Author: Debra Dalgleish

Excel Twitter 20140307

imageIf you take too many naps while using Excel, you’ll never level up. Stay awake, and don’t leave those charts in the default colours!

  • I have no motivation to do this excel work today. Maybe tomorrow
  • I’ve been running on a treadmill of bugs coming from a code base written before my time.. in… Excel VBA… This is exhausting #programming
  • Why don’t parents just force their kids to work on excel spreadsheets when they want them to fall asleep? Works for me every time…
  • the way my boss explains items on an excel sheet is like she is teaching a computer class at the local senior citizens center. #workfail
  • Hell: Where sinners are made to forcibly work with bug ridden packages like excel all day/nite long
  • Only one hour of work they said. I’ve been busy for three hours. Excel hates me.
  • That #grownup feeling you get when your Excel spreadsheet formatting works #likeaboss. Dang I need to do something young and stupid quick
  • I’m so proud of the complicated excel graph I just made I may just Instagram it
  • I just leveled up in Excel – learning how to create control charts moved me from Excelorator to Excellent!
  • My boss is trying to create a formula on excel and he just got annoyed and said: “How is £4 minus 10%… The 3rd of January?”
  • Questioning physics and life as I stare at excel trying to figure out how to make my graph work #nothappening
  • One of my favorite things about work is old people debating on whether or not they did the right thing in Excel.
  • As much as we bag on excel, I think a lot of corporate America could save a lot of money if they just learned how to use a pivot table.
  • You’ve got to be kidding me. Charts in Excel 2013 do not maintain full integrity in Excel 2010. Let hours of pointless doublework commence.
  • Biggest disappointment of the day: Finding out that the cool tricks I learned in Excel wont work at work because it’s MS Office 2003.
  • Remember when I thought a pivot table was a piece of upholstery?
  • Boss sent an excel doc. He’s now sending me names individually to input and then send it back. How’s this ANY easier than doing it himself?
  • Hush, you. Keep this up and you’ll remove the best indicator of poor data analysis: a bar graph in Excel’s default colors.

Best indicator of poor data analysis: a bar graph in Excel’s default colors exceltheatre.com/blog

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Excel Twitter 20140228

imageYou’d better brush up on Excel, so you’ll look like a genius. Otherwise, your family could be torn apart, and the dog’s weight could skyrocket. Oh, and you might end up as a stripper.

  • A pivot table saves the day once again. And I get to look like a genius.
  • Sad when the highlight of your night is when you learn how to switch between tabs in an Excel workbook…
  • now my boss and his bro the IT guy are fighting about how to use microsoft excel. i hope you are happy microsoft. TEARING A FAMILY APART!!!
  • My colleague is using a calculator to work out sums and putting the answers into excel. Yes, this is the level of idiocy I work with :-/
  • Why am I learning how to make stupid applications on excel. How is this going to help me in life.
  • Can’t believe I just voluntarily played with Excel for 45 mins. And still didn’t manage to chart the dog’s weight. Grr. #senileoldbat
  • Sends boss huge excel file. Only looks at first tab. Asks me to send those cool charts I have on my computer. Why do I even bother?
  • So much Excel work so little time
  • My boss just told me to “brush up on Excel”. So tomorrow should be fun
  • I think I’ve crossed some kind of nerd threshold. I’m starting to get really excited when I open an awesome Excel pivot table.
  • I just changed some Visual Basic code in Excel and it didn’t crash! Y’all don’t know how excited that makes me!
  • Excel, it’s not going to work out between us. It’s not me, it’s you. YOU DIFFICULT PROGRAM.
  • On the contrary, a pleasant interlude from the nightmare of Excel pivot charts :0)
  • “In Excel, your worksheet is the sheet in which you work.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW
  • Internet went down at work. Had to use a book to search for an Excel function #oldschool
  • 4 years of Engineering and they don’t teach you the thing you need the most at work, MS EXCEL.
  • You might argue that maybe Excel should have mechanisms to avoid the tanking of 10+ hours work by a well meaning fool.
  • I’ll be forced to quit school and become a stripper because I don’t know how to work excel and I’m a failure.

A pivot table saves the day once again exceltheatre.com/blog/

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Excel Twitter 20140221

imageWere you supposed to delete all those cells? Will your co-worker delete all your Excel changes? Is a spreadsheet the answer to any problem?

  • Took an entire class on excel back in the day and now it’s like I’m trying to decipher the da vinci code
  • Ha just spent two hours on excel making charts to find I used the wrong numbers I HATE MATH AND TECHNOLOGY
  • I wonder if my co-worker will save over all of my work on the shared Excel spreadsheet again today.
  • The best way to hide something in plain sight is to create another workbook in Excel.
  • Helping wife with excel charts at dinner table, now that’s romance
  • Today’s work is brought to you by the excel function COUNTIFS and the number *crunch*
  • I don’t want to brag, but I make a mean pivot table.
  • If you would just listen to the professor you wouldn’t be asking such stupid questions. It’s not hard to graph in excel. Pay attention.
  • If anyone is curious how to turn a 400kb excel document into a 12,000kb workbook with a single macro, hit me up.
  • How does an ordinary human being work on excel on a laptop. What am I missing.
  • The majority of time I spend writing post-labs is dedicated to formatting charts in Excel. ????
  • Emily’s thoughts during work: I hope I was supposed to delete all those cells on excel… #didijustgetfired ?
  • hypothetically, if you had told someone you could do a pivot table but you couldn’t, how would you learn? In say, an hour?
  • Excel conditional formatting. For when you can’t be arsed to work out which number is larger by reading them
  • The image in my mind the first time I heard the term “pivot table” is far more exciting than struggling with the real thing.
  • 49-year-old me is too stupid to make the chart she wants in Excel. 28-year-old me looks on in disgust. I have become Management.
  • My boss’s answer to ANY problem is to somehow make an excel spreadsheet that miraclulously fixes it.
  • Hallpppp, I can’t figure out my Pivot Table this morning. I thought I was like the Lord of Excel until this morning. #pathetic #strugglebus

The answer to ANY problem is an Excel spreadsheet. www.exceltheatre.com/blog/

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Excel Twitter 20140214

I love Excel www.exceltheatre.com/blogHappy Valentine’s Day! I hope you’re spending time with the love of your life – Excel. Did you remember to buy a gift for your favourite function, and a a bouquet for that awesome pivot table?

  • Excel needs a turbo button for processor-intense functions. Doesn’t need to work…I’d just feel better if I could press a button.
  • Microsoft doesn’t get a lot of love, but I gotta say Excel is a marvelous piece of work.
  • I don’t mean to brag, but it only took me 25 minutes to build a simple line graph in Excel just now.
  • Been staring at this Excel code for over two hours. One line of it. Yup, this is usually how it works, huh?
  • Someone at work asked me what my favorite excel function is…. Sad part is I actually have one
  • Some people do crossword puzzles to relax… I write Excel VBA Code and build dynamic Excel Dashboards. LOL
  • There are very few things that make me angry enough to put my fist through a wall, but Excel hanging after 45 minutes of work does it.
  • I just lost ALL my work coz Excel randomly re-started .. All my winter projections, gone! I am on twitter instead of re-doing it:((
  • Yes excel, please crash at 530, taking my last 2 hours of work with you, and then please refuse to autorecover my work…
  • My saving grace is that I can listen to music at work! Imagine looking at thousands of rows of excel in dead silence. #itllmakeyougocrazy ??
  • Stop what you’re doing. I just made a graph in excel with minimal help!!!! Unbelievable scenes
  • Making charts on excel is harder than the rest of the formal lab put together
  • Beginning to think Microsoft Excel was created to test patience and weed out people not meant for the grind #fml #corporateamericasucks
  • dad: “yeah let’s do that! that’ll be fun!” mom: “what go sleigh riding?!” dad: “no, making a pivot table!!” #whereigetitfrom
  • Googling “I overprotected an excel workbook” because you can’t figure out how to undo it. #postgradproblems #dataproblems
  • My boss told me I had Excel face. It’s like bitchy resting face but happens after staring at a spreadsheet for over 5 hours.
  • Every time i try to get something at work done excel decides to “not respond” ??
  • my computer skills class should really be listed as “how to make heinously tacky excel charts 101”
  • I won’t feel safe until there’s at least one pivot table.

I won't feel safe until there's at least one pivot table www.exceltheatre.com/blog

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Excel Twitter 20140207

imageEven if you didn’t major in Excel, a pivot table can change your life forever. And Excel charts can make you dance.

  • You would think after years of looking up how to make a graph on Excel I would remember how one of these time. #Nope
  • I’m converting everything to Excel because I want to work smarter and not harder.
  • Last night I had cookies. Today I have a brand new excel sheet to work on. Today will be a good day.
  • Petition to swap Excel for Lego at work. “I made you a spreadsheet; it has 2,367 pieces”
  • once had 20min conv with th’ol’man re Excel, turned out he just had to widen column. Was asked same thing in work today… #scauseconfusion!
  • Who knew cracking an excel password was so easy, few lines of code then Bam! College computing taught me something after all
  • Saw a grown man make an Excel chart and then dance like he was “raising the roof” tonight. #celebratorybarcharts #proudclassmate
  • Today’s lesson: if you ask Excel to calculate and graph every cell from 1 to infinity, there’s a very good chance it will crash on you
  • Microsoft Excel’s favorite prank: Waiting until I’m trying to close down and get out between downpours and freezing so I can’t save my work.
  • I can’t wait to get home from work so I can play with excel till the last hours of the morning… #Igetthegeekinessfrommysupercooldad
  • I just learned how to do a pivot table in Excel and my life is forever changed. #nerdalert
  • Can’t believe I made an excel formula to basically do my job for me and nobody has even clicked on. Chilled like a boss #paidtolookpretty
  • I don’t know why I expected to be doing actual work with insurance related things when I graduated. Should’ve majored in Excel.
  • Excel has 17 billion cells/sheet. Who was working and was like “ugh this is way to small. Can we make it like 16 billion? that should work”
  • Curing work fatigue by matching the colour scheme of my excel file with my outfit colour.
  • I can’t get my nested IF formula to work so I’m going home!! #excel
  • Anyone else ever just open an excel file and tap the direction keys to make it look & sounds like work?!? #officeTweet
  • my mom was a financial analyst for years so i assumed she knew how to use excel to make charts and things but nope. “I was before computers”

I should have majored in Excel www.exceltheatre.com/blog

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Excel Twitter 20140131

Excel says "Wow, that's a big workbook" like it's coming on to me exceltheatre.comDon’t let Excel cut into your nap time, and don’t fall for its pickup lines. Before you know it, you’ll find yourself in a café, making charts.

  • I could be sleeping or watching netflix, but no I’m learning how to work excel.
  • When did they change Excel so that making a pie chart is more excruciating than standing on lego?
  • New boss just asked me if I was any good at Excel. Not sure if should feign ignorance on this one
  • Completed 1st #Excel course at work yesterday & already feel like the #HarryPotter of Excel. Accio data validation! Wingardium pivot table!
  • “The Excel baseline” to me is the true test of a business application’s usability. Do users prefer to work in Excel over your software?
  • Professor said “use a pivot table” and I started having internship PTSD. #thestruggle
  • Today I taught a physio how to refresh a pivot table. This will apparently revolutionise how patient reviews are managed. #infointoaction
  • Have I mentioned that I once took 8hrs to draw up a chart on excel? I was sweating and all by the end of it but it was perfect.
  • My long-term love affair with Excel is being jeopardised by attempts to create a box-and-whisker chart #wrongtoolsforthejob
  • Hey people at work: why are you so terrible at filling out an excel spreadsheet correctly?! Fixing other people’s data problems since 2012.
  • Still cracks me up when Excel says “Wow, that’s a big workbook” like it’s coming onto me
  • If you are a data nerd, you already know Excel sucks and should have a work around. Otherwise, you aren’t a data nerd. #nerd
  • Doing a gantt chart is easy. Unless you’re doing it on excel. And you don’t know how to use excel. Then its a nightmare.
  • Prof just said “if you don’t show work and use excel instead, even though it might take you less time, you will get 50%” That makes sense
  • In a cafe, making Excel charts. You? ; )
  • Geeky moment here but I just got my first Macro on Excel to work! BOOM
  • Did you know that by Day 3 in a migraine, Excel becomes actually three-dimensional? You should SEE this pie chart I just made vibrate.
  • Numbers is a spreadsheet for people who don’t like spreadsheets in same way that not having a car is a car for people who don’t like cars
  • Hey guy next to me, no I don’t think it’s cute that you don’t know how to create a graph on Excel. Being stupid is NOT cute.

Excel says "Wow, that's a big workbook" like it's coming on to me exceltheatre.com

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Excel Twitter 20140124

I just renamed my budget worksheet in Excel to "yikes" www.exceltheatre.com

Would your younger self be proud of how much you know about Excel? Or would your younger self think your life is a horror movie?

  • “Son, prepare a spreadsheet with the chores you’ve done and create a pivot table to compare chore time vs homework time.” Business Dad
  • Omg I didn’t pay attention in class yesterday and now were building charts in excel and I don’t understand anything.
  • After finding 7 mistakes in my boss’ excel spreadsheet, I’m thinking of sending an editing invoice. 😉 Yeah, that’ll go over well.
  • i honestly don’t understand what some people do to data in Excel that makes it impossible for the next person (me) to be able to work on it.
  • If your struggling with creating an excel workbook you should not be in business school
  • ”I’m good at this picture crap” – stepdad creating charts on excel. Lol #WhenOldPeopleDoTechnology
  • I am in report heaven. Best type of work day – Excel, pencil & a highlighter. #supernerdatwork
  • I also noted that Excel spreadsheets don’t support emoticons. 😉
  • I just renamed my budget worksheet in Excel to “yikes” if that gives you any indication of how much I overspent in December. #BAB
  • Just dragged a sheet from one excel workbook to another. It worked. That’s my Friday. #nerd
  • I’ll tell you this: there is absolutely nothing quite like mindless Excel-filled code-sending drudgery to start the morning. Ack!
  • My secondary monitor at work has some burn in from excel constantly being open. This is going to bug me, now that I know it’s there.
  • Just closed the excel workbook I’ve spent all day on without saving it! Only just discovered you can restore accidentally unsaved work! #YES
  • If only this stuff were done in code and not Excel’s muddle of WYSIWYG, wizards, and macros, we could just friggin’ sort(func()) and—ta-da!
  • Excel…. You clear the clipboard buffer for random and stupid reasons and I hate you…. That is all
  • my younger self is embarrassed at my current LACK of excel knowledge….#spss #pivottable #charts
  • Writing a horror screenplay. So far I only have the title: “Boss Just Asked Me to Prepare an Excel Spreadsheet.”
  • today is my first day of work and in order to get hired I had to lie and say I was very good at Microsoft Excel….wish me luck

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I just renamed my budget worksheet in Excel to "yikes" www.exceltheatre.com

Excel Twitter 20140117

How can Excel make labeling a chart seem like rocket science?All the cool kids are hooking up their laptops to their televisions, so they can watch waterfall chart tutorials on YouTube.

  • Getting a convoluted excel formula to actually work is strangely satisfying.
  • For future reference Excel, I am ALWAYS sure I want to keep the workbook in this format.
  • Most of my dates come from women witnessing the fluidity and effortless efficiency of my excel work
  • Told my boss I was a pro at excel. (I am not a pro at excel.)
  • just used the Visual Basic Editor to make 11 copies of an excel worksheet in a workbook *flexes muscles*
  • People at work keep confusing “programming” with “using the basic utilization of excel”
  • How can Excel make labeling a chart seem like rocket science? #ihatemicrosoft #stillconfused
  • Oh screw you, you long-winded Excel worksheet. Just sitting there and judging me like you’re all that.
  • I just got really excited bc I realized I can hook up my work laptop to my tv at home to look at Excel spreadsheets.
  • finished my big excel project at work only to accidentally click “do not save.” i am so angry i have cycled back around to weirdly calm.
  • Would totally bet all the cool kids are going to @YouTube to view videos on how to create a waterfall chart in excel like I just did.
  • If anything will bring me to tears at work, it’s losing a wksheet I spent 3 hours on because excel crashed & I’m too stupid to click save.
  • Can’t figure out this pivot table nonsense… And I can’t throw my laptop at the wall. Life is full of #barriers
  • How much fun is waking up at 2am thinking about solving a stupid formula problem in excel
  • One day you feel like an Excel genius and the very next day a stupid space in between letters give you so much trouble
  • Making it look like you’re working hard on a spreadsheet with a half completed pivot table is the best way to get people to leave you alone
  • just learned how to use a pivot table.. im gonna be 15% more efficient now!! #nerdalert
  • Excel has told me I have a ‘significant loss in functionality’ I think this is secret code for ‘you’re being useless, go & drink some wine’

How can Excel make labeling a chart seem like rocket science?

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Excel Twitter 20140110

The answer to my Excel pivot table problem does not lie at the bottom of a bowl of onion dipIt’s okay to have the occasional snack at your desk, but even the 8th graders know that you should keep the exploding donut charts away from the onion dip.

  • Doing some number crunching at work. And by number crunching I mean copy and pasting into Excel.
  • When excel insists on freezing, due to the size of my workbook, it really brings my homicidal tendencies to the surface
  • My boss knew something about #Excel that I didn’t… I have failed at life and brought dishonor to my family ?? #Sulking #Fail
  • green tea, daft punk, and epic excel charts. sometimes you just have to power through #mondays.
  • Highly considering doing an excel chart of my burrito consumption for 2014 #doitforscience
  • The second I get a research task at work, I open Excel and make that table of research look pretty. They’re lucky i’m not adding wordart.
  • Leaving a ‘space’ in number when trying to work out a calculation in #excel will lead to hours of frustration. #facepalm
  • Making an Excel graph is special because no matter how many times you look up how to do it, you will ALWAYS forget again.
  • Accidentally opened Excel and my laptop had a fit because it thought I was going to do some work… False Alarm.
  • my 8th graders are using excel to track science data in school. changing visuals. SO proud of my son: “the pie chart is worthless” yes. yes.
  • Does the person that wrote the code that causes MS Excel to arbitrarily change numbers to a date still work there? Why oh why oh WHY!
  • My son is learning to use Excel in school. His assignment? Create a 3D pie chart. I’ll have a word with the teacher.
  • Today I spent a significant portion of my day hijacking and rewriting code for Excel’s Cut, Copy and Paste functions. Because I hate myself.
  • Listening to dark techno at work makes me feel like the fate of the world rests on me completing these Excel spreadsheets
  • Journey’s “Faithfully” just came on Pandora at work and these Excel spreadsheet updates JUST GOT EPIC.
  • My favorite Excel chart type is exploded donut. Fun to say and even more fun to make.
  • I used to be in a band called We Can’t Use Excel. We never made the charts. #iwasinaband
  • I used up 99% of my CPU running a pivot table in excel and it’s not even noon. #whathaveyoudonetoday
  • Tonight I learned that the answer to my Excel pivot table problem does not lie at the bottom of a bowl of onion dip. The more you know.

The answer to my Excel pivot table problem does not lie at the bottom of a bowl of onion dip

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Excel Twitter 20140103

Nothing says 'I love you' like a pivot table. Weekly collection of #Excel tweetsAre you glad to be back at work after the holidays, and using spreadsheets again? Pace yourself though – don’t make too many charts or pivot tables on your first day back.

  • Throwing my name in the ring for employee of the month after using a VLOOKUP & a pivot table within 12 hours of a holiday.
  • The first work day every January when I have to set up new spreadsheets and have to use Excel help because I forgot how to format the cells!
  • Me and Excel just do not get along. I keep getting error messages every time I attempt to change a code. ??????
  • Strangely, I missed being at work. Was good to be back… Even if I did only get to look at Excel Spreadsheets
  • The most exciting thing I’ve done today is create a pivot table for the first time. Just a tad depressing.
  • Make a chart in Excel to zest it up a bit.
  • I’ve got my graph on excel but I’m not even sure if it’s right! #idontcareanymore #ihategeography
  • That metallic, grinding sound you’re hearing is my MacBook Air attempting to open a 6MB Excel Macro-Enabled Workbook … with OpenOffice.
  • After having to Google “How to create a graph in Excel” I have come to the conclusion that I am truly hopeless with technology.
  • Tomorrow’s work goal: code this excel book to auto update all 9 billion charts when I dump end of year data in jan and still leave by 5pm
  • Charts sound super handy, and I can see Excel being good for that.
  • I dunno, nothing says ‘i love you’ like a pivot table.
  • I am SHOCKED to discover that a lobbyist would put out a 3D pie chart. They are Excel’s built-in “lie” function.
  • Shared Christmas dinner with the inventor of the pivot table yesterday. Impressed.
  • My silly work still uses Excel 2003. Some have upgraded to 2010, it just took me minutes to find how to conditional format. I feel old.
  • Work today: copy numbers from one Excel spreadsheet to another for a study I’m doing. No, I can’t automate it. Lucky I got a PhD!
  • I suggest everyone learn to code something, even if it is Visual Basic for Applications or an Excel spreadsheet. I’m learning R now.
  • I know I say it every year but this year is going to be the year of the pivot table for me.

Nothing says 'I love you' like a pivot table. Weekly collection of #Excel tweets

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Excel Twitter 20131227

The company I work in still uses Excel 2003...I feel like a caveman.When Excel crashes, is it a sign from God, or the work of Satan? Did the cavemen have these problems?

  • Microsoft Excel WILL NOT ruin my holiday break. JUST WORK!!!
  • Oh it’s 2AM already? Excel knows it’s time to begin freezing up on and closing unexpectedly. Work of Satan, I tell you.
  • In #dataviz the days of the 3d pie chart are over, 2d donut charts are the way forward now. #Excel
  • First day off work and I’ve made a colour coded excel spreadsheet timetable for the next few days – and people say I don’t know how to relax
  • My man knows his way around an Excel worksheet and just calculated my grades in a flash. It doesn’t get hotter than that.
  • Making scatter graphs and bar charts on excel is a lot harder than I though it would be
  • Can’t believe I did some Excel work during my holidays! ??
  • Excel crashed on me twice and deleted my work. Must be a sign from god to stop work and rest for today.
  • It’s officially that time of day at work where I copy and paste nonsense from one excel spread sheet to another. #fakework #lookbusy
  • After 4 years I finally mentioned to my current work colleagues that I’m *very* good at MS Excel. I am already regretting this.
  • No matter how down I get, I remember that at least I’m not in a career that requires me to understand how functions in Microsoft Excel work.
  • #beyonce drops a surprise album, ppl lose their minds. I update an #Excel template at work unexpectedly, no one notices…#corporateamerica
  • The company I work in still uses Excel 2003. In computing, ten years is like a geological age. I feel like a caveman.
  • Question: What would reporters do without Excel pivot tables? Answer: A) Suck. B)Have more friends. C)Work. #journalism
  • Coworkers LinkedIn boasts excel skill, yet she can’t even make a simple bar graph. Hmmm.
  • I want to do something fancy in Excel. I find out it requires VisualBasic code. I do not want to do something fancy in Excel anymore.
  • A pivot table I thought would be simple has just spooged data all over the place. That is the technical term for what just happened.
  • Whenever I try and leave early someone messes up the links in excel #fml

The company I work in still uses Excel 2003...I feel like a caveman.

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Excel Tweets INDEX Function Video

Happy holidays! If you “Gantt” get what you want for Christmas, a little whiskey might help ease your pain. There’s a Gantt chart video at the end of the page, that might help too. Or, if you want to feel like an INDEX function boss, check out the video below.

  • New thing I learn bout my boss today : he doesn’t know how to insert a picture in a microsoft excel worksheet.
  • Its a poor show when the best thing that happens to you all day is getting an excel graph to work right #composites
  • Stupid excel. If you crash my stupid PC one more time today…. I’m going to keep using you and call you stupid b/c I lack an alternative.
  • I don’t think my boss noticed that I titled a project timeline’s tab in Excel as “You Gantt Always Get What You Want”.
  • “You managed to ruin my day by asking me to create a chart in my Excel!” cries the technical expert on my team. #evilgenius
  • Showed 2 co-workers how to make a bar chart in Excel (took 30 sec).  You would have thought I cured world hunger AND cancer.  #LowBarHere
  • Oh well- back to work! These spreadsheets aren’t gonna calculate themselves – oh wait yes they do! #Excel
  • @BillGates I have been a keen macro writer with Excel but this week lost faith.’Share workbook’ option+VBA = 0 functionality.
  • Based on my junk mail recently, someone in Asia really wants me to open their Excel file. Must be a really awesome chart in there.
  • I’m in pivot table hell. Send whiskey.
  • my boss always coughs when he comes over to my desk. i think it’s a warning to minimize twitter and maximize an excel spreadsheet.
  • You know you got issues when you make weekly car pool charts on excel and text it to all the moms every Sunday. Lol. #ocd #businessmomprobs
  • Reading about pivot table for dummies online.Yup,im pretty sure i qualified as a dummy,still lost.
  • I am not being sarcastic….I LOVE charts, color coding, and organizing who goes where. My wedding planning was one huge excel workbook.
  • Pivot table analysis reveals my Xmas present buying breakdown: 35% books, 31% clothes, 34% My Little Pony.
  • How many of the immortal Bard’s most famous plot twists & misunderstandings could have been resolved with a simple pivot table?
  • Anyone know where the “that was a stupid idea” function on Excel is?
  • I feel like such a boss when I use concatenate and index function in excel *smiling from ear to ear*

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Video: Excel Gantt Chart

To see the steps for creating a WORKDAY formula and Excel Gantt chart, you can watch this short video. For the written steps, go to the Simple Project Planning With Excel Gantt Chart post on my Contextures blog.

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Video: Find Best Price with Excel INDEX and MATCH Functions

To see the steps for finding the store with the lowest price, watch this Excel INDEX and MATCH Functions video. For the written steps, go to the Find Best Price post on my Contextures blog.

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I'm in pivot table hell. Send whiskey.

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Excel Twitter 20131213

clippy office assistant Oh no! We don’t want to see the Office paperclip popping up in Excel! Didn’t Clippy retire around the same time as Bill Gates?

  • said it once. will say it again. why does excel act like it is trying to win a nobel prize. i just want to make a bar graph yo
  • VBA with Excel is so slow, it’s like my code is being forwarded to Bill Gates’ inbox, who then does everything by hand and sends it back
  • I thought I cursed a lot when working in excel. My boss has proven that I am no longer queen.
  • HAH. Fixed the problem. It was totally my stupidity at work but I figured it out all by myself so take that, Excel.
  • Got such an outdated version of Microsoft excel it still has that stupid paperclip
  • If someone could tell me when I’d use a histogram or pivot table in programming I’d be willing to listen.
  • Haha. Boss, entire aircraft were designed using slide rules. So Excel is still high tech enough for what they did then 🙂
  • I know they pay me and I shouldn’t care but I’m at least hoping for an attaboy for this huge excel workbook I made.
  • I figured out this Excel chart thing for a work project, yay me! Excel is of the devil, and I will treat myself to something tasty later. 🙂
  • As someone who does a lot of excel work, wonky tables usually inspire me to feats of wine, rather than opposite.
  • PLEASE DOES ANYONE IN THE WORLD KNOW HOW TO MAKE A BAR CHART ON EXCEL WHY IS IT SO HARD WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU MICROSOFT I HATE YOU?
  • Questionable things I’ve done in excel: worksheet with 104+ columns
  • When Excel runs your CPU to 100% for 2-3 minutes just to redraw a graph, you may have a lot of data points.
  • I thought I was going to be fired because I turned the most important excel spreadsheet into a chart with no idea how to put it back.
  • Just made an Excel pivot table for the first time in the “real world.” And it only took over 6 months.
  • The quest for the perfect graph is a long, painful and arduous one. Excel is a deceitful mistress. #DatCrabHype #MarineBiologyProblems
  • Dad: “Harv how do you make a pivot table?” Me: “I don’t know dad” Dad: “you’re bloody useless then aren’t you”
  • A vendor just tried to mansplain what a pivot table is and how they’re useful for “data guys” as if I don’t live that ‘data artisan’ life

Got such an outdated version of Microsoft Excel it still has that stupid paperclip

Got such an outdated version of Microsoft Excel it still has that stupid paperclip

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Excel Twitter 20131206

imageOf course you need a pivot table to track your Christmas spending! Every Excel fanboy and English major knows that.

  • The day I discovered that you can add color to your worksheet tabs in Excel was the day no file was safe. COLOR CODE EVERYTHING
  • About to graduate Rutgers and still having trouble making a bar chart on excel
  • Someone’s just said something so lovely to me that it made my pivot table go all blurry.
  • My Ms Excel worksheets have more color in them than what my room walls have had in decades…. Just the way I work..
  • I have determined that, while I am quite skilled at Excel (nested ifs, vlookup, etc), I am not yet a pivot table or array formula savant.
  • I mean, unless it’s for work, who has time to be faffing about with Excel anyway?!
  • My excel graph looks hideous but I DON’T CARE
  • I feel like Oprah with Pivot tables today. You get a pivot table you get a pivot table everyone gets a pivot table!
  • That brief moment when you know everything will be alright after you make your excel model work.
  • Did I just create a pivot table to analyze my Xmas gift spending? #whennerdsshop
  • he was a curious fellow, yes, it was bloody cold outside and he was doing charts in excel, on his lunch break.
  • that awkward moment when you’ve been using an if(vlookup(… formula this whole time and you could have used a pivot table. #TheWorst
  • Hey buddy, I’m an English major, you can’t just all of a sudden expect me to know how to add graphs, charts and excel sheets to a paper.
  • The fact that my laptop shut itself off before I could save my hw was tragic. The fact that excel autosaved my work is a FINALS WEEK MIRACLE
  • Don’t know what’s worse: that I’m still at work, that I’m working in Excel, or that I had to bump the display to 150% to see the damn cells.
  • There is a special place in my heart* for the Microsoft people who made Excel work differently in Mac vs PC. *in hell… fiery hell..
  • I actually saw the phrase “Excel fanboy” on a website today while looking up something for work.
  • I finally understand the importance of Microsoft Excel. Seemed stupid when I was a kid and now it seems more useful than water #needtosleep

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Excel Twitter 20131129

imageYou survived Thanksgiving, with a little help from Excel. Now be careful – there are spreadsheets full of sharks out there!

And Contextures is having a Black Friday Sale — get our Excel Tools add-in at 50% off with discount code CTXBF13 — until midnight Eastern time, Friday Nov. 29th.

  • So far today I’ve had major arguments with an excel worksheet and a pencil. The pencil won.
  • I am computer competent. You want a fancy excel worksheet I’m your girl. Hell I can even sort of partially do some programming for you
  • So, you’ve come here to tell me about excel spreadsheets and you don’t know what a pivot table is? #thedooristhatway
  • Is there any way to make information look less credible than using a default blue Excel chart (with two decimal places) pasted as a picture?
  • If anyone knows how to use the stupid microsoft excel thing plz come help me in the library
  • Just finished my Thanksgiving spreadsheet. Oven temps & time allocations, etc. over 3 worksheets + ingredient pivot table. #nerdsgiving
  • Dude at work asked me how to colour a cell on Excel. Why are they allowed computers.
  • Just downloaded an excel chart reporting shark incidents. This is procrastination at its finest. #WishMyDissertationWasAboutSharks
  • While calling cells from another workbook on an Excel spreadsheet, I realized that laziness is the genesis of programming.
  • I will get this pivot table to work. Why the data team didn’t structure the workbook into something usable in the first place I have no idea
  • The lasting accomplishment of my college career will be finally learning how to create a pivot table in MS Excel.
  • None of the MS excel you ever learned in school or college will ever help you in real life. Lessons of work life. #gyaan.
  • I fear my pet Excel project at work has become so effective that I just eliminated a large chunk of my desk based work. #SkynetRises
  • I just discovered a new excel formula combo at work. All is right in the world and tonight, I shall fiest like a king.
  • I was supposed to have left work about 2 hours ago to go shopping for Thanksgiving. I JUST COULDN’T LET EXCEL WIN!
  • You know you’re doing complex work on Ms Excel when the fan on your laptop is on full tilt and you can’t browse the web whilst it processes.
  • My boss won’t stop swearing at this excel sheet.
  • My big accomplishment today was making a graph in excel in under 5 min, compared to the 2 hrs it took me last time #progess

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