Author: Debra Dalgleish

Maybe you should watch March Madness, instead of changing the formats in that Excel file. That might prevent people from getting steamed.

• No dad I’m not gonna do the spreadsheet now, I’ll do it later.
• When you have to tell yourself to be smarter than the spreadsheet you created it is time for more coffee
• Looking forward to working through a massive risk prediction spreadsheet today. Just how more exciting can it get?
• Is that spreadsheet you are working on gonna create or destroy jobs?
• My morning so far consists of pretty snow and warming latte. Could just do without the spreadsheet bit! 😀
• I’m stuck in an Excel Lunch and Learn at work – SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!!
• Cheers to the idiots that thought changing the format of their excel sheets was a good idea. Now my formulas don’t work. Waaa!
• literally every time I open a new Excel spreadsheet I type "WHERE YOU AT? HOLLA WHEN YOU GET THIS" in A1
• *creates an intricate excel spreadsheet w highly specific procedural formulae for a video game* *is still unable to create a monthly budget*
• Today is the last day of my life spent not owning a steamer and I’m filling in an Excel spreadsheet with things I am planning on steaming.
• Every cell in a spreadsheet is a window into relationship. Excel is THE magic grid. #research #segmentation #context
• When your two wide-screen monitors still aren’t wide enough to fit your whole Excel spreadsheet, #eatchocolates
• sent boyf a list of adventures and restaurants to try. he is going to love receiving something excel related from me. #dorkcouple
• I don’t know about you but right now I just want to work on an Excel spreadsheet
• Is having an excel spreadsheet for your holiday a little sad?! Or just being organised? #saddo
• At a coffee shop eavesdropping, someone is explaining how they have no idea how to create a spreadsheet in excel. Facepalm.
• Spending my night with the ever so lovely Excel Spreadsheet
• I wish I was watching March Madness, instead I’m putting together a pivot table in excel.

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Did the professor deduct marks for the exploding pie chart (Hooray!) or add extra marks (Noooo!)?

• Whoever says men don’t have feelings has never tried to print an excel workbook. I feel right now that is for damn sure.
• im probably the only person on earth who is incapable of making simple graphs on excel……honestly how did I make it to university
• Passive aggressive Excel poem #36. My formula’s right, but you say it’s drivel. Forget all your pivot charts: I want you to swivel. #fb
• Reading through VBA loops on #excel. Was looking for material to use in #word but I can just apply the same principle 🙂 code is code.
• I hate it when I spend too long working on a particular problem and instead of getting clearer it becomes less so. Need a break from excel.
• "Wait, is this real life?" – Me looking at a giant excel worksheet. #ITworkshop #libraryschool #thingsiaskprofs
• should probably get on and colour code some lists and shizz. #fml #excel
• Yesterday, my to do list was make a dozen test solutions. Today, I was handed a 60 PAGE spreadsheet. I haven’t got a clue what’s going on.
• My Excel is being stupid. It won’t put things in ascending order. Or do it on the graphs either. Stupid Microsoft.
• I recently learned about pivot tables in excel and I got excited how it can make my work easier. What has happened to my life.
• I REALLLLY wish I was an EXCEL pro!! What I am doing right now would be soooo much easier if I knew how to code it in or something!
• Cant believe we are paying consultants to pivot our data in excel
• I thought myself 2 chapters of chemistry today… And now I just want to die and burn excel graphs in my sleep
• On a website called "Dummies" while trying to do charts for excel….. That really says it all.
• Just spent two hours looking for a problem in my code only to realize it was fine and MS Excel has a bug. Mr. Gates, my bill is in the mail.
• Favoriting your tweets today may not guarantee they are interesting, I’ve found a Build an Excel Pivot Table interesting today for example
• dear boss,dropped too much acid in college to be able to work on this excel spreadsheet today. thanks,TT
• This prof. gave my excel project a 99.47% because I exploded every slice of my pie chart. Really? Like honestly? #petty

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How was your weekend? Did you have an exciting pivot table marathon, and dreams about your 10-year-old version of Excel? Or were you stuck in March break traffic?

• I wish I had better Excel skills. The problem is that I only need them about every five years or so.
• Excel is all the software I need to know? Damn. I wasted five years in college and untold thousands of dollars learning useless code. Fail.
• The pivot table marathon has commenced… #Excel #GeekWeekend
• just had a dream about making an excel worksheet…glad its spring break
• 24 hours later I’m still on a high from cracking frequency charts in excel… #nerdface
• I’m trying to learn about excel. Pivot tables are the first thing that I’ve been wowed by. That’s really useful!
• Traffic was horrible, work is madness, I don’t like excel pivot tables blah,blah,blah….. OK I’ve vented feel better now 🙂 #stressedout
• This Excel sheet is gonna blow my boss’s socks off! I’ve lost control of my life.
• just figured out an excel problem all by myself.. i feel like i should maybe switch my major to finance and accounting #justmaybe #confident
• oh well, back to the old nerdy Excel Worksheet way
• I’m currently teaching my dad how to write code for excel #nerdstatus
• So grateful that my grad assistant is an Excel whiz. I have lots of stupid Excel questions 🙂
• You know you’re a business major when anything becomes even remotely easier to break down into a Excel spreadsheet to figure out.
• My inner accounting geek was thrilled to learn a new code in Excel. My inner artist – not impressed, horrified actually.
• I never thought I’d say this, but learning how to create a pivot table in Excel proved to be quite useful.
• The problem with my Excel is that it’s 10 years old
• You’d think they’d never seen an Excel sheet with drop down options before. Or pivot tables.
• And for the nth time without fail, the most difficult part of an assignment is creating a graph on Excel.

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It’s not just Excel — who doesn’t do stupid things on a regular basis? And I’m not laughing at your pie chart – it’s beautiful!

• Oh my god, I love #excel. It actually works 95% of the time and does exactly what I want it to <3
• I would be the worst senator. Want my vote to legalize rocket launchers? No problem. Just back my Excel chart option regulations.
• Is it sad that the first thing I thought when I saw these clouds was "crap, I need to color code that excel doc?" http://t.co/1sXQCdXkb7
• It has taken me two weeks, but I finally figured out how to make a graph on excel and it was by far the worst thing I have ever done.
• MS Excel still contains code dating from the Neolithic Period
• boss keeps telling me to format excel sheets to be printable…nobody prints excel docs…nobody prints…
• As much as I love Excel – it does some really stupid things on a regular basis and crashes a lot
• I just learned that you can make graphs on Excel!!! #BestThingEver #NeverMakingAGraphByHandAgain #APchem
• what i should be doing: excel spreadsheet…what i am doing: sitting on twitter listening to country music. #countrygirl
• It just took me five tries to spell "excel." #riveting #butreally #stupid
• I love Excel. I love Excel. I love Excel. #lyingthroughmyteeth
• WHAT? Excel for Mac can’t slice pivot tables?!?! How do you live without this?
• I dont know how to create a graph in excel. my future is very grey
• Thank you Excel for having more options for the design and color of my chart than the for my actual data input…
• It’s pathetic to think that the high point of my day today will prob be that I was able to formulate a vba code on excel. #ihavenolife
• To my fiance: I appreciate you. Organizing our wedding excel file and not laughing at my pie chart is true love.
• Second week at my new job and haven’t had to look at a pivot table or do a vlookup.
• You’re a geek if you google "beautiful excel charts"… I didn’t just do that or anything…

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If you and your mother are going to make a giant chart in Excel, you should make it super colourful too!

• Staring at an Excel spreadsheet wont make it do what you want it too…finding this out the hard way!!! #deathbyexcel
• No putting some colour on an excel spreadsheet does not make you creative
• I hate Excel. I especially hate inheriting Excel books with VBA code that was developed by idiots.
• Saw Amour. It’s the first film that I found more boring than an Excel spreadsheet.
• Sometimes changing the rows and columns in a pivot table can change the entire course of your day.
• after 4 hours of messing around excel, I have 3 graphs in a presentable format, at least til my boss takes a look at it #gradschoolproblems
• Just opened an excel spreadsheet whose main tab is called "GIANT CHART" you said it bro
• I spent saturday creating an excel spreadsheet for my finances and exercising. Another terrifying glimpse into middle agedom. #thirtyisnigh
• You guys, I hate Excel, so I’m making this spreadsheet SUPER COLORFUL to make it more fun. It’s not quite helping yet.
• You know you weren’t cut out to be a business student when you can write functions with code faster than you can manipulate Excel.
• currently obsessed with finishing an excel spreadsheet… i’m a bigger nerd than i thought.
• Even though I work in the humanities, I am hyper-excited about having the newest version of Excel on my computer.
• After years of what I thought were useless IT lessons where we were on excel for hours at a time, I can’t make a decent spreadsheet.
• Microsoft Excel, please respond. I just filled in an entire workbook and I haven’t got the chance to save yet.
• My boss the chicken farmer needs to update from windows 98 before she can complain about me sending her an excel file that is not compatible
• Apparently I have worn Excel out today. I can’t click into a single spreadsheet. I’m heartbroken. Not.
• It feels great when your boss asks for your excel expertise, it’s not fun to tell her she sorted the information incorrectly & wasted 3 hrs
• My mother and I are having a competition to see who can make a better pivot table/graph. We’re normal, I swear.

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Do your own standard deviation graphs, or you might end up as a boss who sucks at Excel. Or worse, you’ll be sitting at home in your bathrobe!

• Went to Excel London the other day. Disappointed that it wasn’t actually in fact a mahoosive spreadsheet.
• My Excel skills are coming on leaps and bounds. Managed to work out how to freeze planes all by myself today #goldstar
• What would the world have done without The Microsoft Excel spreadsheet! AS IMPORTANT AS THE WHEEL #sarcasm #microsoft #thematrix #code
• Nested IF statements in an Excel spreadsheet. And how had *your* afternoon been?
• Anyone who can do standard deviation graphs on excel will be my best friend for life if they can do 9 graphs for me.
• I recant my ‘like a boss’ statement about #excel. I need some one who is ‘good with’ #excel graphs, ‘bosses’ tend to suck with excel.
• Another fine morning of bad coffee and great Excel work #ohhappyday
• I can code a basic calculator, integrate 3D functions. I can even design a bridge, but right now I’m googling “how to make a graph on excel”
• Sorry babe, it just ain’t gonna work out. See you use the “accounting” number format in excel and im more of a “currency” guy
• oh cool, new excel has no wizard for graphs, and just buttons to click with a range of graphs that aren’t appropriate for your task
• My boss just showed me how to highlight rows in Excel like I’m a monkey seeing a computer for the 1st time. #RetirementWhereAreYou
• Who remembers trying to scroll until they found the end of the Excel spreadsheet?
• new level of procrastination: trying to make cool graphs on excel
• Also, not that anyone cares, but I finished writing the code to great a hangman game on excel so I’m feeling really accomplished =) #ISmajor
• Nothing says “working from home” more than screaming at a pivot table, naked save a poorly tied dressing gown while Grinderman blares
• I just made the most beautiful excel spreadsheet. It is so clean I could cry.
• there’s a special place reserved for people that use word to make charts instead of excel… oh look, a head shaped dent in my desk.

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If your Excel worksheets are filled with Macho Man Randy Savage information, it might not be a shortcut to your boss’ heart.

• had a dream in microsoft excel last night in which I walked my boss through 50 tabs of formulas and work. My dreams are too literal
• Just learned there’s a to-do list workbook on excel. Today’s going to be a good day!! It’s the little things, people!
• Must look intelligent with these excel spreadsheets and graphs all over my laptop on the train, shame I have no clue
• Yes, offering to make a snazzy Excel chart is a brilliant idea when you don’t know how Excel charts work. Over-eager me…
• Hope my boss never discovers the excel spreadsheet I’ve been working on all month is just a list my favorite Macho Man Randy Savage moments.
• I wrote about a girl colouring in squares on graph paper to avoid doing her maths homework. Then I opened up Excel and did the same thing.
• I’ve decided I wouldn’t like my job to be televised to millions. "Here’s Harris, with a wonderful pivot table" :-/
• my mom just complained about how my dad wasn’t believing how cool her excel worksheet is… #typicaldelchers
• Somewhere in Microsoft, there’s an excel spreadsheet somewhere with a list of certificates and expiry dates that nobody is looking at
• "All signs PowerPoint to Yes!" , "Life is a pivot table" , "My text is Justified" #msofficemusical
• Does anyone know if there is an Excel shortcut to my boss’s heart?
• This excel spreadsheet is playing my life…I just know my formualas are correct -_-
• I wonder if I could code a Macro in time that’d do my entire Excel exam for me.
• Best thing i’ve done since getting up – helping eldest make graphs on excel (not being sarcastic, I really enjoyed helping her)
• Just finished an Excel spreadsheet about coffee shop quarterly sales that was WILD! You should have SEEN this dope pie chart I made! #pumped
• Doing an excel spreadsheet for my boss in colours of the rainbow, i hope he likes it, shame i couldnt add a scent #work
• Dam, stupid excel giving me false hope.
• How could I ever make a decision without an Excel spreadsheet? #dependent

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Please don’t make your Excel charts look like candy – it will hurt your eyes, and you’ll never get to sleep.

• Excel must be suitable for something. But every spreadsheet I am exposed to twists and warps it so far from whatever that is. #grrr
• Sometimes at work I’ll mix hot chocolate and coffee in my cup to remind myself I’m adventurous and that Excel doesn’t own my happiness.
• This lady has been staring at an excel chart for the past 3 1/2 hours smh can’t be healthy
• I can either color my #Excel charts or pivot tables to look like a Skittles bag, or to look like I’m colorblind. I have no design skills.
• I’ve learn a new Excel trick today….5th year into work, and 10 years after IT studies at college…..
• Waking up early to learn how to copy-paste stuff from a website to Excel. Lab Group at 9 #Stats #FML
• Struggled for 2 hours to quantify data in excel for my boss before realizing I effectively created a pseudorandom number generator #FML
• When I save my Excel spreadsheet it says "Minor Loss of Fidelity". That’s a bit personal. Can it do that? #stupiderrormessages
• excel can do a lot but reliably converting a string to a number is not one of them #work
• A long, constant day of spreadsheet hell doesn’t look any more attractive at 7.15 than it does at 9.15.
• I want to do an excel worksheet so bad. I have no idea whyyyy
• As much as I want to make graphs on Microsoft Excel and use them to figure out chemistry I would rather watch Gossip Girl ?
• My favorite feature of Excel has to be pivot tables: focus only on the info you care about.
• You know you work for yourself when you think about doing a spreadsheet at 2.04am. Whatever happened to just reading a book to get asleep?
• Also, every time someone refers to a static Excel spreadsheet as a database, I make a mental note to homicide them.
• Doing mindless work of copying and pasting in excel. I . Love . It . **
• The part of my brain that knows MS Excel has taken a vacation this week. My boss wishes it would come back. #NeedAFormulaForSuccess

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There’s a game that lets you kill someone with a spreadsheet? Awesome! Maybe it has exploding pie charts too.

• I feel like I know JUST enough about pivot tables to make all of my tasks 30 times harder #Excel #productivity #tcot
• Boss uknowingly let me loose with an Excel spreadsheet. Spent the last 4 hours coding VBA macros for it. #engineeringproblems
• My father would be proud of the amazing excel spreadsheet i made to keep track of my working hours #accountantsdaughter #procrastination
• Is it possible to make just one program work really slowly?? I restarted the computer and ONLY Excel is molasses!
• Today I had to google ‘how to make a graph in excel’. Sometimes my lack of knowledge astounds me.
• Of course, by "analysis" I mean "make a graph in excel then see what’s different" but you know, potayto potahto.
• when i spend more than 3 hours on excel module and boom the battery is dead even the work i did **** #killme ! *speechless* ** #gn -.-
• Had some fun teaching gamblers fallacy and law of large numbers with dynamic excel charts today.
• falling out with Excel… all I want is a colourful pie chart with sections & percentages to represent data, instead I have a big blue pie!
• A spreadsheet macro for colour-coding a "Worry" column based on the number of question marks in the preceding columns.
• Made a pretty neat excel spreadsheet for hw today. All this studying must mean one thing… 1 week till beerlympics!
• Finally learned how to make a legit Pareto chart on Excel! #accomplishment #kinda
• Its funny when my boss comes to my work and is standing right behind me and I don’t know it and I’m sitting there drawing bunnies on Excel.
• I am planning my vacation in Paris -Excel formulas work better there
• Having a minor argument with excel about it’s ability to draw graphs. #technology #geology #technofobe
• EVE Online, The only game where it is possible to kill someone with a Excel Spreadsheet.
• Two conclusions I can draw: Elon Musk (a) is good with Excel charts and (b) is a huge dillweed.
• Oh Microsoft Excel, why do you hurt me when I love you so?

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The dog ate your Excel file? You’re never going to improve your geek score that way. And no free pizza for you.

• Someone emailed an excel workbook about three weeks ago, still haven’t opened it. Spreadsheets give me the fear, man.
• What use is the "double-click bottom of any MS Excel cell to get to bottom of worksheet" function?! It’s crushed my soul twice today!
• I can’t figure out how to do this stupid graph in Excel. I feel like a 90 year old trying to figure out the WorldWideWeb.
• The problem with Excel is when the person that wrote the workbook retires and nobody else knows how it works.
• I’m taking an Excel Class at work for free pizza #grownupdormrat
• Of course the one thing I forget how to do on excel is worth 8 point on my exam. #fml
• What is the use of having a dog if you can’t tell your boss that it ate your excel sheets ? #FAIL
• Went to type "how to make a graph in excel" and google auto completed it to "how to make a tutu" umm, not where I was going, but interesting
• I think the only reason I have excel on my computer is to crash it at the end of the day just to explain why I haven’t done any work.
• I love Excel. What can I say? My parents are both accountants, you guys. I didn’t have a chance to not love spreadsheets.
• just discovered pivot tables in Excel. This very well may have just upped my geek score by 75 points
• You can scroll down or right forever in an excel spreadsheet, it’s kinda scary actually.
• There’s a man on the train who appears to organise every little detail of his life in an excel worksheet. Sad.
• worked my ass off creating an all-inclusive excel workbook at my boss’s request..now it’s "too complex" and he’s changed his mind. -_-
• Boss: This is great, but it’d look better in an Excel spreadsheet. Can y– Me: (Places earmuffs on ears, locks self into file cabinet)
• microsoft excel is a bitch and i hate it and it’s poop and it is ugly and it is stupid and it is bad in bed, it’s tone deaf and has no SOUL
• Big dirty excel spreadsheet waiting for me when I get home. Great.
• I think a lot of people would be more excited about making graphs in excel if they understood there’s a "pie explosion" setting.

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If it takes you a week to create a pivot table, you shouldn’t work on it in your car, at a traffic light.

• I’m in business class making spread sheets. 1. Microsoft Excel hates me. 2. I have no desire to chart my profits from hot dogs and sodas.
• My boss just gave a week to prepare a pivot table report. I have to keep in mind when she started with the firm there was only 1 computer.
• I created a 15 sheet excel file with tons of calculations. Boss found ONE mistake "cell n30 looks off" in ONE sheet.
• Trying to get excel to work properly, no luck… co-worker phrased it perfectly… "excel is a butt-head"
• I think my excel spreadsheet itinerary just freaked my brother out. Excellent.
• Obi Wan’s spreadsheet mischief: "Microsoft Office Excel cannot find the data you’re searching for" #TheseAreNotTheDroids
• I am becoming such a boss on Microsoft Excel. Who would have thought you could do soo much with little boxes.
• my boss gave me the wrong excel sheet for something and told me to just put the stuff in anyways #comeon
• I hate Excel as much as the next guy, probably more. But pivot tables are God’s gift to working on your taxes.
• Doing mad pivot table stacked bar chart and Excel crashed. But not only did Excel crash, the crash reporter also crashed. #crashInception
• I always feel like a poser when I’m listening to rap music while working in an Excel spreadsheet.
• Excel exacting its revenge for those cat graphs. Nothing to do with the enormous data set; everything to do with machines judging me.
• I swear, my boss would have us log the number of breaths we take of labspace air in an Excel spreadsheet if he could. everything.xlsx
• Just incorrectly entered a date into a spreadsheet with the year "29013." Spreadsheet promptly froze and crashed. #Y29KBug #EndOfDays
• So this chick whips out her laptop and logs in while at the light. She worked on an excel sheet and ran a pivot. Coolest thing ever.
• Dude next to me at the coffee shop is playing the air guitar while working on some Excel spreadsheet.
• And someone is trying to clock me for alphabetizing a list wrong. I hit the sort button in excel.If its wrong, that’s someone else’s problem
• It takes a special kind of person to be able to hide columns in an Excel spreadsheet but not be able to figure out how to unhide them.

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Remember, 3-D pie charts are bad, and exploded 3-D pie charts are worse. Maybe the chart wizard could come back to remind us occasionally.

• People referred to =IF(AND(·,OR(·,·)),·) in Excel as "computer code". An awkward feeling pervaded the room.
• Watchin’ all these BI107 kids doing their excel homework with a MOUSE! Lol I remember my first spreadsheet…
• today i’m being held captive in a meeting room while my boss does excel spreadsheet calculations and tells me about each one.
• Spent most of the afternoon making a detailed Excel analysis explaining why I need a huge raise that my boss will certainly not read.
• You know you should change your field of research when some of the most important papers include 3D pie charts made with Excel…
• this may sound totally nerdy but i love excel. I AM AN EXCEL MASTER. i’m like a boss at work (‘cept without the high salary).
• You know what hell is like? Typing 100 graphs into excel everyday
• I will NEVER understand why Excel can’t undo "delete worksheet" function. #CanIHaveADoOver #didthatjusthappen #grrrrr!
• For the 1st time, I ran VBA in #Excel. I didn’t write the script but I found the code, learned where to put it and how to run it. #step1
• I spent 4 years at University. I’ve got 15 years industry experience. Today, I’ve mostly been colouring in cells in Excel. #fml
• utilizing my excellent excel experience by making a spreadsheet of local drinking holes for tonight w/ my bosses.
• Distracting label in #excel today during media research methods. "Exploded pie charts." Mmm pie. Homer drool. #data #distractions
• I love how my sister can still bully me into making her excel charts and she’s in grad school **
• Microsoft says that support for SharePoint lists in Excel 2007 and later is “depreciated”. That must be code for “totally borked”.
• Putting an Excel chart in a Word document is the cruelest form of office torture.
• high praise from the boss for copying and pasting some stuff in excel #winning
• Can you load 400MB into a pivot table? We’ll see!
• where has chart wizard gone? he was a good wizard. now i’m lost in a world of statistics in excel. majestically dull.

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If you’re making your first trip with the new baby, be sure to make a pivot table before you leave home. And curse under your breath, so the baby won’t hear you.

• Wow. Pivot table chops are just like any chops I guess. Use ’em or lose ’em.
• There is only one sheet in a workbook by default in Excel ’13 not three now I LOVE THIS
• Writing the to-do list. Is there a name for excel chart addiction – 5 to update this morning and a new one to compose, deep joy #obsessive
• Strategically planning our first post-baby trip means an extensive excel workbook with project management timelines.
• Happy cursing. Not the kind of cursing you say under your breath when you have to do excel pivot tables all day.
• I ran out of things to do at work today so I logged into my boss’s computer and put cool colors on all of his Excel spreadsheets #surprise
• Lady checking out at target recording things in her check book. Do that when you get home on a excel spreadsheet lady. #2013
• ahhh I can’t even make charts IN EXCEL I had no idea this was the kind of person I am but here we are
• "By doing this, SUNY will build the biggest, baddest, Excel spreadsheet of all time." oh, ok. #excellove
• No excel, I did not want to add 32,000 series to that chart. JUST TWO. (Not Responding), I’d be sulking, too.
• Well, that was 11 hours straight of staring at an Excel spreadsheet on a Saturday. Good times. The reward? Killer Karoake.
• My boss designed the most terrible Excel spreadsheet ever. This is going to be so much fun correcting it
• If there is one thing that I hate the most in this world, it is Microsoft Excel. JUST MAKE A GRAPH THAT’S ALL I WANT FROM YOU.
• Oh Excel why do you want to make my life such a misery #fml
• I should be doing boring Excel spreadsheet work. But I’d rather read all day.
• I am going to strangle whoever created Excel, this graph has taken me an hour and I’m not even done #IHateChem #HateGraphs #complicated
• Bridesmaid has hen party spreadsheet. I love her.
• That moment when you drop the wrong field in your pivot table and you might as well go home, it’s gonna take so long for excel to do it.

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When you think of columns, do you mean steel buildings or Excel spreadsheets?

• I could get used to this staying home sick. Less distraction so finally getting some work done. Excel-in-bed
• Solution for one excel crashing problem is "user moved to another pc without the problem".
• Oh, a 40MB excel spreadsheet of data… without any instruction on how to mine the data… or what we’re supposed to do with it? Perfect.
• Owww. I just got a paper cut. From a printed out Excel chart. Doubly sad. #neosporintime
• Home sweet home, washing, cooking, cleaning & not a spreadsheet in sight .. how will I cope without excel ?
• But 4 real i could write you a code that flashes the message "redrum redrum" an infinite amount of times until u r forced to crash excel >=)
• Know your boss. If he/she is very detailed, NEVER send a shoddy excel sheet. Let it be correct.
• I’m the lone admin in an architect firm. When they say columns, they mean steel and concrete. When I say columns, I mean excel spreadsheet.
• Thank the good Lord my dad knows how to work Excel otherwise I’d be lost and crying.
• Just built the most beautifully complex excel ever. I think I’m in love
• At my last job, it was fine when I took 3 weeks to make a line on a few Excel graphs but they stopped talking to me when I couldn’t code.
• Oilers jersey contest requires major Photoshop skills? Why not a contest that requires Excel skills? Best pivot table wins!
• to coffee or not to coffee? that is the question. i’m sort of on an excel chart roll and don’t want to disrupt, but also feeling tired
• Just strained my jaw eating baby carrots while working on an Excel spreadsheet. #thuglife #dontbhatin #respectmygamebitches
• Currently exploring the wonders of PowerPivot in Excel 2013. Business Intelligence in the hands on business users = awesome. #Excel2013
• My professor is showing us how to solve a linear problem using a program called lingo….ill just stick with my baby…EXCEL!!!
• Bill Gates is out there beating the hell out of diseases and I can’t even finish this Excel spreadsheet
• Everyone’s huddled round a failed pivot table. I look on, sipping my mocha, safe in the knowledge that I know NOTHING about pivot tables

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If you’ve had a bottle of wine, it might be better if the nanny builds the pivot tables.

• My colleague has been making a humongous Excel spreadsheet for 4 solid days. What’s the best way to tell him he’s been using the wrong data?
• At some point Microsoft redesigned how Excel makes charts. It was simple before. Now it is ridiculously counter-intuitive. Good job. #morons
• My college search involves multiple notebooks, tears, an Excel spreadsheet, and a three-dimensional scatter plot. #OCD #stressin
• The fact that I’m google’ing ‘how to make a graph in Excel’ and I’m in second year is probably a bad sign
• Listening to someone speak who just figured out how to do a pie chart in excel. God help me.
• Is it weird that I’m asking my nanny to fill out an excel spreadsheet that tracks my son’s feeding and napping times? #nerd
• I just showed a coworker how to make the grid lines appear in an Excel worksheet. What year is this?
• Sign of growth: Excel spreadsheet crashes TWICE. Hours lost. Calm kept. #SERIOUS
• You know you’ve been staring at an excel worksheet for too long when the lines start to look crooked #smproblems
• The last thing you need while deliriously unwell is to be tediously calculating standard deviation in an excel spreadsheet.
• I should be trying to finish this linear programming problem in Excel, but instead I just googled "flatulence in the supreme court."
• Just created an Excel spreadsheet that makes part of my job about 30 times easier! …I shouldn’t be this excited about it. #nerdy
• at a place that has karaoke… guy hands me an Excel spreadsheet of the songs he can perform… I grab my jacket, and leave #JustHappened…
• Just showed someone how to make a graph in Excel. #ChangingTheWorld #SavingLives
• Love an Excel spreadsheet after a bottle of wine…….#cheers
• My Husband just said I remind him of an EXCEL SPREADSHEET LOL
• A pivot table is when two pieces of mostly wrong bits of data are compared. Using SIMS, and unformatted EXCEL spreadsheet.
• Excel cannot exceed the limit of 1,048,576 rows and 16,384 columns. Never run in to this problem until today.

__________________

Fire everyone who doesn’t know how to build a pivot table, but definitely keep the people who count the characters in their Excel formulas.

• I just made the most beautiful graph in excel. I almost cried when it popped up. #excel #shouldabeenacompmajor
• If I was boss I’d fire everyone who didn’t know/didn’t try to learn how to use a pivot table
• Guy next to me is assaulting his keyboard, and using a calculator to work out sums for his excel spreadsheet…
• Note to self: When color-coding stuff in Excel, remember to make a note on what the code is.
• Stupid cat just jumped up on my desk for approx. 1 second before I shooed him away, yet somehow he managed to open an Excel file 187 times.
• Someone younger than myself in my office has literally no clue how to make a graph in excel. Are you kidding me?!
• ESPN received an excel spreadsheet of Manti’s phone records and "insisted they are genuine." Yeah, so did his girlfriend. #needbetterproof
• Eugh..Girl complaining about an excel spreadsheet like it’s Satan’s work. IT’S AN EXCEL SHEET.
• There should be a curfew for doing work on Excel. #spreadsheets #dominating #life #excel #geek #fml
• I love it when a 350 character formula works as designed. #excel #theremustbeaneasierway
• I’m just going to keep calm and pretend that the Excel spreadsheet I’ve been working on for the past 8 hours did not close without saving.
• welcome to statistics, where we will play with excel and make charts look pretty
• That feeling when you’ve been knee deep in excel for two days and you finally solve the problem
• About to go to sleep. Husband: "can you create an excel file with all expenses related to work for the past 13 months real quick?" -______-
• Just realized I can color code Excel worksheet tabs. I’m pretty excited about this. #betterlatethannever
• You have to love being sent an excel file that is password protected and you’re not given the password; then able to guess it first try.
• The only time signing a work email with your name and kiss is appropriate? When writing to your wife to ask for help with Excel
• Remember – you can kill someone with a chair but not with a pivot table 🙂 #excel, #pivot

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Did you work in Excel all weekend, or did you get out to see a movie, or play in the snow? Snowtubing might be more fun than Youtubing.

• Go and play in the snow, nahh would rather make various Charts and Graphs in Excel #priorities #workingman
• i work with models of fabulous figures everyday. MS excel models, not supermodels.
• Every day my math prof. spends the whole class showing us how easy it is to make graphs on Excel. We can’t use Excel on exams #WasteOfTime
• what they don’t tell you is that the excel we use in class is incredibly different from the excel on my mac.. #cantfindbuttons #fml
• My aunt asked me to make a graph on excel & she’ll take me to a movie tomorrow. **
• My kids are learning Excel and PowerPoint at school. Shouldn’t they learn to code so they can build things instead of managing things?
• Keep an excel spreadsheet with graphs open on a second monitor #keystolookingbusyatwork
• What do you do on Saturday nights? Oh, you work on excel data for your thesis? ME TOO!! #gradstudentproblems
• I just joined a message board solely focused on Excel to find a solution to a problem. New nerd low.
• I can never tell whether excel has carked it or if it just needs more time. Stupid "technology".
• At work, playing Temple run 2, fun run, and Ruzzle. These Cognos reports and excel sheets can wait.
• Just set a filter on an Excel Spreadsheet. No idea how. Like a boss!
• the game of trying to deciper someone’s Excel workbook seems like a losing game in the begining. but patience is key to cracking the code!
• For the last two weeks i have spent every waking hour working. I think my brain is now thinking in excel spreadsheet format. ****
• YouTubing how to make a bar chart on excel has to be my lowest point in life #useless
• There are 9 wonders in the world.. 8th: Pivot Table, 9th: VLookup.. 🙂
• The amount of anxiety I feel when Excel asks me to save a 100-page, 13 hour document I literally just opened to print is stupid.
• Spent 80% of my work day in Excel with vlookups and if statements. Am now super relaxed and calm. I need to do that more often.

______________________

Crying, nightmares and head injuries — things are not going well in spreadsheet world today. The wicked witch might be to blame.

• Doing charts on excel are half the time impossible an half the time boring.
• Ughhh i’m so bored and i just deleted some excel formula the boss keyed in so idk what to do now.
• I have just typed the words "killer frogs" into an Excel spreadsheet. This makes me happy, for some reason.
• i can’t believe i got out of bed this morning and walked to uni in the cold to look at an excel spreadsheet. i have fallen into a nightmare.
• Nothing is more intellectually stimulating than a 27 inch monitor filled to the edges with an excel worksheet of 6 digit numbers. NOTHING.
• Watching Excel self destruct. That’s what I get for trying to work after 4:30. What was I thinking?
• For one terrifying moment there, the massive excel spreadsheet that I’m compiling was ‘not responding.’ I almost cried.
• glad no one was at my desk right now to see me fail to be able to print a spreadsheet from excel. tried to beat the system and export a pdf.
• I have slain all the pivot table beasts… like a bawse. Bring me the finest muffins and bagels in all the land!
• graphs, charts and tables (oh my!) graphs, charts and tables (oh my!) graphs, charts and tables (oh my!) (kaboom!) Wicked Witch of Excel
• When someone sends you through an Excel spreadsheet and it looks like it was formatted by a student in grade 5. So annoying! **
• When I go on Instagram after I get off work, it amazes me that life happened while I was typing formulas into Excel.
• Showed son how to make a graph in Excel; now I’m a computer genius.
• My boss literally just sent me an excel file asking if I could delete a cell. And he’s getting paid MORE than me. I don’t get it.
• I’ve decided excel & even a minor head injury do not work well together. I see grids every where now, make them go away!
• Like, chill, Excel. It’s just a freaking telephone number, not a stupid formula.
• learns how to HTML code a theme for tumblr in 10 minutes, can’t figure out how to make a graph on excel in an hour
• The spreadsheet I’ve just been sent has a v.fancy pivot table in it. I actually said "Woah!" when I opened it. God help me.

_________________

Are you having a rage face kind of day, or are you happily making ugly charts in Excel while wearing your sweatpants?

• Dear Excel, I don’t like you either. But if you can just let me finish this chart, & power point we can both go back to ignoring each other
• I can’t work out how to delete multiple rows in Excel :/ But my whole job revolves around it… #FML
• I wonder how long it takes to get a real grasp of PowerPivot. Seems to get really complex really quickly!
• I thought I was good at lists but I’ve just seen a woman in Sainsbury’s with a printed excel spreadsheet with items listed by aisle
• My boss just gave me a crash course on =VLOOKUP in Excel… mind = blown! All the wasted years of not knowing this awesome voodoo!
• There is clearly no upper bound for how ugly you can make Excel charts.
• Sigh….I love pivot tables. #excel #nerd #dontjudgeme
• Teaching my girlfriend how to do some cool tricks on Excel for her work. My life is a mile-a-minute, white-knuckle thrill ride.
• Excel Pivot Charts has made this a rage face kind of day.
• Love can easily turn in to Hate when its between You & an Excel sheet.
• I’m drinking coffee and staring at an Excel spreadsheet.. Is this what it’s like working in an office?
• Building excel charts while wearing my elastic-bottom sweatpants. It’s a good day on the job.
• Ready for another Episode of my dog ate my excel pivot table boss
• We don’t have error bars on our graphs because no one in the lab knows how to get Excel to make them. #OverlyHonestMethods
• Excel, anytime you’d like to work and prove you’re superior to OpenOffice would be nice. Anytime now. 😐
• Im running out of ways to pretend I’m doing work at my job. I’m making fake excel charts and we don’t even use excel. Need a new #challenge
• I have been working on the same spreadsheet all day today. That plus the onions from someone’s lunch are making me stabby.
• EUREKA!!!! 2 HOURS!!!<<amount of time it has taken to understand this pivot table thing..I should have just read help to begin with..

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Instead of using Excel, can you run a business with a napkin, a mattress and David Bowie?

• It’s never good to see "What am I using this section for??" as a cell note in a complex Excel workbook.
• We were given a template to create a Gantt chart from Excel in #projectdevelopment. It’s like Christmas all over again! #dhwi
• Forgotten just how easily Microsoft Excel eats time. Tantalisingly close to solving the problem but oh so far away
• Last night I dreamt I oversaw Bowie’s new tour and made the stage theme Excel spreadsheets-I hate when work gets in the way of a good thing.
• I’m pretty sure Excel makes me even more stupid.
• doing anything to avoid work in college. even made a pattern of highlighted squares on excel. #artistic #thatbored
• All good businesses start with a napkin. If you can’t make the numbers work on a napkin there’s no need to bother with excel
• At work. Excel doesn’t work. I’m an accountant. This is a problem.
• Teaching my grandma how to work Microsoft Excel… She’s taking notes & drawing pictures of the buttons #socute
• Okay, now i hacking my own excel worksheet all because i forgot my password to unprotect it. #fail
• Excel didn’t want to roll over chart data and recognize a new year began. I showed it who’s boss.
• I made an awesome excel workbook and my mattress is getting delivered today…yep, getting older.
• After an hour of unsaved work and having Excel crash, I understood that my true calling is to be a stripper. Peace out.
• Excel, what problem do you have with only showing a partial cell on the screen? Wide columns are SOOO annoying in you!
• You know you’re a business major when you use Excel to chart and predict the best textbook prices for the spring semester
• Spent almost all day frigging with excel again, only to twig that I could’ve saved a few hours with a simple pivot table. Living the dream.
• here’s what i did for my first day back at work: opened excel, stared listlessly at monitor, went out for lunch then i forget the rest
• I’m doing Excel Pivot Tables in my hotel room. I’m just THAT cool. Yeah.

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If you don’t have a ukulele, you’ll have to ask your dad to do your work, if you’re trying to avoid Excel. Or just get a bigger monitor, and get to work.

• I just created my first pivot table in Excel. Please don’t tell the other liberal-arts majors.
• Doing everything I can to put off this Excel work. Played my ukulele for a couple of hours now I’m finally sorting out my Flickr account…
• My dad is doing my Microsoft Excel school project for me. Upside to having a someone from his field of work as a dad.
• Haven’t seen my wife this happy in these couple of weeks. What cheered her up? An excel spreadsheet *faints* #fb
• I envy those people who’ve never had to look deep within the soul of an Excel spreadsheet.
• Upon getting a job in finance, request a Mac for work. Insist that excel will work flawlessly for you. #trendy
• You know you love your job when opening up a brand new 2013 Excel spreadsheet of invoices excites you 🙂 #happytimes
• New monitor at work today. I can see columns A to AK in Excel all at once. That’s what’s up!
• My new hair clippers come with a USB cable. What is it going to try and do, upload hair data and make a pivot table out of it?
• DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO WORK THIS MICROSOFT EXCEL THING?
• When your excel spreadsheet works out and the bar graph makes sense…the excitement in this house has been intense.
• Don’t tell me there’s something wrong with my spreadsheet when you are the one who does not know how to use excel. Geez.
• haven’t left the house for 12 days. It’s definitely taking its toll on me; mum just walked in to find me laughing at an excel spreadsheet.
• Dissertation just got serious, I made graphs on Excel #wizard
• Glass of scotch. Editing an Excel spreadsheet. Damn I feel like a grown up.
• what am I doing at 3:40am on a Saturday night? Watching a footie game and working on this Excel worksheet. yup geeking it up.
• I list my sins on an Excel spreadsheet and pretend the ‘Clear Contents’ button actually says ‘Clear Conscience’ – Excel Confessional 2013
• My boss has people entering a formula to filter data in Excel, which has a filter function. Girl, what? No wonder these people are confused.

_________________

Yes, life in the cube can be frustrating, especially if Excel keeps crashing, or if your co-workers try to sabotage you. Maybe a pivot table would help.

• Starting the day by clearing my phone, email inbox and creating an excel spreadsheet for my expenses this year. Ooooh organised 😉
• Standing in a field and I need to make a spreadsheet. Oh, that’s right. I have a @windowsphone! Excel document saved to cloud.
• really don’t love it when excel crashes for the 876685785931st time in one day…
• spent half an hour trying to work out how to get a text box on a chart in excel.. not even google knows this one #macproblems #doomed
• Learning something new today, going to learn how to work better with #Excel. A few new formulas to make hockey scoresheet better.
• "Hey can you make me one of those spinnin tables?" -Do you mean a pivot table? "Yea, that."
• I love how fast Word and Excel load. You know why that is? Because it’s largely the same code you were running on your 486 in 1995.
• i have spent way too much time making my excel sheets and charts to plot my simpsons watchage. #nerdmuch
• Don’t know if I’m more proud of completing a six-hour spreadsheet project, or deleting 1200 photos from my phone. Gotta start 2013 clean!
• Dear Excel, Why do you have to make things so complicated? Just protect the damned workbook! No love, Lis
• I really think this girl I work with tried to sabotage my life by sending me a BLANK excel sheet and confused me by adding pivot tables
• getting angry at excel doesn’t make it work better #labreportgoingwell
• I now have an Excel spreadsheet of the main #wineries in #Mendoza along with their opening times. Willing to admit I may have a problem…
• Wow, I just used the 6th grade math PEMDAS rule I happened to remember for an Excel spreadsheet. #mnemonicsrule
• having an excel spreadsheet open on your computer ALWAYS makes it look like you’re doing work, no matter whats on it
• "If there’s an Excel problem, yo I’ll solve it. Check out this formula while my pivot table resolves it." -Me, rappin bout life in da cube
• I hate excel with a passion. Correction, I hate inputting data and trying to obtain a straight line graph with a passion.
• Just #REF!’d out an entire Excel workbook. It’s going to be a long afternoon

________________

Happy New Year! May the upcoming year be filled with fresh spreadsheets and no nightmares about Excel.

• I have an excel spreadsheet waiting for me at work. There’s 1402 things on it I need to check…I’m only at 200
• Excel only crashed 24 times while editing the combined RFP spreadsheet. Awesome. Save. Save. Save. Dammit.
• My Dad’s planning was next level. He had an Excel spreadsheet and everything.
• Excel, when I’m making my book price spreadsheet for next semester, its not helpful for you to put the IBSNs in scientific notation. Thanks.
• I LOVE the start of a new year….fresh goals and a fresh spreadsheet to track them in (how I also love MS Excel!!) 🙂
• Just learned about excel pivot tables from an online tutorial probably made for 80 year olds #backtoworkblues #technologicallyimpairedduck
• My nerdy accountant boyfriend makes me melt when he talks about making me an excel spreadsheet to solve my spending-addiction.
• I very rarely come in contact with the Excel spreadsheet but when I do it reminds me of the days of DOS computing.
• So..any Excel experts out there? Imagine someone was stupid enough to replace the correct version of a vital workbook with something else…
• What sleep! I have been having nightmares about stupid Excel all night
• She insisted she could use Excel spreadsheet, yet she had a calculator in one hand. ?
• Me and Microsoft Excel, still a better love story than twilight
• Made an excel spreadsheet to help me decide what to do with my life. Results show only a 20% difference between possible job choices. #:(
• I realize it’s not #excel I should hate, but rather the idiots that make me use it for things it’s not meant for. Excel is not for charts.
• Ugh I’m seriously ill equipped to deal with people who use more than 3 colors on an excel worksheet. #excelsnob
• I’m feeling so resolution-licious lately. Are you? Any good ones? I think 2013 is going to be the year of the Excel spreadsheet!
• YouTube is saving me right now… Don’t know the basics of Excel?! No problem! YouTube does! Awessssome
• Using Microsoft’s spreadsheet program Excel is a lot like willfully filling your pockets with rocks and walking into a deep, gushing river.

____________________

I hope you enjoy the holidays, and your stocking is filled with sweet macros and pivot tables. But remember, don’t argue with any talking spreadsheets! Tell some bad Christmas jokes instead!

• Using a pivot table to sum the ingredients for the different recipes in my Christmas meal spreadsheet. My geek power will rule the world!
• Chris’ mother-in-law has made a Christmas spreadsheet. Are you as organised or slightly more slapdash?
• I wonder if Santa has the “naughty or nice” list on excel. I’ll bet it was all kinds of sweet macros and pivot tables.
• Mum is quite literally contemplating making an Excel spreadsheet to monitor my 25-year-old brother’s fever.
• Who took the filters off my Excel spreadsheet! #WorkingGirlIssues
• I’m hiding the numbers of the fibonacci sequence on this excel spreadsheet… I wonder if anyone will notice
• Why did I never think of adding a pivot table to my budget till now? 😮
• I probably should have read the message that popped up from closing that Excel Workbook before clicking a button. #1stWorldProblems
• my dad has made an excel spreadsheet of everyone’s christmas presents. soon he’s gonna make a pie chart to see which child is most spoilt
• According to the Lady of the House, successful Christmas shopping depends on how detailed your excel spreadsheet is #HELP #ShopTilYaDROP
• And of course I don’t hang out at Linkedin. Only guys who wear blue oxfords and work on excel spreadsheets do that.
• Arrgh! errant workbook delete in excel, hours of work gone, why hadn’t I saved yet?!@#$?…:>(
• Inside the twisted mind of MS Excel: “I’ve sprayed the printing of your simple spreadsheet over 8 sheets of A4 paper. Have a nice day!”
• I think people are endorsing my excel skills on LinkedIn as a joke, not sure though I do know my way around a spreadsheet.
• just your average evening of excel spreadsheet magic
• Just learned that my father-in-law keeps a spreadsheet of restaurants he’s been to that lists what he ordered & if it was good. <3 x 10.
• Dad made an Excel spreadsheet tonight. You would’ve thought he parted the Red Sea the way mom reacted. #technologyisntforeveryone
• Dad paying me to produce some bar charts on excel for the business #easymoney
• Staring at these accounts all morning has made my head go a bit strange. Hasn’t it, talking Excel spreadsheet? “Yes, it has. Beep.”

__________________

If you do Excel work, and get paid with cups of tea, does that make you a teetotaler?

• My dad has discovered Excel & thinks it’s so cool! LOL Dad: "this is awesome. I love this. Honey how awesome is this!?" Mom: *not bothered*
• why is MS Excel the most impossible and frustrating invention that exists 🙁 someone please help me. All I want to do it make a pie chart 🙁
• Conditional formatting has just taken a swift blow to the knees. That’s excel told who’s boss!
• i feel like such a pro at excel. two graphs complete with error bars in less than twenty minutes. boom.
• Nothing like sitting in a dark, warm classroom all day learning how to create Excel pivot tables. My brain is mush.
• Today I did the impossible. I reached the last cell in an excel spreadsheet. Biggest achievement of my life
• Well, another problem solved in a state of semi-consciousness standing in the shower. Excel, I will be done with you for 2 wks starting Fri.
• I don’t know what’s worse….. sitting in an Excel class all day or just going to work. Not like I have a choice so here goes….
• Still at the office.. Trying to create a intricate pivot table in excel … The life of a young gangsta!
• Took business for 2 years and still don’t know how to make a pie chart on excel
• That boy also suggested we work the weekend creating some linked Excel to Access file for our stats. Umm…I’ll have to pass on that too.
• Havent used excel in years.Just tried a simple excel multiply formula&gave up.I code 4 living but this excel logic is rocket science to me:/
• Dear Excel, what is so hard about find and replace? You used to have no problem with this. #makingenemies
• If my dad doesnt know how to graph this in excel then there is a serious problem
• Reason I shouldn’t code in VB for excel: took me 10 minutes to find "show developer tab in ribbon." Reason I should: it’s excel
• You know your an adult when you have an excel spreadsheet of names and addresses to send people Christmas cards.
• Love it when I get bribed with cups of tea to make people in the office Excel Spreadsheets with lots of formulas. I’m so uncool! #geek

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If you had an astronuclearthermophysics degree, you could probably fix all the Excel macros in 1.5 hours, without using Google.

• The last thing I was to be looking at, at 2 in the morning is a stupid excel worksheet.
• You know you are tired nerds when you start making up dance moves based on Excel *do the pivot table!*
• Why does excel have a HIDE function??? All it does is make you think you deleted the whole worksheet! #EffYouExcel
• Tnx again google and youtube! Excel problem solved.
• Why do I suddenly need a degree is astronuclearthermophysics to make a pie chart happen in Excel?
• I have 34 excel spreadsheet open. Depressingly, this isn’t even close to my record.
• About to produce a cross-tab of doom. Or a pivot table of despair. Which is better?
• Nothing calms me down like reformatting an excel worksheet.
• And P.S., guy: no one wants to see your "crazy Excel spreadsheet." #starbucks
• Sitting at work teaching myself Excel. YouTube is a serious game-changer!
• I have 2 hours to show marketing how to debug 50 excel macros because they didn’t want to pay someone 2 build a
  database. #fml
• In my napmare, I drowned beneath a sprawling excel chart. I awoke fetal but functional #Sumif
• Instead of studying for finals, we’re making an excel spreadsheet of how loud everyone on the floor is
• I started using VBA macros on my Excel worksheets. Blew my boss’s mind. #steppingup
• I need to create a very complex pivot table today. I think I’d better let the carbs from my paella sink in first.
  #puttingitoff
• You know what I miss about having a proper job? Those quizes people send round in excel at xmas when they can’t be
  bothered to do any work
• Listed ingredients of all recipes in spreadsheet. Now ready to make a pivot table. Why are you laughing? #notjoking
• My dad wanted to make an excel spreadsheet for our family’s toothbrushes… #butwhy #honorskidsprobs #nerdstatus

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Be careful while you’re sitting in Grandpa’s chair, and using Excel – you might accidentally kill someone!

• For the first time ever, I have not been able to Google for a solution to an VBA Excel problem and have had to post a question on a forum
• Guess who just deleted the ENTIRE excel workbook of our inventory that I was updating….. **
• MD asked the new associate if she knew what a pivot table was. Then suddenly she had a confused look on her face….The bliss of youth
• You had me at "I know how to make pivot tables in Excel."
• I am at war with this pivot table that does not want to understand that it has to change. I understand change isn’t popular, but seriously!
• What’s the equivalent of writer’s block, but for an Excel spreadsheet? I just opened a new one, blanked, and immediately closed it.
• At my dad’s office to ‘use Excel on a PC’ which is of course code for sitting at my grandfather’s desk pretending I run the company.
• My mom just told me that she’s going to make a chart of all the money I spend because she just learned how to use excel…
• Dear Excel, don’t play with me. I know I am doing this Pivot Table right. Don’t mess with my emotions now!
• Guns don’t kill people. Excel kills people. First rule of Excel club…save often. #broketherule #FML #lostm http://t.co/Ov5eebw9
• "Do you want to save your work?" "Yes" "Microsoft Excel has stopped working"
• Making the 2 in CO2 superscript in graph titles in Excel is probably the most infuriating thing I’ve done this month.
• Bow ties designed in excel. I’m afraid i can’t not love that geekiness @grumblemouse
• Put on my propeller hat and taught myself some Excel formulas and code just so I could say "Mine’s better than yours!" at work tomorrow.
• Nothing makes you feel smart like recoloring bar graphs in excel…
• Staring at a blank excel document pretending to work because I ‘m done and everyone else is freaking out
• The source data selector for charts in Excel has to be the worst piece of UI I ever have to use.
• There are people I work w/ that don’t know how to navigate an excel spreadsheet. I assume these people also have difficulty getting dressed.

________________________

No matter how nerdy you are, you shouldn’t print an Excel file so big that the printer runs out of ink. That could lead to a divorce!

• So bored at work. Typing fake phone numbers in an Excel document to look busy. #twomorehours #thankganjitsfriday
• One day I will get Excel 2007 or–dare I say it!–2010, and I will be able to save spreadsheets as .xlsx, LIKE A BIG GIRL. Stupid 2003!
• I sent my boss an Excel spreadsheet I worked on all afternoon to make it look professional.He replied back "thnx" like if we’re texting -_-t
• My idea to color code this entire 340 line Excel spreadsheet document is now proving to be the death of me and cause of my blindness lol
• next i ask my wife how to create a chart in excel and she pulls out a "creating excel charts for dummies" book.
• Seriously, Friends has ruined me. I work with pivot tables in Excel and spend half my time shouting ‘PIVOT!’ in my head. Funny Schwimmer!
• Hehe accidentally just printed all 1000 iterations of that excel problem…or I would have if the printer hadn’t run outa ink |:-)
• Seriously. Excel if you have just lost 2 hrs of my work then you will have to explain to my boss why my laptop jumped out of the window
• Compiling a basketball Excel spreadsheet. Is it too nerdy to say I really love the design of Microsoft Office 2013?
• Playing with charts and graphs avoiding real work. Learned more about Excel as a valet then I ever did in school
• I hate Excel so much that I hate every spreadsheet produced by anyone else but me. My sheets are a masterpiece!
• have you ever created a mammoth of an excel file, ridiculous huge, then smiled and thought, how beautiful my work…yea me neither
• #Excel how do I best describe my hate towards you?
• Ok so I’m having a brain fart and can’t remember how to create this graph in Excel. Who wants to help?
• In hell I’m certain that Satan will make me create Excel Pivot Tables for eternity. #firstworldproblems #excel
• I need a charge code for "The formulas in my Excel file make it so huge that my computer takes 20 minutes to process anything."
• & don’t walk up to a bartender and expect them to give u an excel chart on how much every shot and every drink is!!! ******
• Excel and I almost filed for divorce at lunchtime, but then I made a pivot table and all the happy memories came flooding back. #NotOverYet

____________________________

Try to keep that pivot table feeling as long as possible. Eventually, some sloppy graph will give you a headache, and that will definitely kill the excitement.

• Guys, formatting charts to look half decent in Excel is so much easier and more intuitive than I expected said nobody ever.
• after battling with an excel spreadsheet all day I finally outsmarted the program
• It always comes down to an Excel spreadsheet. Don’t try to fight it, resistance is futile.
• Really, Microsoft? You update Excel for the Mac & now my spreadsheet shuts down when I type in it. That is the opposite of helpful.
• My "boss" asked me to resend the excel file i sent her because the filter was on. Can’t she just un filter herself? Just saying
• Once in a while I get Excel pivot tables working and I think … whoa, Microsoft makes good stuff. Happily, however, the feeling goes away.
• Getting pissed because my boss thinks he is better at excel than I am. #nerdygirlproblems
• I’m sick to death of looking at reports! Even if I look at someone or something all I see is excel spreadsheets #fml #moaningtweet
• Excel. Pivot tables. Scraping. Vlookup. Fusion. #headache
• If you thought pivot in excel is the bomb…..you havent checked out powerpivot….whatup!!!!
• I found my first purple one! (I’m doing a massive spreadsheet, and every other row is either red or green) I’m glad I am going home soon 🙂
• Birthday present to myself: researching music all day, and making graphs in Excel. Just to be clear, I am legitimately excited about this.
• Yes, I DID make an Excel spreadsheet for my Christmas shopping, stop being jealous.
• Why is the default action of a pivot table to count surely it should be sum….
• Trying to figure out an issue in an excel tool that I don’t even know how to use, but have been put in charge of debugging its VBA code. Yay
• Today I will mostly be confused by a spreadsheet & other people’s incompetence #worklife
• how to get the slop of a graph, using #excel?
• Just entered "how to make a chart" on the help function in Excel #englishmajorproblems

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There are lots of chart tweets in today’s collection. Do people build more charts on the weekend, or do they just tweet about them more often? Or maybe the weekend chart builders have more trouble.

• Disturbed to read: "one thing Excel is good at is creating and formatting charts". Maybe the author was being sarcastic?
• In the words of a fellow #Iran watcher: "BREAKING: Iranians have mastered Excel cycle and are fully capable of making pointless graphs!"
• Another sign I’m getting old – I just wrote my xmas list in an Excel spreadsheet 🙁
• I just spent my Saturday night making a pivot table of our budget. We’re old. What happened to all you can drink 9-11?????
• So proud of myself! Just made a graph in Excel for the first time in YEARS! Didn’t even have to google how! 🙂
• I can write VBA codes to crack passwords but can’t make a chart, silly excel brain #storyofmylife
• Spent the last hour of work, changing the colors on an Excel spread sheet to meet my boss’s OCD standards.
• Oh yes, the boss is in a bad mood. Let’s see if I can send him over the top. I’m going to alter his excel report by just 1 formula ha ha ha
• 12 seconds until I heave this effing excel pivot table through the Latteland front window and out into the middle of 47th Street. *&^$%&!
• Got woken up by a weird dream. Something about excel, offensive looking graphs and numbers. Urgh my work is haunting me! 🙁
• When using Excel the most important question is "Can I make a chart with this information?" #chartsarehappiness
• When Excel finally does what I want I feel the need to shout about it. Ahem. EXCEL ACTUALLY DID WHAT I WANT. Aithankyoo
• Thought pivot tables would solve my excel dilemma. I was wrong. Damn.
• Spent 5 hours building a revenue model in excel today. I thought switching to a marketing major meant I didn’t do this anymore. #fml
• I may not speak French but I speak excel. The code is cracked.
• What I’ve done at work so far: Edited Excel documents, Googled "mail order boyfriends", and talked to my boss about my shoes. Movin on up.
• New biz model: woman frazzled by Excel Layout View–I showed her how to toggle to Worksheet view. She buys me $5 gift card. #disruptive

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Yes, every day in an Excel workbook is just like a a visit to a Las Vegas casino. Except for the cold fingers.

• This dude just said "If you keep adding crap to the table you’re gonna make a sick chart eventually." #excel
• I hate excel. I hate excel so much. I hate charts and numbers and math and my fingers are cold.
• Am putting my entire life (present and future, anyway) into a spreadsheet. It will make me more organised, because Excel = organisation, no?
• Let’s see how long I can pass off randomly scrolling thru excel spreadsheets as work
• data crunching with coffee, grey skies outside, pivot table is a mess #haiku
• Totally just used all my excel knowledge and my free trial to make a pie chart of my spending for November. #Responsible
• I love it when you highlight some cells in Excel and little animated stripes round the area make it look like a Vegas casino.
• Trying to put a great amount numbers in excel and doing something with them that everybody will think I’m done special hard work!
• Why would someone leave it over a year to pick up a 44 page spreadsheet to review and have the nerve to ask me where I got a figure from . .
• I could write a book about my adventures with every boss I’ve ever had and that new mysterious thing: EXCEL
• Almost a million total records to start with, and I fished out the 3 dozen meaninful ones. Some days I love Excel.
• If you jerks don’t stop tweeting every stupid meal you ate, I’m gonna start tweeting screenshots of my Excel documents all day. #NoOnceCares
• I can tell you the stress torque exchange rotation for the alternating axis on a 747 jumbo jet but guess what? I still can’t work excel
• My dad and my brother arguing about how you fill in an excel spreadsheet. My family is hilarious
• Spent an hour and a half making this graph on excel, only to find out that my printer’s out of ink! Now to start over with pencil! #GREAT
• In a wine haze, my mother sparkle fingers at me, "Why don’t you make a spreadsheet itinerary for us for Florida in December?" #sorrynotime
• late night, too much drink in this cup, and damn excel spreadsheet to do… #college
• Girl at work tried to use Chart Wizard in Excel today to make a chart… From a blank spreadsheet with no data on. #numptyalert
• Woke up really angry because of a dream where my co-workers screwed up my excel chart.. I need help.

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Before you resort to creating your own software to replace Excel, drink a little beer, and dream about the Sistine Chapel. That might help you avoid a nervous breakdown.

• In my next life I want to be an accountant. I want to love excel spreadhsheets. I want numbers to excite me. I want budgeting to be my thing
• It took 4 accountants half n hour to split a bill with the help of 3 calculators and an excel spreadsheet #ohdear #iminthewrongcareer lol
• On my work Xmas do and we’re talking about Excel. That’s how we roll…
• You know you’re a nerd when you comment how cool someone’s pivot table is
• I have created my own Sistine chapel in the form of an excel spreadsheet. Creative genius in its purest form. #notinvitedtoparties
• That awkward moment when you click on Excel and don’t realize it’s been open for 3 days with a spreadsheet that you hope hasn’t been changed
• That, my friend is where spontaneous dinner plans are better than your weird excel spreadsheet meal planner :/ #Sucker
• how many designers does it take to print an excel spreadsheet onto an a3 page? apparently three!
• Microsoft Excel is stupid. I’m going to create my own spreadsheet software.
• I need help making a graph on Excel and I am about to have a nervous breakdown
• Just went cross-eyed while cross referencing an Excel spreadsheet. That’s a real thing. #workplacesafety
• You wont believe how stressed I am! I want to scream and drink beer til tomorrow…. god complete these graphs. I hate excel!!!!
• There is a weird recurring noise outside so my co-worker starts a spreadsheet to record the times of day this noise goes off. #ITnerdiness
• I need a pivot table genius. I’m at the end of my skills.
• just got so into the excel spreadsheet i’m working on that i had to put my hair up…. call me shallow one more time #nerdy
• So where is the setting to let me open each Excel workbook in its own instance *by default*? Or am I just holding it wrong?
• I will undoubtedly spend more time formatting a spreadsheet for my packing than I will actually packing. I love Excel, what of it?

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Do the numbers ever end in Excel? Maybe they do, somewhere between the devil and the deep blue sea.

• Today is titled, "My pivot table isn’t working and other Excel issues."
• Looking at the data in excel & trying to graph it for this paper makes me feel like someone asked me to drive blindfolded but not wreck #URG
• I had to send an excel workbook out into the world. I’m kind of terrified what it’ll look like when it comes back to me.
• I’ve fallen out of love with Excel. I thought this would never happen. 🙁
• I have learned so much about excel with these damned sales charts. I still hate it.
• I am so basic I can barely make an excel worksheet. This is why I’m not a business major just incase anyone was wondering.
• Currently eavesdropping on an in-depth conversation about Excel spreadsheet formulas between two very elderly men!
• Things that excite me these days: making charts in excel and analyzing numbers. OMGGGG
• Planning a holiday is so stressful, I even made an Excel spreadsheet so I can compare prices #thingsaregettingserious
• I’ve spent the last 20 minutes of work scrolling down Microsoft Excel to see when the numbers will end… They don’t. Ever. #productive
• Dreading this excel advanced programming course because of work, but I have to attend this because of work.the devil and the deep blue sea.
• oo, oo, who wants to see my new fancy spreadsheet for a summer project? Yes, I know it’s November.
• The frequency function in excel is cool but very unintuitive. If you can get it to work without looking it up your a genius.
• I’ve started to have nightmares about excel sheets and graphs and pie charts.
• When I get stressed, I plan my life out on Microsoft Excel charts. #totallynormal
• Just finished a sweet Excel spreadsheet – sprinkled w/ some yummy macros & a smidgen of VBA. Perfect way to finish off the week! #DontJudge
• Reason #123456789 that I love my hubs – he just sent me a list of potential holiday gifts in an excel spreadsheet. #NerdsRule #MaritalBliss
• awesome thing about the SurfaceRT: you can work with Excel. Biggest problem: no excuse not to fix the spreadsheet anywhere you are.

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What are you thankful for, besides sour cream, pivot tables, pies, and knowing how to make Excel charts?

• Spent the better part of the afternoon writing a macro in VB for Excel! #BadNews: It didn’t work. #GoodNews: I was able to simply record one
• My new-found use of Excel Pivot Tables is going to take my geekiness to all new levels of tracking statistics!
• I’m not saying I work too much, but an Excel spreadsheet did just play a role in my sex dream.
• I told this boy to make one simple spreadsheet. Why is there a spreadsheet explaining another explaining another. WTF.
• I just made an Excel spreadsheet then said aloud to nobody "I really like how that turned out". What the hell have I become?
• I just called a spreadsheet "Dearie" – Me and Excel are like an old married couple. #OfficeSkills
• Chilli sensations, sour cream, coca cola classic, fresh meat & a lot to write on analogue principles, excel tables, graphs & binary..
• Every child sent a letter to Santa. I, however, made an excel spreadsheet and emailed it to him.
• Problem solved. The most efficient way to plan at work is to use the Microsoft Excel "Meal Planner" template
• My mom just emailed me an excel spreadsheet about thanksgiving #help
• I am so proud of myself. I made a complete Excel graph all by myself. That is a major accomplishment for me.
• feeling like a proper accountant right now, payslips and scraps of paper everywhere. a spreadsheet on the computer and my brain hurts :L
• mince pies for breakfast, now making an excel spreadsheet for presents, yeah i’m stoked for christmas 2012!
• There are infinite ways to break Excel I never even dreamed of. #Work #FML
• My boss said "remember AK48" for something excel related and I was like NO PROBLEM B)
• You know you hang w/nerds when a pal is excited that the number of rows in an Excel 2010 worksheet has been increased to over 1 million
• I haven’t written a LICK of code in a week or two. Unless you count Excel. That’s just sad. I’ll NEVER be any good at this rate. 🙁
• I don’t know what I’m more excited for next week, the food or the fact that I won’t have to see an excel spreadsheet for 5 straight days

alsdkfj

It’s a good day if you manage to make a pie chart, have cheese on toast for lunch, and aren’t killed by an Excel function.

• My work laptop can’t handle the awesome power of my excel spreadsheets.
• After turning to Excel and crafting a finely tuned pivot table I have concluded that I need: A. A hot tub or B. A puppy
• Watching someone work in Excel for 75 mins is definitely the most boring thing ever.
• Such a good day at work that even an hour’s training on Excel reports couldn’t remove my smile #mystudentsareawesome
• It took me 2 hours to put together a simple double line graph…. Excel didn’t read my mind the way I wanted it to… Smh ** ****
• Introducing my wife to the delights of Excel pivot tables.
• Not so secret secret: I can code a little, but I suck at putting together Excel spreadsheets 🙁
• If I were to die right now my autopsy would read some stupid excel function #frustratedaf
• a morning battling with excel graphs is not the ideal scenario after a rubbish nights sleep, hoping cheese on toast for lunch helps
• I slow-clap for myself everytime I put together an excel sheet with formulas that work!
• Pivot table training today. Useful but dull
• I made pie charts and stuff in excel today! It was like having a proper job…for a minute.
• I just simply refuse to stare at an excel spreadsheet for the next 2hrs
• #spc12 Presenter actually said: "one of the pitfalls of PowerPivot is that it doesn’t work! " http://t.co/aMZYFDVa
• When I find myself in times of trouble, I make Excel spreadsheets to graph potential outcomes of situations #marriagematerial
• Excel. I was having a good day until you showed up and made me stupid. Go die in a hole .#petulant
• I’m having a party back here by myself because I dont care about stupid excel!!!
• I love sitting in the back row of this IT class and watching as more and more people give up on excel and move onto facebook and solitare

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That’s what Excel should be used for – minced pie assessments. Or should that be minced pi? Would Nate Silver eat that?

• I can write a whole website in code but I can’t pass an Excel test. College is so stupid sometimes. #veryupset
• Right enough work. Brain has melted. Off out for dinner. Note: if you write over formulas in Excel you should be shot. Repeatedly.
• that moment when you realize making a color coded excel spreadsheet of your spring semester was the highlight of your day… #college #lame
• Why would you send me an excel workbook without any formulas?? #actuaryproblems #ugh
• Still don’t get why we’re not taught to use Excel. If I can work a blank spreadsheet, it’s obvious I get the math concept. #RealSkills
• That moment when you did all the graphs for your lab report wrong… Thank god my dad is an Excel genius
• Is it possible to go into beast mode on an excel spreadsheet I have 2.5 hours to finish what normally takes all day? #CorporateGrinding
• Excel error? Let me just change your macro setting… No I don’t really work out. Why yes, I am free for dinner. That’s what I’m banking on.
• Does excel blow up if u pivot the pivot table #pivottablesaresocool
• How has all my years of schooling not taught me how to make a line graph on excel. Good thing we got YouTube tutorials
• Every night, Drunk Nate Silver sits down at a pivot table for dinner. He doesn’t eat. He just crunches numbers. Mostly pi. #drunknatesilver
• The customer tracks issues in Excel… and sends us a SCREENSHOT of the spreadsheet when it’s time for a status update.
• “I copied the excel chart into Paint and created a Jpeg. Are you able to get it clearer for me?” <- adjusted the hue for rosier numbers.
• At a Starbucks downtown and a guy sitting at a table burst out laughing. On his laptop screen? An Excel spreadsheet.
• Time to relax after my first day instore… Then up tomorrow for more work as I stare into the void that is an excel spreadsheet.
• Curse the man who sent me an excel spreadsheet with every single line highlighted with bright yellow #blind
• That awkward moment when you realize that Excel does not magically turn numbers into graphs. #lost #help…
• Other news, the firm have made an Excel spreadsheet to mark the scores of mince pies which will be bought from different places on fridays.

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