Does Excel make you whine, or can it turn water into wine? If you’re not sure how to do that, ask one of the office dogs. Or, Google might know, if you can figure out how to ask.
Does Excel make you feel calm, or does it give you nightmares? Can it solve every problem, or is it a constant struggle? Does it give you a wave of pleasure, or feelings of deep shame? Answer when you’re ready.
Don’t feel stupid, and please stop crying. Google and YouTube will help you solve your Excel problems. But if that doesn’t work, just lie down, or go back to pen and paper.
Could a pie chart destroy the universe? Would you make a pivot table to earn a hot chocolate? These are stupid questions about Excel, so please don’t Google them.
Did Excel formulas end your childhood? If so, was it a specific function, or all of them?
And if there aren’t many spreadsheet scenes in The Accountant, would there be some in a movie about bus drivers?
Happy New Year! I hope that 2017 is off to a good start for you. Now that the holidays are over, is Excel working correctly, and did you remember the route to your office?
If you’ve been very good, Santa might bring you an error-free spreadsheet this year. If not, you’ll get a lump of coal and a some broken code that will take days to fix. Merry Christmas, and I’ll see you back here in January!
Does Excel give you infinite cosmic power, just like Aladdin’s genie? Or is your life a delicate balance between spreadsheets and Twitter?
Every day with Excel is awesome, until you discover that your lunch is mouldy. Or if Excel catches fire, when you’re up to your neck in pivot tables.