included next week, please let me know –  @ddalgleish on Twitter.

Don’t spend all day coloring the cells, or you’ll never become an Excel programming wizard.

Can Excel be bribed with candy, or is it cowering in the corner, afraid to face the vampires that are ready to feast on it?

If you Google for pivot table, don’t follow any advice that suggests a 3-D pie chart or a bowl of Froot Loops. I’m sure that Gridmaster Flash would agree.

Is orange the new black in Excel workbooks, or are you a dunce, waiting for help in the library?

Don’t lose hope, even if you’ve just lost 2 hours of Excel work, because you forgot to save. It might just be a case of analytics fatigue – color code some cells, and you’ll feel like a genius again.

If you use Excel to track college football results, should you show the grid lines on the worksheets? That might be a good question to ask at the Algonquin Pivot Table. Thanks to Mr. Excel, Bill Jelen, for contributing a few of these tweets!

If Excel incantations are your super power, a Margarita might be your only reward. However, if you learn macros and pivot tables, you could become a manager, with lots of coffee.

If Excel had a “Plaid” setting, you’d go cross-eyed after making 100 changes to a workbook, let alone 100,000. And you might have to listen to bagpipe music while you work.

Keep working on those pivot table skills, and soon you’ll want to pivot every piece of data that you get – or throw yourself out a window.

If that girl at the office thinks your spreadsheet is cute, don’t spoil the magic by forgetting the workbook password.

Be careful while you navigate those complicated Excel worksheets. You might hit an iceberg, and we all know how that will end.

While you’re searching the internet for those Excel answers, maybe you could show the boss how to use Google too. That might give you more time to work on your golf game statistics.

Yes, you can use Excel for tracking World Cup goals, or your life goals. A pie explosion should not be involved in either of those – a rainbow might be nice though.

If a rocket scientist learns to print in Excel, is it time for wine? As a bonus, there might be some delicious pie chart, if you learn all 10 of those secret Excel tips.

After you build Frankenstein’s spreadsheet, take some time off, and enjoy some classic blues music. Or, make fun of people who use a mouse, and build worksheets in landscape orientation.

Are you here for the Excel training, or just for the free pizza? Remember to open your workbook last week, so you’ll be ready for class today.

Don’t ask the bartender to make you a spreadsheet, or you might see a VLOOKUP face. Ask the Help button instead.

Keep your shirt buttoned up – you can find Excel help on YouTube. Soon, you’ll feel like an elite athlete, or a party planner.

If you’re up all night, working on Excel, be sure to plug in your laptop, and unplug the phone.

What should you wear while working on your Excel files? Business casual? Perhaps something from the Rocky Horror collection? Or would formal attire be better?

Don’t drive your Excel workbook to the edge of a cliff, and leave it dangling over the side. You’d need lots of ramen, sweeTarts and whiskey to recover from that!

Don’t worry! All is not lost – next week you might get to test some code, or find a formula that fixes your life.

Just ignore the high school kid who is writing code. You have more important things to do, like figure out the Office 365 pricing options, and write apology notes.

Could you build a house with Excel, or would that require too much coffee, and perhaps sacrificing your firstborn? And remember, you should save frequently, all day long, not just once every two weeks.

Spring is finally here, and we can finally use Excel for important things, like taxes and sports. But if things go wrong in your spreadsheet, please don’t resort to witchcraft, porcupines or graph paper.

Was your job description written by an Excel expert or a 9-year-old? Does it pay in Flex dollars, or nightmares?

If you take too many naps while using Excel, you’ll never level up. Stay awake, and don’t leave those charts in the default colours! I have no motivation to do this excel work today. Maybe tomorrow I’ve been running on a treadmill of bugs coming from a code base written before my time.. in… Excel…

You’d better brush up on Excel, so you’ll look like a genius. Otherwise, your family could be torn apart, and the dog’s weight could skyrocket. Oh, and you might end up as a stripper. A pivot table saves the day once again. And I get to look like a genius. Sad when the highlight of…

Were you supposed to delete all those cells? Will your co-worker delete all your Excel changes? Is a spreadsheet the answer to any problem? Took an entire class on excel back in the day and now it’s like I’m trying to decipher the da vinci code Ha just spent two hours on excel making charts…

Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope you’re spending time with the love of your life – Excel. Did you remember to buy a gift for your favourite function, and a a bouquet for that awesome pivot table? Excel needs a turbo button for processor-intense functions. Doesn’t need to work…I’d just feel better if I could press…

Even if you didn’t major in Excel, a pivot table can change your life forever. And Excel charts can make you dance. You would think after years of looking up how to make a graph on Excel I would remember how one of these time. #Nope I’m converting everything to Excel because I want to…

Don’t let Excel cut into your nap time, and don’t fall for its pickup lines. Before you know it, you’ll find yourself in a café, making charts. I could be sleeping or watching netflix, but no I’m learning how to work excel. When did they change Excel so that making a pie chart is more…