Author: Debra Dalgleish

Even if you are an Excel code poet, you should consider adding more cowbell to your workbooks. You could try that on one of your bossless days.

• Important Advice: Never (even accidentally) rename and replace an Excel #SpreadSheet with a blank one.
• There’s nothing I love more than exploring an Excel workbook with 7 hidden sheets, 16 named ranges, and lots of formulas. #NeedsMoreCowbell
• Masterfully exited Excel-hell only to be grappled to the floor by the PowerPoint demons… Just another day in the life of a Code Poet 🙂
• Disregard that last tweet. Figured it out. Stupid Excel.
• I love Excel. Some formulas can make life easier.
• This is one of the sexiest things in all of math. No, my prof didn’t show us a picture of Kate Upton teaching, he showed us an excel graph
• Actually, even more: Damn you Excel for removing highlights in unfocused windows. 90% of my worksheet switches are to re-find a selection.
• Confession: I don’t (and don’t know how to) use Excel. Whatever tables/charts I do, I do via Word/Pages.
• Have just seen someone use excel to create a flow chart…suddenly exploded 3d pie charts dont seem so bad #tableau
• Hell will be trying to make a graph on an intermittently closing unexpectedly excel so good thing I’m practicing so early
• I keep my Thanksgiving recipes/timelines/etc in an Excel spreadsheet. SO nerdy, but it lets me cook the perfect feast w/o any help!
• The doctor asked me to help her edit her excel spreadsheet and check her email for some files…while she’s preparing the injections…
• I opened my excel sheet since morning but I have yet filled in a word till now. One of those boss-less days.
• Gosh, I just can’t wait for Microsoft Office for iOS. After 10 hours of work I’m just bustin’ to go home and create a pivot table.
• Mother in law calling at 9:45 is never good.. “How do I open that workbook thing you helped me with?” “Open Excel” “Where is that?” …
• One day an over-engineered Excel spreadsheet, connected to a data cube will become sentient and destroy us all.
• Give me a beer and Excel. Watching patterns appear from data noise is quite beautiful. Or maybe I should try #excel pivot without beers.

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Have you ever envisioned Excel in Tupperware form? What does that mean – little sealed containers, instead of cells? Or maybe it’s some logic that I just don’t understand. 

• Dear self, making a report on Excel does not require internet connection. So go to work even if the internet’s not working!
• Slowly but surely learning to love pivot tables #excel
• Excel has logic I just don’t understand… #FML
• Three hours of excel later, I am in a much worse mood than I was when I began this stupid assignment. #grrrr #Ih8ecology #dumbdumbdumb
• Thanks excel. I didn’t really need that 6 hours of work #autosavemyass #heartbroken
• I’m pretty sure that Excel’s implementation of pivot tables is just magic.
• that moment when you realize you missed class because you were stressing so much over how to make graphs on excel.
• "I’m envisioning an excel spreadsheet in Tupperware form." Wow I cannot believe those words left my mouth… But I can #NerdForever
• We’re learning how to make pie charts in excel, and some girl is looking up how to make pies on the Internet..
• I’d rather write code than deal with a spreadsheet pivot table contraption!
• My boss doesn’t know excel and I do. I feel pretty darn useful right now.
• I’ve written some vba code in Excel that has made me way more happy than it should. When did my life go so wrong?
• Today is a happy day ^_^ was told that my excel chart is nicely done ^^
• I hope nobody is looking at my screen cos I just googled how to make bar graph in excel. I’m a dinosaurrrrr.
• working through a market rounding problem…not embarrassed to admit that excel actually helped. 🙂
• Microsoft Excel. Stupid software with endless boxes -_-
• So happy that the nerd in me is awesome at excel spreadsheets. Not having to do any sort of math for this stupid project is fantastic.
• In case anyone was wondering the maximum number of rows you can have in an excel 2003 worksheet is 65,536. And no, that is not enough.

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If you are going to ask your little sister to help with your Excel homework, make sure that she’s not carrying any applesauce.

• There are some engineers who see a problem and think, "I know, I’ll use VB and Excel." Now they have a management job awaiting them. #fb
• I am a boss at Microsoft Excel. I’m not sure if I should be proud of that.
• Excel becomes a different type of monster when you right-click a sheet’s tab and select "view code" #bankai
• I am now going to open an Excel spreadsheet for major curriculum planning. This is as exciting as starting up a new car. (Don’t judge me.)
• Working with PowerPivot is so….ugh
• You know you’re doing some intense excel work when you have dubstep playing in the background
• I wonder how much of my engineering career has been spent adjusting Excel charts (colors, lines, labels, font size) for PowerPoint slides.
• This excel spreadsheet is my baby. I shall cradle it in my arms tonight and run my fingers through its formulas.
• I have an algebra project due tomorrow and I have no idea how to make graphs on excel. And am I working ok it? No. I’m laying in bed.
• I’m basically the bruce springsteen of pivot tables in excel
• I have no idea if excel is stupid or is the formula that I typed in not clear enough **
• who has a computer? We need to look at that excel spreadsheet -what everyone wants to hear at a party
• My schedule for work that my boss just sent me uses Excel and honestly, it’s like reading a foreign language
• That feeling when it’s 8:30 PM and you accidentally delete the wrong Excel worksheet without saving…
• Toddler: What you got there a 1400 line Excel workbook?Let me slap my applesauce on the keyboard and erase all the formatting
• I just created an excel formula containing SUMIF and INDIRECT commands & I think my workbook has become sentient as a result.
• Just scrolled really fast down an Excel spreadsheet. Almost gave myself a seizure.
• 3 infuriating hours and I still can’t create the stupid chart is stupid excel. now trying to get little sister to do my homework for me.

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Is Excel your cup of tea, or does it make you feel confused and angry? Maybe you’re touching the mouse too often.

• My holiday spreadsheet now has 11 worksheets. It may be getting a little out of control :p
• When was the last time you opened an Excel spreadsheet?
• Going down in history as being the worst spreadsheet/graph maker ever #4hrslater
• I feel like an elderly person who is confused and angry with technology when I’m forced to graph in Excel. #luddite
• Dear microsoft: after spending over an hour getting pissed off at excel, i am not remotely interested in windows 8. your timing needs work.
• I’m a simple man. My wish is to one day work on excel without ever touching the mouse.
• If you make me come to work on a saturday i’l play excel sheet games all day
• Making stupid mistakes on excel and having to redo my work… -__- #notmycupoftea
• so apparently Excel pivot tables are sexy….really?…Is there another interpretation of sexy I don’t know about?!
• Alyson is scooping up cat litter, I’m doing an excel spreadsheet, and Alyson’s neighbors are having some kind of crazy awesome party… #wth
• let the magic begins… *opens excel spreadsheet* 😀
• If this lady asks me one more question about this pivot table…. I’ll go brain dead. I promise. Why is she even doing a pivot table? Ugh.
• If i made a graph of how unproductive my computer makes me, i would need to install excel first
• Walked a (slightly older) classmate through drawing a complex graph on Excel after lecture. Good deed done for the day.
• Teaching my fiancé how to make charts in Excel for his work. The joys of dating a computer teacher!
• I actually just googled "how to make graphs in excel". New low.
• They say we are the generation if technology but half these kids don’t know how make an Excel worksheet #seriously

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If you’re having trouble with Excel, and you feel like a dummy, maybe it would help if you dressed up like a spreadsheet. Or ask the kids to help you with those charts!

• Having a Fawlty Towers John Cleese moment because I can’t get a chart to work properly in excel "right I’ll give you 3, then you’re for it"
• I wrote 500 lines of code today. Ask me how Excel can save the world ;D
• I am a Dummy in Excel. Made a Dummy Graph in Excel, And the next day my boss asked me to teach him how to do that. #TrueStory
• I wish there were more things in life that could be quickly solved with a pivot table.
• Careful, Excel is a gateway drug. Soon you’re sneaking Visio charts, then mainlining clip art in PowerPoint, then huffing Paint
• My boss just caught me scrolling down an excel workbook to see how many rows you can have.
• I just used an Excel spreadsheet to generate some SQL Code. I am a bad person
• Obviously Excel was created for the Einsteins of the world. Can’t even make a graph on the damn thing. #TechnologyForDummiesPlease
• work is so horrible today, not the people, the work itself… so many pointless excel charts SO MANY
• Twitter lunch poll: What should my Halloween costume be for work on Friday? Leading candidate is an excel spreadsheet.
• A few if statements, some funny messages, a for loop, 4 lines of VBA code and some colours. Kids have started enjoying math tables in excel.
• if i never have to read another excel spreadsheet + color code / detail it… i would be the happiest girl in the world.
• instead of writing skype virus, why don’t someboby write excel virus so we can finally uninstall excel at work #dbWithoutExcel
• I just created my first pivot table! And yes that was worthy of a post since I can’t run around the office bragging about basic excel skills
• My boss is displaying a high level of proficiency with excel and PowerPoint. It’s like she doesn’t even WANT to be a sr officer at our firm
• **"With a dreamy, far-off look, and her nose stuck in…" two computer monitors and an Excel Workbook. #workproblems
• Excel Training: "Who’s here for pivot tables?!!" Some people actually got excited. I may be on the wrong path in life

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Sure, you can build cool Excel charts, and do a copy and paste. But can you replace an electrical outlet, and stay sane?

• No rush in life as great as the cycling of the sheets of an excel spreadsheet when you hit "enable macros"
• Scratch that, how people can work with excel their whole life and remain sane is a mystery to me
• Excel charts you are working my last nerve! I know I am missing something obvious.
• Seeking: any human that knows how to run freakin’ Excel. I so should have concentrated during all those stupid courses at school.
• Excel has just unexpectedly closed, losing data from all 6 sheets and 9 charts that were open #gutted #alwayssaveyourworkkids
• Just fell asleep with my hand on the number pad, and when I woke up I had about 50 lines of 0’s in my Excel worksheet.
• taught my boss some pivot table functions in excel. her response: "it’s a christmas miracle!" #nerddepartment #loveit
• A cold pint and VPN. Now time to decipher what an Excel "invalid error" might be. Wow thanks for all those details service centre #FML
• This professor never tells us exactly what he wants. How am I supposed to do a huge Excel workbook without precise instructions ?!?
• You know you’re a serious excel spreadsheet boss when you’ve got information in cell AAG189 #corporateworld
• In order to succeed in the business world you must know how to make cool graphs on excel and how to copypaste data onto excel
• Last night when I was drunk and in my room I apparently made an excel chart of how my night went. http://t.co/HJmSidBE
• That lovely moment when you’re in the middle of an excel spreadsheet and your fat foot accidentally pulls the power chord out of the wall.
• Excel wizardry is mostly comprised of pivot tables, pivot graphs, vlookups, and conditional formatting.
• I lift my head from Excel to notice its dark outside. #fml
• Almost 1am and my brain decides it wants to work on an Excel spreadsheet. Obviously.
• Perfect man: one who can work on ur car, replace an elec outlet, AND write an advanced Excel formula like a boss. #SexyHandsBeautifulBrain

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Do you write better Excel code in the shower? Or does Excel move like a snail, no matter where you are?

• Do you think ‘total’ or ‘summary’ is the most used worksheet name in MS Excel?
• If you really hate someone, make him work on a code or an excel model made by someone else.
• Just about had it w/ MS Excel Mac today – moving like a snail because somebody put something invisible & weird in spreadsheet, grrrrr
• Showed the people here how to make charts in Excel (really). I can say that if I get hit by a bus after leaving work today, I left my mark.
• Sometimes the answer is an excel worksheet NOT word. #justsaying
• It’s not even 9am and I’ve already managed to crash an Excel spreadsheet. Today is going to be one of those days 🙁
• making colorful charts in excel sounded better before it became my job.
• Also I need to learn how to use excel tonight and make about 50 different graphs !!! Ahhhh
• Dear Employers – "Use an excel spreadsheet" and "make it look pretty" are not good instructions alone, even less so when combined.
• My daddy needs to teach me how to work Excel and make graphs. Thank the Lord, at least someone in the house knows.
• My head hurts. I’m trying to calculate graphs in Excel and rewrite Macros. These two do not mix.
• *writes a macro that makes a low res picture of bart simpson slowly fill the screen, emails to boss, dons "excel 2010 thug" tshirt*
• Just found out that Excel is sexist. Did a pie chart of male against female students and it picked blue for men & red for women
• Printing out old excel documents from floppies. Just like a boss.
• Laptop out. Hello Excel, my friend *stroking keyboard lovingly*. Today I shall pivot you around many axes. You are mine *Evil laugh*
• I just thought of the perfect excel VBA code while having a shower. How geeky of me. **
• I always feel slightly less confident in a scientist if the graph he’s using to show his results is made in Excel.

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Yes, an Excel spreadsheet might be a terrifying Halloween costume, but what if it’s girly and obnoxious too? Would that be more or less terrifying?

• Awesome. I’m being put to work using Excel. I wish everyday was like this.
• I’ve done a spreadsheet of beers I want to try at the Nottingham beer festival. I am old and sad. There are over 1000 beers though!
• Just ate my whole lunch, and in that timeframe my damn Excel workbook still didn’t finish calculating (some kind of #problems)
• All I wanna do is curl up and eat soup and never see another math problem or excel spreadsheet for as long as I live. #longweek #humpday
• Just finished my 2013 budget for work and I was left with a $1 surplus? Work with me, Excel. Round down!
• Excel has become the MS project of young agile teams. The more time you spend in a spreadsheet, the less it reflects the truth.
• I love Excel so much…but only when I use it for myself. I hate it at work.
• Hello, I’m your new boss. Can you show me how to use Excel? #WhatWouldYouDo?
• Death by Excel today. Not cool. It’s not Excel that I have a problem with. It’s these awful spreadsheets that some people dream up.
• I think I’ll be an Excel spreadsheet for Halloween. They are terrifying.
• Closed excel without saving it. That’ll show it who’s boss. Until tomorrow when I have to do it from scratch.
• Dying an Excel spreadsheet death today. Who knew Pivot Tables and Macros could cause panic attacks?
• I thought this wine would help me be able to make a pivot table but instead it’s making me want to call it quits
• i know i’m living the dream when the highlight of my day is getting to color code an excel spreadsheet….!!!!!!
• I can learn how to perform functions in Excel from a book. It’s how to logically create a spreadsheet that is difficult.
• A new nerd step has been taketh. I just learned how to write an Excel code.
• making my excel presentation and charts obnoxious and girly. everyone at work must suffer.

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If you don’t have a pet bird that will help with your Excel work, maybe the guy sitting beside you on the train would have some advice. Or, ask the auditor to help you.

• But there’s no audit trail with a pivot table. So auditors don’t like ’em. That’s why I use ’em.
• Apparently some people think that my color-coded 2pg excel worksheet Christmas list is overkill. *blank stare* I like gift giving, ok? D …
• Excel charts cause my happy neurons to fire. THEY’RESONEAT. #punny
• You know you’re an accounting geek when you use pivot tables and filters for your wedding/social excel spreadsheets.
• When you start writing nested Excel logic functions that are as long as your forearm, you should probably just learn to code.
• The internet is much more interesting than this excel worksheet…
• Just solved a coworkers problem by reminding him Excel assumes angles are in radians, not degrees. This was followed by much swearing
• this problem is because of fonts? FONTS, EXCEL???
• Me when the ability to change worksheet tab colours was added to Excel: OMG! THAT’S AWESOME. #massiveloser #Excelnerd #notactuallyuseful
• Anyone know how to create MariMekko charts?in excel? I have all the raw data! #desperate #excel #help #chart
• I am still surprised that there are no really good chart/graph tools. Try creating a good looking world map in Microsoft Excel. Good luck!
• Just received an Excel workbook containing 10,000 sheets… :\
• A little homework in Excel before gaming. My pivot tables and arrays are becoming sexier by the version… All your data are belong to us.
• I’m not going to dress as an Excel spreadsheet for Halloween. That sums up my feelings.
• I’ve started to have Excel spreadsheet formula dreams.
• Now I have a Celtic genre radio station because my parakeet & I love the sound of a fiddle and it just made this Excel spreadsheet more fun
• Traveling back to #CLT guy sitting beside me’s working on an Excel spreadsheet that could run NY stock market. . I’m playing Freecell.
• What a terrible day. Clearly, I need to take a "creating complex charts in excel" class.

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If Excel is giving you nightmares, try to avoid the omnishambles, and stop using radar charts.

• Terror is knowing that somewhere, somehow, a gov’t employee is using a calculator to fill in values in an Excel ’97 spreadsheet.
• I guess I don’t know Excel as well as I thought I did. WTH is a pivot table? #mybrainhurts
• that spreadsheet had over 8,000 cells. this genius was deleting information..wait for it..cell by cell. *blankstare*
• the bio teacher is having the time of his life on this excel worksheet that shows natural selection and we’re all dying.
• It’s like the Excel gods do not want me to work tonight.
• User looking for VBA to add a series to an #Excel radar chart. The only correct answer: stop using radar charts!
• One of my Excel pet peeves is when a workbook is sent out in "Page Break Preview" mode. Switch it to "Normal" to keep your spread cred.
• Just had a stupid nightmare that woke me up. I couldn’t figure out something in MS Excel, clicked the wrong thing and erased everything. O.o
• Being asked to complete an Excel spreadsheet form that doesn’t have autoformatting smacks of laziness. You couldn’t format it – why should I
• Oh my gawd. If you create a giant honking Excel report at work, it’s called freaking FREEZE PANES. DO IT OR DIE BY MY HAND. #NGoD
• The moment when you realize you have to dumb down your Excel work…
• It would be nice if Excel allowed simple suppression of zero value chart data labels. Also: world peace.
• Such a rooky mistake! Just lost 4 and a half hours work. Ty excel filters, you deceiving swine. #couldscream Guess I’ll have to start again.
• Solidly in the "hate" phase of my love-hate relationship with Excel.
• We love Excel. We love Excell. Say it with me. Maybe we’ll start believing it. We love Excel. #charts. 😉
• Loving the fact that every speaker so far has leveraged a pivot table to illustrate their point. #smx
• I think I found a bug in Excel :/ and… lost a bunch of work… 🙁
• I’ve reached the last spreadsheet page in excel, I’m putting it on my cv.
• My face is blank, but my eyes are saying "I’m freelance, I’m not here after tomorrow. Sort out your own excel spreadsheet omnishambles."

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If you’re only as hot as your last worksheet, you’d better skip the pool parties and focus on that budget.

• My Excel teacher just stopped in the middle of class and goes, "Oooh, I just love this stuff! It’s so fun!" #crazycatlady
• Just made the most perfect chart on Excel:) #nerdtweet
• Chances are increasing rapidly that I’m going to slam my fist through an Excel workbook screen.
• I’m really getting into my 20s. Have a excel ssheet budget, I listen to NPR to/from work, Im trying to run, and I hate high fructose crnsyp
• Instead of doing project work, I’m making an excel sheet of all the drinks I know how to make. #LesserofTwoEvils
• the best part of an excel book is usually the Pivot Table
• My boss keeps claiming that "Excel Queen, Emperess of Projects" is not an official grade or recognised role.
• Charts, Excel, numbers, receipts, McDonald’s, and coffee. #mydayinanutshell #goodwiththebad
• i’m meant to be at a pool party but insted i’m here working with Pivot table slicers. I need a new hobby and friends #sadlittleman
• So I had to work yesterday right, and my boss gone get mad at ME cause HE ain’t know how to use excel -____-
• you’re only as hot as your last excel spreadsheet, that’s what I always say
• literally been starring at my screen for 15 minutes trying to figure out how to make a pie chart on excel. #igotnothin
• Thought i was an excel wiz, my boss just saved me an hour with two clicks. #owned
• Publishing can be terribly glamorous except when those giants #excel, #grids and #charts darken your door.
• I always make graphs on PowerPoint and then paste them onto Word or Excel
• Sippin coffee and filling out excel spreadsheets like a boss.

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Where did your life go wrong? Did you forget to alphabetize? Was it a result of dedication or procrastination or time wasted on Excel Gantt charts?

• In a given week, my boss talks to me about this excel spreadsheet for at least 10 hours. Today, we are talking about color coding:(
• That awkward moment when you break everything you and your boss did on Excel. #Oops #Fired
• Crap. I just found myself smiling while working with Excel. Do formulas & pivot tables really bring me joy? WHAT HAVE I BECOME?? #fb
• The moment when your excel amortization problem solves correctly: priceless.
• For the love of sweet baby jesus, don’t use excel if your not going to organize and alphabetize it! Literally takes two extra clicks. ******
• Having to create a pivot table in Excel makes you wonder where you’re life went wrong.
• "Whenever you mention pivot tables in excel, it’s like you’ve crossed over into black arts or something." so entertained by #dc12 roadshow
• Did my 1st excel work by myself. Ok I had a lil help bt I still did it.
• Wrote the coolest lil filter & calculations for my wifes worksheet all night #GoodHusband #Excel #VBA #Macro #HashtagsAreAnnoying
• Student sent me an email saying she spent the afternoon youtubing how to graph on excel. #dedication or #procrastination on something else?
• it’s taking all my willpower to remain professional after figuring out how to work this complicated excel file. Wanna do a hump dance.
• Creating line charts in Excel and drinking beer. This is my life. http://t.co/5emTLQBG
• I thought my film project’d be giving me anxiety over the next week. That was before I sat down to make a chart in Microsoft #Excel… #HELP
• If I send you an excel worksheet..why would you print it, highlight it and MAIL it back to me? #TechFail
• I’ve done it. Broke Microsoft Excel. Pivot tables no longer grab the right data. It’s broken. Now what?
• Can I just tell twitter how much I love Excel formulas!? #MakingAccountingEASY!
• I am an excel spreadsheet ninja!!! Just so you know. 🙂
• I just discovered by accident that Ctrl+N opens up a brand new Excel worksheet. Today is a good day.
• How much time is wasted trying to use Excel to make useful Gantt charts? Too much.

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Don’t worry – I have those Excel dreams too. Let’s blame the NFL replacement #REF!s.

• I just used Excel to convert data to percentages, then multiply by chart height to get accurate pixels. All hope is gone. #dataNerd
• My boss wants me to put all this info on an excel spread sheet. I don’t think I’ve ever used excel for real life. Wish me luck..
• Next time my Excel spreadsheet doesn’t work, I’m going to blame the replacement #REF!s. #NFL
• anyone else have dreams where they work out how to finish off the formatting of an excel spreadsheet? just me? right then, carry on…
• 100% convinced that when I go to hell I will be forced to work in Microsoft Excel for all eternity
• Just created the most beautiful Excel spreadsheet you probably have ever seen but knowing me it’s completely incorrect.
• i’m too stupid to create #pivot table in #excel, but I’m a hero in modifying them 😀
• Man I love Microsoft excel! How thoughtful of it to hide all my graphs from me in a teeny left hand box. I had a total of 37 sheets going.
• VLOOKUP inside COUNTIF inside AVERAGE inside HLOOKUP pulling from a pivot table. MY BRAIN IS EXPLODING #ihateNAerrors #excelprobs ****
• Excel just turned all of my dates in a chart to 1900. Well played, Microsoft, well played.
• Excel is AMAZING! Watch out world, soon I’ll have harnessed the power of the pivot table
• I love that Microsoft thought to allow Excel to sort columns by color. I can’t think of a usecase, but someone’s happy it’s there, I’m sure.
• OK code nerds, let’s play Who Wants To Troubleshoot Alan’s Excel Macro? [dramatic music, Laker Girls with t-shirt guns]
• I have yet again screwed up a graph…it said "#NAME?" yes, excel. I have a name.
• One day, somebody in my lab will send me an Excel spreadsheet that contains no errors. And I will appreciate it, a lot.
• Awh bless my mother. She thinks I’m some sort of genius because I can put numbers into an Excel spreadsheet
• I think I’m going to use part of my training funds to take a "Power User" Excel class. I want to learn how to do a Pivot Chart.

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Your day will go better if you wear a super cute outfit, and drink coffee, while working on those tough pivot table problems.

• It is a mistake to think you can solve any problem just with potatoes or Microsoft excel
• I think i have a problem…..making a list on excel just calmed me down!!!! #organize
• Boss asked siri how to use microsoft excel :/ cool bro
• I never thought I’d live to see the day that I needed 10k rows in an excel workbook. It’s so beautiful.
• After several attempts of making this pivot table work, I gave up, got coffee, tried again, and it worked! Magic. #coffeefixeseverything
• I am not in the mood whatsoever to create an excel worksheet to do the accounting cycle for a pretend company with pretend data
• Pitching a musical on spreadsheets. Already penned a gospel rejoice on formulae and reckon I can sort a pivot table tap dance. #backtowork
• I always flirt with the concept of dumping Excel for Numbers, but then I think, do I really need another spreadsheet program in my life?
• I ‘heart’ pivot tables. Thanks Excel. Given me extra time for a cup of tea and a Twitter break. Now if only it could say what it all means?
• I have no clue why strangers keep complimenting me today but apparently I have a super cute outfit on & I make nice graphs on Excel #thanks
• Our IT problem tracker has an issue "Excel is being a dick" as status "resolved". Unlikely.
• did you know that all cells regenerate so after 10 years you have a completely different excel spreadsheet
• Client called to ask if I could stop by Monday to make the letters bigger on the excel spreadsheet I built her. Lost Cause?
• Talking to a fellow mac owner…"why don’t you use Windows to do your excel graph" Me "Nahhh it’s never that serious"
• That feeling when you just know your excel spreadsheet isn’t going to recover your documents
• Did I seriously just Google "How to make a bar chart in Excel"? I swear Excel was simpler when I used it in primary school.
• I used to make bar charts on Excel for fun when I was younger. I was a strange child.

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Sure, but could a British boy show you how to make a chart with an exploding coin? Or would you have to search for that on YouTube?

• Just answered my boss’ MS Excel question with "Is forbidden!!", in the voice of the creepy alien from #StarTrek III. I need a vacation.
• You can never have too much spreadsheet. Or cowbell. But mostly spreadsheet. I totally live by my Excel outlines.
• Just closed my excel sheet that I’ve been working on for over an hour and clicked "don’t save" #fml #imanidiot #problemsofacollegestudent
• My budget on an Excel spreadsheet has corrupted. Does this mean I have too much or not enough money?
• It’s official. Excel formulas are more complicated than HTML code. The formulas on this spreadsheet are doing my head in! :/
• I work with people who don’t know the difference between a spreadsheet and a tab, and a column and a row. We work on excel all day.
• thank god for youtube and the little british boy that just taught me how to make a pie chart on excel
• Excel formulas is just not enough. I do need to learn how to code..
• I don’t care about stupid "if" statements in Excel #itsnaptime
• I have 6 half-written emails, 2 voicemails on my cell, 3 on my work line and an excel worksheet that looks like robot talk. I need a beer.
• PRETTY PLEASE someone who has taken comp sci, meet me at Starbucks at 3 and teach me how to make charts on Excel. This is an urgent tragedy.
• Wifey has just discovered a £1 coin chart for excel. She thinks it would be better if it could explode into different coins for partitioning
• Just saved myself another 5 hours of work using an Excel formula that took 2 minutes to write. Love it.
• I just created a monthly budget excel spreadsheet. Happy half birthday to me. #23.5 #oldandpoor
• OH at MCC “They’re making me take some stupid excel class. I’m going into business, I’m never going to use that.”
• I suppose ‘people watching’ is only a whimsical, harmless pastime if you don’t note their daily movements in an Excel spreadsheet after.
• I literally had to show a coworker how to make an excel spreadsheet. She had me write down each step-left click, right click highlight ****
• That sad moment when you try to high five people at work b/c you managed to make excel do what it’s supposed to
• Boss: "Steve, you’re good at Excel, right?" Me: *opens Google* "Sure, what do you need?"
• Work sent a few of us to an advanced pivot table class. There have been many oooh’s and aaah’s. #nerdalert

____________________

When you finish the code that listens for Christmas sleigh bells, please send me a copy. I’ll send you the $10 that I found in my jeans (if I still have it).

• Took the day off and still ended up producing an Excel pivot table and chart (for personal finances). What is wrong with me.
• I’m so bad at making charts on Excel. My brain so does not work that way.. #DamnYouLeftBraineders…
• Going to write a piece of code now that checks for Christmas Day by listening out for sleigh bells and checking my bank balance. #excel #vba
• You know you’ve forgotten everything you learnt in your high school computer classes when you google how to to make a chart in excel.
• so apparently if your Excel workbook contains more than 15 worksheets, complex formulas and 3000+ lines, it bombs continuously #bleedingeyes
• I love how my professor obsessive compulsively centers all the cells in Excel
• Oh snap, learning how to create pivot tables in Excel at work today…watch out world!! #ExcelNerd
• Just customized some macro code for Excel… Yay for Google.
• Why is Microsoft Excel so dumb it won’t open another workbook when you are editing a cell?? I can’t get it.
• I found $10 in my jeans AND made a 100 on my Excel assignment. Today has been more like the rainy days I love. #iloverain #happyday
• Just learnt how to make bad-ass graphs in excel and I am feeling gooooooood!!! #ilovespreadsheets
• What good is an analyst that doesn’t know how to operate pivot tables in Excel???
• Just made the dopest thing ever in excel. The boss loves it.
• Only person in my class that knows how to work Excel therefore I challenge myself to playing Spider Solitaire whilst doing assignment.
• Why is the Excel LOOKUP function so f’ing difficult to use? I’ve seen assembly code that’s more user friendly.
• So today I have spent 3 and a half hours alternating between swearing at flow charts and swearing at excel – glamorous life this eh?!
• How many designers does it take to print an Excel spreadsheet correctly? Three and counting…
• I can’t even count how many concerts I’ve been to.. oh wait, yes I can. I have an excel spreadsheet.

________________________

Are you a scientist yet? Maybe if you create a few more Excel charts you’ll qualify for the job. If not, you could be an Excel rapper.

• Guy I tutored in data validation in Excel just came to me for help. Cool thing is he almost remembered how to do it himself. #goodfeeling
• If I was a rapper I would be Master Excel – like Master P but able to calculate the reasons why I am single & display them in a pivot chart.
• Making a spreadsheet for recipes with various sheets for various courses of meals… Organized or huge loser…?
• I successfully used formulas on Excel to check my work! #soexcited
• I’m supposed to be writing, but so far today I spent two hours learning how to code Excel VBA macros and watching part of the Panthers game.
• If I could add option 2 @Microsoft Excel, it would be 2 have tabs at top of spreadsheet below ribbon, too–not just at bottom. Just sayin’
• Second most satisfying thing after being able to solve a math problem is figuring something out in excel
• I am analyzing sales using a PIVOT TABLE. I am so legit.
• Spent all day in Excel debugging someone else’s test tool. My code was right all along. Fun times.
• Oy…Hotel sent my confirmation as an Excel spreadsheet. .xlsx to add insult to injury. 🙁
• Maybe EXCEL is the stupid one. DO YOU HEAR ME, EXCEL? It is taking me 20 minutes to figure out how to make a graph that I drew in under 3.
• What I love about microsoft: Microsoft excel. What I hate about microsoft: Microsoft excel.
• I just analyzed data from a lab and made fancy graphs on excel and solved equations and did a write up does that mean I’m a scientist yet?
• I wish I’d listened more in all those Excel spreadsheet tutorials I never bothered going to. Oh.
• Remind me to never use Excel to make a graph ever again #awful
• I am developing an expertise in getting MS Excel to crash. I need to develop parallel skill in workbook recovery…

____________________________

Don’t judge me on my Excel colour choices! That might erase another precious childhood memory, or force me to write a song about spreadsheets.

• "If you understand this, your life will be very easy….. in Excel at least." Hilarity at Sunday work training.
• Going to make the daddy of all sandwiches & then plan my life out with the help of an excel spreadsheet…
• The guy performing at work is singing a song he wrote about Microsoft excel omg
• I’m confident I could reach the Final Four of Excel chart making. It’s my speed that would get me there.
• I had to use Microsoft Excel at work today so now I know another thing I’m terrible at.
• Microsoft Excel’s pivot tables are the Soul music to my James Brown #Ifeelgood #IknewthatIwould #sogood #sogood #cozIgotcellsandformulas
• Work w/ Excel long enough and everything, even ppl, start looking like functions that need to go in their proper cells.
• I’m pretty sure we can divvy this up fairly. You can keep all the Excel charts, and I’ll keep all the Google ones
• For a more accurate account of what I do at work my job title should be changed to ‘Excel support’
• I really regret skipping out on the excel spreadsheet class. #serious
• irrationally scared that for every moment i work with excel, a joyous childhood memory vanishes from my consciousness
• Excel spreadsheets are way too much fun. I live to make bubble charts. #sarcastictweet #oramIbeingserious? You will never kn0o0ow
• Somehow my boss is making me work excel when I haven’t done it since freshman year of high school. #whatamidoing #uh
• My Excel skills are… off the charts.
• Simple. Just put all of them into an excel spreadsheet, make the cells giant, and throw a dart at the screen.
• Scatterplots are the easiest types graphs in excel you can create, yet they are the only graph I can’t seem to get right.
• Colorblind Excel guy just went off on an epic rant about how his boss ‘fixes’ his charts. Hilarious.
• Why yes, I do judge you based on the way you color code your Excel grid.

________________

If you increase your Excel charting skills, you’ll be ready to work on a file that has millions of formulae. And you might even qualify for a sandwich!

• Today I ate an crustless egg sandwich and figured out how to copy charts from Excel to PowerPoint using VBA. Living the dream.
• Oh no wait… can’t sleep, forgot about the spreadsheet -_______-
• Been given a new project in work, I used to like microsoft excel, after a day I now hate it. #sigh
• Yup looking like an all nighter up in here. Making ramen and cursing at microsoft excel, sorting thru jibberish. #collegeproblems #FML
• Every single time I open a excel spreadsheet to update business plan, I lose 2 hours of my life. How do accountants do it!?
• After getting lectured on how all Finance majors should know how to work Excel…I can’t figure out how to work this part of Excel.
• Just had to prove my Excel work was correct by printing a PDF and zooming in 600% to show that a 5 wasn’t a 6. #math
• Started typing a tweet, not realizing I was typing it into an excel sheet I was doing for work. :/ That would have been embarrassing!
• I am making a list. On an Excel spreadsheet! What the hell is happening to me?
• Just spent the whole morning working out how to put individual error bars on a graph in excel – hardest thing I’ve had to do in my PhD!!
• do you ever have that problem where you build crazy models in Excel and then completely forget how they work? … that
• Just created an excel file for work which has just under 2.25 MILLION formulae in it. File size was over 200MB. Might be an issue to email.
• Today, I increased my skills with Excel’s graphs. That was painful…
• just spent 2 hours making an excel spreadsheet to keep track of hours/tips/pay avgs at my job.. for fun.. its even color coded. what. am. i.
• Just discovered that Excel acts very strangely when sorting derived tables. Now have to check all other work based on same set… Fun.
• Let’s all take a moment and revel in the fact that I just made a totally sick Excel spreadsheet… **

______________________________

After you waste two hours struggling with a chart or pivot table, call your nephew, the finance guy, to see if he can help. It’s better than throwing your computer out the window.

• I love when my boyfriend decreases my work stress by writing Excel formulas for me! #DatingANerdIsHandy
• What my night consists of: Excel, stupid formulas, wrong data, and crappy charts. **** #homework #excel #chart
• Getting annoyed with this prof because she isn’t using a quicker excel function for this problem. I am a nerd
• I’d like to say thanks to Mrs. Rhodes, and enabling me to be a boss at using Excel. Even if it is just for football playbooks.
• That moment when you make changes to data, refresh the pivot table and all the numbers come out the way you want. Yeah that! #geektweet
• After a full minute of confusion, finally realized Excel hides the "Import" menu item when you have an chart (rather than a cell) selected.
• The finance guy is unsuccessfully trying to explain a Excel spreadsheet to a tech-challenged Uncle on the phone. I wonder who will first 1/2
• Today I taught my boss how to use sort in Excel. He acted like I invented the wheel. Next week, he’ll forget how. #jobsecurity
• Just wasted 2 hours of my life unsuccessfully trying to insert a bar graph into a lab report. I’m officially never using Excel again. #fml
• My boss is really making me stay here til she figures out how to work this excel spreadsheet
• In case you were wondering, there are 1,048,576 rows in an excel spreadsheet. I found this out accidentally.
• "Wow! Everybody comes to you with excel questions huh? What are you the excel evangelist?" -my boss to my coworker ****
• i think the only thing this professor lives for is making charts on excel….
• Two hr battle w/ pivot tables lost. What a waste of time. I could’ve answered hw question in 5 min with a regular Excel sheet. #angrytweet
• Have a very convoluted Excel worksheet going equating liters of mixers needed per guest vs. cases of coke. #costco
• Constantly asked by coworkers if i can make a web form that looks like an Excel spreadsheet… Maybe you should just use Excel, guys.
• The sound of an Excel spreadsheet being hurled through a plate glass window is surprisingly beautiful.

_____________________

Do not try to create crazy Excel charts at home, or you might end up with nightmares. Stick to a simple scatter chart, or just scatter some paper on your desk.

• First working day after leaving my job, ex boss phones to ask how to use Excel #genius
• They should design Excel so that you can choose if you want a tab to be a worksheet or a Word-type document. That way u can have 1 file!
• Tip of the day: if you scatter papers all over your desk and open a random excel spreadsheet, you will appear busy. You’re welcome.
• I now know what to do when you accidentally hide every cell in an Excel worksheet. My, erm, friend did it and I helped him.
• My Excel spreadsheet has no column A. How is this possible? Did I break it?
• When you were a kid ghosts & vampires haunted you now it’s excel sheets & graphs #nightmare
• Nothing like opening an Excel spreadsheet, just to double check, and finding it completely empty.
• My boss thought I was amazing because I changed the colors and fonts of things in Microsoft excel… #illtakeit
• An excel class? As in formulas and pivot tables? Bring alcohol.
• As with haute couture, these fancy chart designs are fun to look at, but should probably never actually be used #Excel https://t.co/tnyyh6tA
• If I could work with Excel documents all day long I’d be one giddy girl #geek
• Best of Prince makes dealing with Excel charts more bearable. Though does involve embarrassingly enthusiastic foot tapping.
• It pays to have a 5th grader. She just showed me whiz-bang chart formatting in Excel that I never knew. So I guess she is smarter than I am.
• Ways 2 Look Busy at Work: #7 Open Excel & start making a nonsensical spreadsheet or 1 of your fav bars ranked by drink price and ambiance.
• it’s almost funny how a computer program can make you feel so stupid and helpless. #excel
• Excel was doing pivot tables before pivoting was even cool.
• OK people! I won’t try to save lives if you won’t try to "fix" an excel spreadsheet. M’kay? K. Thx bye.
• I’m flying to Dallas tomorrow for an advanced Excel workshop taught by two Microsoft MVPs. My boss calls it Jedi Master training.
• Interesting, when you group and collapse cells which are the source of chart, chart contents disappear. #Epiphany #Eureka #Wow #Excel
• Today is turning into one of those ‘crash Excel every five minutes’ type of days. #fml

__________________________

If the numbers guy doesn’t know how to make a pivot table, that’s bad news. How will you make it look like you’ve hit your target?

• Never understood the appeal of setting Excel calculation to Manual. Oh, hello 40×500000 cell worksheet almost wholly made of vlookups…
• If anyone needs me, I’ll be over here, staring intently at this pivot table and sobbing quietly. It’s a life of surprises.
• All I want to do is formulate a simple pie chart showing my love for different kinds of cake; what is wrong with you Microsoft Excel?!!
• The boss just yelled at someone for not being good enough at Excel to be able to make these results look like we’d actually hit our target.
• I love having my time wasted while Excel thinks and thinks….. and thinks…… and thinks…… #fail
• It’s time to admit a problem when I’ve created a color-coded excel spreadsheet for our TV shows #FallTVschedule
• I figured out how to make a graph on Excel, and now I feel really accomplished.
• Are you kidding me? Company hired a new guy and he doesn’t even know the basic functionality of an excel spreadsheet.
• A list of 5 things does not need to be an excel spreadsheet! STOP THE MADNESS!
• My boss added an extra pivot table to my weekly utilization reports and now I feel like I’ve been inappropriately caressed.
• No one showed up for work today. Also, I broke Excel.
• Every time I look at an excel spreadsheet a fairy dies.
• Tweet planning is so much easier in #excel, why didn’t I do this sooner? I love you character count function! #socialmedia #tip
• I don’t wanna sound like a badass or anything, but I made it to the bottom of an excel spreadsheet once during class
• hey there I love excel spreadsheets, and thats not a metaphor for anything
• I hate group projects. Example: "I’m a numbers guy, I know stats." – Doesn’t know how to make a pivot table.
• I need to go back to 7th grade and learn how to work with excel -__-
• Stupid Excel is trying to remove my habit of typing both parenthesis and then typing inside. WELL BAD NEWS, PAL.

___________________

If you make your mom a burrito, she might wake up and help you with those Excel charts.

• Mom, wake up please, and teach me how to make a graph on Excel, thanks.
• Microsoft Excel will be the end of me. I am a human being, I have fingers, and there is a pencil. I can plot a graph by myself.
• my dad messed up the excel chart I asked him to make for me
• Received a message from a chap on an online dating site saying he’d like to ‘chart with me’. Excel is clearly trying to take over my life.
• I can do anything in Excel. As long as it doesn’t require a pivot table.
• Watching YouTube videos on excel pivot tables #thelowpoint
• This afternoon I’m showing people how to create #pareto charts in #excel. That’s pareto not burrito!
• If I was a Pokemon my weakness would be Excel charts.
• yep it’s official i have never hated a spreadsheet as much as i hate this one. excel i curse your autosave, it did not work.
• You know you work in a cubicle when you get pumped about setting up accounting functions on Excel correctly. #fml
• Finally finished my personnel expenses worksheet on Excel.!! Those were the most difficult formulas ever…5 more spreadsheets to go

______________

An octopus graph sounds awesome. That might be worth spending $40,000 to learn – if you have a computer.

• More than 50% of my MGMT301 class don’t know how to make a bar graph on Excel. #blesstheirsouls #poorchildren
• My boss just told me that I’m weird because I like excel so much. Chalking that one up as a compliment!
• Wasting an hour of my time because some luddite can’t grasp the basics of a pivot table. Not happy.
• Dear Microsoft Excel, I know you’re tired too but we need to get this report done, please start responding. Love Ms. Overtime.
• Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like without excel. More time spent drawing pie charts with pencils I guess
• Really pivot tables in Excel might be the best thing Microsoft ever did, ever.
• Dear Microsoft – the PowerPivot service application is way too fragile. Get some thought behind this please. Love, me.
• This man is teaching us Excel .. let me tell you the problem . None of us have computers but him -_____-
• Its been an above average day for the "Hughes Daily Hair-loss" chart I’ve made in Excel. Another stressful day ahead for tomorrow.
• I’m glad we are paying $40,000 a year for a class to teach me how to make a pie chart on excel…. #learnedthisin7thgrade #wasteoftime
• Hi I’m Lindsay and I know how to vectorize octopus graphics on Adobe Illustrator CS6 but can’t make a pie chart in Excel to save my life
• After spending 9am-3pm (literally) squinting at an excel chart, I just found out I have to start COMPLETELY over. I. Hate. Everything.
• Today’s Excitement brought to me by….Creating a colorful excel chart…#InnerGeekExposed
• Stop color coding data in excel, you can’t filter/sort, what do the colors mean & it looks like a skittles spreadsheet #life of an analyst
• Love people watching commuters on the train, usuallly sweating over some excel spreadsheet #workingworld
• Doing the "excel macro so large and time consuming" dance. Be back in 4 hours. #work
• our professor just went over how to open an excel worksheet. this is going to take forever!!!
• Didn’t realize I was taking an Excel class. #fml

______________________________

When you figure out what a Gantt chart is, maybe you could explain it to the teacher.

• Today I worked out a tricky Excel problem and felt pleased about it. It’s moments like this when I wonder where my life went so wrong.
• Did I just spend 2 hours making one graph on Excel? Yup.
• after today, if I ever see an excel spreadsheet or a chart or a graph again, it will be too soon…..nearly 600 in 2 weeks! #nvivotraining
• Trying to work in Excel on the train… with a touchpad mouse… not good!
• I’ve got £42 to last me until November… And I want a Starbucks every day at college. Hi Microsoft Excel, work it out.
• Dang it I let myself get off on an excel tangent at work. It was fun but totally not what I needed to be doing right now.
• Doing Microsoft Excel like a boss today. Stand back.
• It is impossible to do this assignment. I don’t even know what a Gnatt chart is, let alone how to make my own using Excel.
• Figuring out how to make a pie chart on Excel is harder then the actual assignment. #theregoesanhourofmylife
• The majority of the people in my spreadsheet excel class have no idea how to use excel. Including the teacher
• I once had an assistant who went through an excel spreadsheet and deleted out all of the formulas and just typed in new #s.
• Do normal couples hover over a spreadsheet and argue MS Excel best practices? #marriage
• Sitting next to a group of girls making an excel spreadsheet of their potential boyfriends. Are we in fifth grade?
• You have to try flash fill and the real time data analysis tool, even easy pivot table creation. There goes lots of peoples jobs.
• Thank you, calculators and excel spreadsheets, for making me so stupid I can’t even add $300 and $650 together on my own anymore.
• PowerPivot has given me a headache a mile wide today

_______________________

Maybe it’s not the Excel formulas that are giving you a headache. It’s probably those 3-D graphs and the fancy pants formatting.

• I hate the fact that the spreadsheet I need to make a beer recipe is on my other computer.
• just crashed excel by asking it to plot a graph. that is how well today is going so far.
• I see your Visio-flow-charts-arg and raise you a 3D-graph-in-Excel-2003-with-x-y-and-z-axes-arg.
• Excel + Formulas = one stinking headache!! I love working in IT but jeez, let me wake up for a hot minute ** #governmentwork
• I need to make more of a concerted effort to slack off at work. More Twitter, less Excel.
• Lied on resume saying I can use Excel. Year and a half later, karma is here to kick my ass. HOW THE HELL DO I MAKE A CHART IN EXCEL?! #fml
• Clearly, my work computer didn’t want to come back from vacation, either. LOAD, Excel!
• I’m at work on YouTube with the focus face on like I’m looking at Microsoft excel spreadsheets
• Would some tech-savvy person like to come over & make graphs for me on Excel? It’s taken me an hour & I haven’t even finished one.
• I grew up with my mother helping me on book reports and papers, now i create and formulate all of her work excel spreadsheets #debtrepayed
• PIVOT TABLES! (in Excel) just made my job so much easier. My triumph of the day. STOKED. #officelife #simplethings
• It’s not a real party until an excel spreadsheet is involved, okay?
• hopefully this fancy pants formatting and colour coding on my new excel spreadsheet will motivate me to get good grades this term
• I’m making an Excel expenditure spreadsheet for Uni life. Sad…Yet necessary #sadlyenjoyabletoo #needagf
• Just heard the boss mutter under his breath while checking my calc, "it’s too much logic" lots of if statements in my excel workbook

____________________

Never be an accountant, even if they try to lure you in with jumpy radio head tracks and a grocery list.

• #TermsIHate: "The system seems very slow". What system? You work on Excel and Word. Is it the internet, the LAN, what?!
• excel has to be the new porn… else I can’t explain why I’m awake working on a spreadsheet at this hour
• I think I just showed Microsoft Excel and Google Fusion Tables who is the boss of them. Midnight work brings the most results.
• Oh pivot tables, where have you been all my life? I might not have hated excel as much, if I had known about you sooner! #seeinggridlines
• I’ve literally been sitting at my desk for an hour, trying to figure out how to make a dang line graph on excel! I’m about ready to scream!**
• Yeah… I really need to learn how to work Excel. This is becoming a problem.
• Not interesting trying to create a pricing model using excel. And there are guys who work on these all their lives…oi!
• Four days of 8-hour-straight Excel work starting tomorrow. Yay work experience. Never be an accountant, ever. </3
• No combo more likely to bring on a panic attack: loosing an excel spreadsheet you’ve worked on for 2 days & a jumpy radio head track in ear.
• And on that note. Off to run before doing battle with a rather intimidating Excel spreadsheet. Such is my day. See you all later.
• is it sad that I’m proud of my Excel worksheet I just created for my financial modeling class? Cause I am #financemajor #nerd
• Setting the background on some cells in an excel spreadsheet to a fetching shade of pink!
• don’t play around with excel spreadsheet. YOU WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE.
• #thatawkwardmomentwhen you find yourself using an Excel spreadsheet to make your grocery list…
• Have created at least 20 different graphs today. My eyes are turning into Excel squares. Let it be over. Please! #dissertation
• The only way I can visually express myself is by using excel charts. #HowEmbarrassing.
• Haven’t created a pivot table in forever. Feel like an old man getting on a bike for the first time in 20 years. A little rusty. #excel

___________________________

If the Internet stops working, and cuts off your music supply, just make up your own songs, to sing while you’re using Excel.

• Thanks to Youtube, I now know how to use Excel for my needs. Damn I love Youtube! What a life saver!
• I love my job, but it makes me hate Microsoft Excel.
• Made my first excel graph since like 6th grade. W the help of 4 other people….
• Going to make my fortune by designing a computer game that looks like an Excel spreadsheet from 10 paces away
• You never paid attention to detail until you check all the formulas on an excel spreadsheet.
• Making up songs about how I am the spreadsheet queen. Time to close Excel….
• being able to make a simple pie chart on excel requires some form of wizardry
• Is there anything, ANYTHING more boring than an Excel Spreadsheet? #itsallablur
• And here I am, revising an Excel spreadsheet that NOBODY HAS OPENED SINCE 2008, because you DESPERATELY need these charts. HA.
• So you won the Vogue Battle this past weekend but can you input formulas into a Excel spreadsheet and run a cost analysis?
• Why excel? Why must you fight me every step of the way…?! I am just trying to make a nice graph for my assignment!! #needmorecoffee
• While doing a project at work, I got frustrated with excel and exclaimed, "Good grief!" Am I turning into an 80-year-old woman!? #fearful
• The internet at work is failing me. How am I supposed to use Excel with any music? #notproductive
• Excel 2011: Click spreadsheet A, spinning wheel, work. Click spreadsheet B, spinning wheel, work. Repeat. Crap software #frustration
• Nailed it! Take that Excel database merge. I’m your boss! …7 hours later. #notreallywinning

_________________________

If you’re tired of churning out Excel charts, go on a relaxing vacation, but try to avoid the kebab queues – someone might try to feed you a 3-D chart!

• For some reason, now I’m the IT chick at work. I have no idea how to fix computers, but I can format your Excel spreadsheet.
• We had a fire alarm go off at work. I caused it. I was trying to work out an excel formula and my brain exploded. Sorry.
• There’s a special circle in hell reserved for people who change your formatting on a shared Excel spreadsheet. #sinful
• It’s oh-so-slightly worrisome when the professor teaching the spreadsheet class is fumbling around as though he isn’t familiar with Excel…
• Taking the time to format my Excel spreadsheet with pretty colors because my professor could use some spice in his life.
• Never select entire rows or columns when copying and pasting in Excel. Especially on a computer form the 90’s. #fml
• Just created the BEST pivot table, now to find someone who’ll appreciate it… #geek
• Husband is churning out Excel charts comparing lifetime net earnings of hypothetical sibling pairs with and without BS degrees.
• Changed my computer’s background to an excel spreadsheet. Now it always looks like I’m working, even though I have nothing open #OfficeLife
• Bored at work so it’s time to put on the Dark Knight Rises soundtrack and act like a bomb is hooked up to this excel spreadsheet.
• Doesn’t everyone make a multi-worksheet Excel spreadsheet for their vacations?
• If u claim to be bored of the world or the work u do or wtevr, try working on an excel sheet! #IbetchYa
• These ppl that "work" on empty Excel spreadsheets on the Gautrain.What exactly are u doing in the 15mins from Sandton to Midrand? :-/
• trying to show a force-directed 3D graph to a bunch of excel junkies is like trying to feed fillet mignon to a drunk in a kebab queue.
• only one in my lab that can make graph in excel. guess who just became popular?
• Before if you assume I’m an idiot and ask me if I didn’t do something right: Nope, I definitely did. It’s literally a problem with Excel.

___________________________

If it’s your birthday, should you be allowed to use Calibri font, coloured cells and default Excel charts in your reports?

• I love "code" that uses syntax and operators correctly. Excel macros are in some made up Microsoft language. I hate it!
• You know you’re ready to start work when you spent the day creating Excel spreadsheets because there really wasn’t anything else to do…
• Now boss requesting me to teach him excel functions, vlookup and how to use our coy system. Procrastinated much?
• I have three degrees, yet no earthly idea how to create an Excel spreadsheet.
• Workmates… why do you send me charts done with #Word instead of #Excel? #SomebodySaveMe
• If your report is in Calibri and you use the default graph styles from Excel I will be much, much more skeptical of your work.
• It’s my boss’s birthday today, does that mean I need to spend less time on twitter and more time on excel? #dilemma #work
• Worst part of my job part 2: looking for that single error in a huge excel spreadsheet
• I will buy someone dinner if they come over and teach me how to make graphs on excel. seriously, can’t do it. #pleasehelp!
• Just did my excel spreadsheet and calendar for my bills for the next month. Yea. I’m THAT girl…
• Powerpoint and Excel are my stable friends every day of my life. I love them :’) #ForeverAlone
• Building a spreadsheet for work. I just realized I’ve been using MS Excel for 20 years and it still sucks. And Numbers sucks worse.
• Doing the excel work for orders takes a really long time, i wish i could knit at the same time!
• Created an excel with the estimated dates and my boss found it inappropriate and he modified it by making it colorful.#Boss
• I think the minute I decided to put my movies into an excel worksheet was the moment I realized I lead a pathetic life.
• OH: "oh I’m so proud of you– what a good little pivot table!"

______________________

If you’re too tired to filter by colour, you might as well quit for the day, before your boss starts to judge you.

• This Excel program is actually pretty cool… and smart. It just did all my work for me.
• Work: the soul sucking place that makes you wake up early and do stuff with excel
• 3 hrs of excel work down the drain after realising the person who extracted the raw data didn’t select the whole table when sorting it. F.
• I hate when Excel doesn’t want to work as fast as I do…. #DataOverload
• How do you obtain a masters degree but not know how to search an excel spreadsheet? #iworkwithidiots #nopatience
• I feel like half of my time at work is spent waiting for Excel to do what I ask it to do.
• Putting 2102 instead of 2012 for the year in an excel sheet really screws up your graph.
• My boss was totally judging me for not knowing how to use excel
• I love how Excel can compare two numbers and judge them to be unequal to each other but when it subtracts one from the other it gets zero…
• a lady at work, who works on our multi-million dollar computer system, doesn’t know how to add a column to excel and begged me to help. wtf.
• My mom is 50 years old and still doesn’t know how to make a simple excel spreadsheet..
• I like to plan my vacation outfits via excel. Are pivot tables a little excessive?
• So tired I cnt even filter by colour on my excel spreadsheet! O_o
• In response to using excel in my private practice accounting: "sometimes you have to use a spreadsheet. A napkin wont cut it."
• Excel pivot tables are the stuff of nightmares. Anything is less painful than that. Well except for getting SAP to work. Stupid dud login.
• I love using Excel, but I hate following instructions on exactly how a professor wants you to use Excel.
• Not that I am streaming Netflix to drown out my coworkers while I stare at excel graphs for hours.
• Is there a program for your computer that makes bar graphs or do I have to improvise with Excel or something?
• Each time I open Excel I start to sneeze. Allergic to charts, pivots, and autosum.

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Would a dewonker help, if your boss types the wrong data in your spreadsheet, or asks you to build a 100% stacked pyramid chart?

• Discovered the equivalence of "hard labor" for computer work: Modifying Excel reports and formatting their borders and colors.
• One day Excel will be able to work out what kind of chart will display your random selection of numbers and variables. But not today.
• I’ve had a coupe of days of spreadsheet work and now my eyes are all wonky. I need an eye dewonkerer. have you got one handy ?
• I look like I’m working but really I’m creating an excel spreadsheet ranking my favorite bars in DC.
• That moment when your boss and co-worker blame you for an error in your spreadsheet, but you realize they incorrectly typed in data.
• I’m accustomed to tech questions from people, but today I had to talk someone through an Excel spreadsheet and how to wrap text.
• Note to stupid twitter bots. People who need Excel training rarely use the hash tag #excel in their posts. #bots
• My new coworker just told me I’ll have to show him how to merge cells in Excel…I’m about to go postal! #FML
• The only thing Microsoft Excel is useful for is summing the number of times it completely screws up your day’s work.#ComputerProblems
• Just unwillingly entered "Wow wo wo wo wo wowwowwwwwwww" into a cell on an excel spreadsheet for work
• I work for the female Michael Scott. Why do I get a panic call because she can’t figure out how to scroll on an excel spreadsheet?
• #speechless my boss called my recovery plan credible, weeks ago the plan "lacked credibility", now its just formatted differently in excel!
• Had kind of forgotten how awesome pivot tables are. #Excel really is a Good Thing. (-10 to street cred).
• If you send me an Excel spreadsheet, we can’t be friends.
• Earlier, I wrote some code so terrible that if it ever becomes self-aware, it’s first act will be to hide under a blanket. #vba #excel
• Why does excel make it like rocket science to make a freaking scattered plot graph??? #frustrated
• Love those amazing moments when I accidentally do something in excel and discover a shortcut I never knew existed. #itsthelittlethings
• Just learned #Excel has a "100% stacked pyramid" chart type. Repeat after me: just because you can, doesn’t mean you should #datacrimes

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Excel has perhaps driven you to drink on occasion, but has it ever made you see everything in Greek?

• Excel is refusing to work in some very creative and (almost) humorous ways. I’m getting punk’d by Microsoft.
• The look of awe on someones face when u teach them to do a pivot table is #priceless
• Grrrr when people overwrite sum calculations on an Excel master spreadsheet that took me ages to do FFS!! #OfficeWhinge
• for once when my boss walked by I had an excel sheet up, however I was doing my personal budget.
• All right, today I take back *most* of the mean things I ever said about #Excel. I think we’ve finally come to an understanding.
• WTF: my excel spreadsheet spontaneously translating itself into Greek. Literally. If it weren’t quite so entirely unuseful I’d feel clever
• Excel I frigging HATE YOU. Wasted a whole afternoon on you stupid excel. You do NOT, in my opinion, Excel at all!!! #gottaworklatenow
• Oh MS Excel-it’s definitely you, not me! With your cryptic passive-aggressive error messages for every formula-you don’t want this to work!!
• Best feeling when you discover a new excel function – it’s like cracking a secret code
• Know this might not impress many people but I just removed 4,000 hyperlinks from an Excel spreadsheet in 10 seconds. Used to take me 15 mins
• The "Make Time.Make Tetley" campaign for 4oD – brilliant. We’re thinking of creating one for every time an Excel spreadsheet is opened
• I may or may not be on my 7th #fantasyfootball mock draft. But it’s not like I’m obsessed. Now lemme check my color-coded Excel spreadsheet.
• what time we drinking? i’m right-click deep in an epic pivot table.
• Sometimes it is sad to think that my hours of thinking and amazing ideas eventually get boiled down to an excel spreadsheet.
• The term "system" should never be used to describe a bodged up user created macro ridden excel spreadsheet #geekrant
• Ooh. I haven’t played with pivot tables in way too long. Either Excel got smarter or I forgot how much they can do!
• I think most people would be lost in the first few minutes. Working Excel is like cracking the da vinci code.
• Train to Sheffield. Man sitting next to me working on complex xls chart. Keeps muttering & swearing. Excel tourettes?

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I’m sorry, but we can’t work together in Excel. You like 100% stacked pyramid charts, and Nickelback.

• I’ve become the type of person who says things like "why is this not a pivot table? ugh!" #excel
• I’m watching a guy work with data and charts on the train. The way he moves around excel is just incredible. Majestic even. #dataenvy
• You know that feeling when you get a formula in Excel to work exactly as you want it to? Pretty good that.
• so guess what my new job is…databases, excel: pivot tables and macros. I was like a kid in a candy store…it’s sad really.
• If you’re great at making charts on Excel…you should come help me! #clueless
• Trying to make a fantasy football spreadsheet when I realize I can’t math.
• If I have to look at one more Excel Spreadsheet I think I will lose my mind. And punch a computer.
• First Sum 41, now Nickelback. Next month Avril will be engaged to an Excel spreadsheet.
• Just gotta love when you lose several hours of work in MS Excel due to "corruption". It happens more often then it should using query tables
• If you do not know how to make spreadsheets on excel then I’m sorry but we can’t work together.
• Will not let an excel spreadsheet almost reduce me to tears ever again #determined #iwilldefeatyoumaths
• I hate excel formulas, especially ones that use to work until I amended them.
• "100% Stacked Pyramid" is the most badass of the Excel chart options.
• At my sisters teaching her how to do an #excel spreadsheet… as in #formulas. She isnt taking to it as quickly as i’d like.
• I’m so pleased with myself, I just added a calculated field to a pivot table! #geekjoy
• Tried to open one spreadsheet, #Excel decided to open everything from the past 3 weeks. Arghh..
• Why did I ever think creating this table in Excel and linking it across to Word was a good idea? Oh yeah, the assignment told me to. #stupid

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A jug of wine, some Mozart, and air conditioning – the perfect ending for an exhausting day with Excel.

• I was just called over to someone’s office to help them delete a worksheet from excel. This job makes me look good.
• Excel returned a "Catastrophic failure" error today. Guess Microsoft feels that having me code VBA is considered catastrophic.
• Tomorrow I’ll be mostly making graphs on excel. Almost looking froward to it because at least the PC lab has air-con unlike the science lab.
• Dear user – No, your machine can’t handle deleting 719,205,124 spreadsheet cells from a shared workbook at the same time. #Excel #WTF
• because after a terrible night the best cure is clearly to get up at silly o’clock and go to work for a 6 hour excel training session!
• Filling out a 22 tab Excel spreadsheet all day + 45 minutes of cardio = 360 degrees of exhaustion. #boo
• Wish I knew enough about computers to write a code that’d make Excel sentient so it could see how much everyone hates it & feel real bad.
• Think my dreams tonight will be a bit like Tron. Except it’ll be an Excel spreadsheet instead of a computer game & I won’t get a cool bike.
• I asked what were doing on vacation and get a detailed excel spreadsheet, only thing missing is military time #husbands
• So I wrote some code that doesn’t make sense. Deal with it #Excel! Don’t just die!
• I swear I lose about a month of my lifespan anytime excel freezes at work.
• ***shimmies back over to jug of wine, turns up Mozart, and stares at excel spreadsheet***
• I think my job security is centered around the fact that I’m the only person here who can properly format an Excel spreadsheet…

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If you add charts to your wedding planning spreadsheet, does your heart beat faster, making it even more romantic?

• I can hack a Swiss bank account, monitor activity on the Moon, and track a cheetah. But insert a check mark in an Excel spreadsheet?
• I #heart my dad, at my moment of despair he sends a request for an excel graph and I don’t feel as useless anymore #lovelove
• today shall be spent diddling around with graphs in excel followed by a nap…just don’t tell my boss #ourlittlesecret
• This dude just moved me to the side because he thought he knew more than me on an excel spreadsheet. Ummmm…I’m the manager here.
• Changing people’s lives one pivot table at a time. Not sure who was more excited – me or them. Either way a decent Monday.
• I think I broke Excel. Apparently adding subtotals to 1800 lines was more than it could take. RIP all my hard work. Time to start again :'(
• Wedding planning has now been placed onto an Excel Spreadsheet. How romantic!
• to the frustration of my weary mind, im at work with a sniffer dog looking for an excel spreadsheet! #gaflumped
• Work tomorrow. Even Medieval monks would be horrified by the tedium of data entry in the modern world #excel #fml
• Doing graphs on excel…I feel my heart beat faster and my blood pressure shooting up. Good times. #ihateliferightnow
• My dad wants me to make him an excel spreadsheet to manage his gold intake on his Facebook pirate game. Please, someone save me.
• A week off from work, my boss has been saving all the stupid stuff just for me. EG he has produced an excel spreadsheet with no calculations
• For the record it still takes me 12 years to figure out how to set up an Excel chart correctly because the devil himself created The Ribbon.
• First Excel spreadsheet I’ve successfully created without a strong urge to smash the computer somewhere along the way. LOL
• have shown my boss the autosum function on excel, his response – that will save me some time. I’m going for an early lunch
• Just made £50 from putting numbers on an excel sheet and my boss bought me lunch as well, it’s been a good day loool
• All work has stopped and my excel spreadsheet is soley being used to calculate the run rate after each over! #bbccricket
• Argh, According to Google no one in the whole world has ever had the excel problem I am having. Great.

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