Do you write better Excel code in the shower? Or does Excel move like a snail, no matter where you are? Do you think ‘total’ or ‘summary’ is the most used worksheet name in MS Excel? If you really hate someone, make him work on a code or an excel model made by someone else….
Yes, an Excel spreadsheet might be a terrifying Halloween costume, but what if it’s girly and obnoxious too? Would that be more or less terrifying? Awesome. I’m being put to work using Excel. I wish everyday was like this. I’ve done a spreadsheet of beers I want to try at the Nottingham beer festival. I…
If you don’t have a pet bird that will help with your Excel work, maybe the guy sitting beside you on the train would have some advice. Or, ask the auditor to help you. But there’s no audit trail with a pivot table. So auditors don’t like ’em. That’s why I use ’em. Apparently some…
If Excel is giving you nightmares, try to avoid the omnishambles, and stop using radar charts. Terror is knowing that somewhere, somehow, a gov’t employee is using a calculator to fill in values in an Excel ’97 spreadsheet. I guess I don’t know Excel as well as I thought I did. WTH is a pivot…
If you’re only as hot as your last worksheet, you’d better skip the pool parties and focus on that budget. My Excel teacher just stopped in the middle of class and goes, "Oooh, I just love this stuff! It’s so fun!" #crazycatlady Just made the most perfect chart on Excel:) #nerdtweet Chances are increasing rapidly…
Where did your life go wrong? Did you forget to alphabetize? Was it a result of dedication or procrastination or time wasted on Excel Gantt charts? In a given week, my boss talks to me about this excel spreadsheet for at least 10 hours. Today, we are talking about color coding:( That awkward moment when…
Don’t worry – I have those Excel dreams too. Let’s blame the NFL replacement #REF!s. I just used Excel to convert data to percentages, then multiply by chart height to get accurate pixels. All hope is gone. #dataNerd My boss wants me to put all this info on an excel spread sheet. I don’t think…
Your day will go better if you wear a super cute outfit, and drink coffee, while working on those tough pivot table problems. It is a mistake to think you can solve any problem just with potatoes or Microsoft excel I think i have a problem…..making a list on excel just calmed me down!!!! #organize…
Sure, but could a British boy show you how to make a chart with an exploding coin? Or would you have to search for that on YouTube? Just answered my boss’ MS Excel question with "Is forbidden!!", in the voice of the creepy alien from #StarTrek III. I need a vacation. You can never have…
When you finish the code that listens for Christmas sleigh bells, please send me a copy. I’ll send you the $10 that I found in my jeans (if I still have it). Took the day off and still ended up producing an Excel pivot table and chart (for personal finances). What is wrong with me….
Are you a scientist yet? Maybe if you create a few more Excel charts you’ll qualify for the job. If not, you could be an Excel rapper. Guy I tutored in data validation in Excel just came to me for help. Cool thing is he almost remembered how to do it himself. #goodfeeling If I…
Don’t judge me on my Excel colour choices! That might erase another precious childhood memory, or force me to write a song about spreadsheets. "If you understand this, your life will be very easy….. in Excel at least." Hilarity at Sunday work training. Going to make the daddy of all sandwiches & then plan my…
If you increase your Excel charting skills, you’ll be ready to work on a file that has millions of formulae. And you might even qualify for a sandwich! Today I ate an crustless egg sandwich and figured out how to copy charts from Excel to PowerPoint using VBA. Living the dream. Oh no wait… can’t…
After you waste two hours struggling with a chart or pivot table, call your nephew, the finance guy, to see if he can help. It’s better than throwing your computer out the window. I love when my boyfriend decreases my work stress by writing Excel formulas for me! #DatingANerdIsHandy What my night consists of: Excel,…
Do not try to create crazy Excel charts at home, or you might end up with nightmares. Stick to a simple scatter chart, or just scatter some paper on your desk. First working day after leaving my job, ex boss phones to ask how to use Excel #genius They should design Excel so that you…
If the numbers guy doesn’t know how to make a pivot table, that’s bad news. How will you make it look like you’ve hit your target? Never understood the appeal of setting Excel calculation to Manual. Oh, hello 40×500000 cell worksheet almost wholly made of vlookups… If anyone needs me, I’ll be over here, staring…
If you make your mom a burrito, she might wake up and help you with those Excel charts. Mom, wake up please, and teach me how to make a graph on Excel, thanks. Microsoft Excel will be the end of me. I am a human being, I have fingers, and there is a pencil. I…
An octopus graph sounds awesome. That might be worth spending $40,000 to learn – if you have a computer. More than 50% of my MGMT301 class don’t know how to make a bar graph on Excel. #blesstheirsouls #poorchildren My boss just told me that I’m weird because I like excel so much. Chalking that one…
When you figure out what a Gantt chart is, maybe you could explain it to the teacher. Today I worked out a tricky Excel problem and felt pleased about it. It’s moments like this when I wonder where my life went so wrong. Did I just spend 2 hours making one graph on Excel? Yup….
Maybe it’s not the Excel formulas that are giving you a headache. It’s probably those 3-D graphs and the fancy pants formatting. I hate the fact that the spreadsheet I need to make a beer recipe is on my other computer. just crashed excel by asking it to plot a graph. that is how well…
Never be an accountant, even if they try to lure you in with jumpy radio head tracks and a grocery list. #TermsIHate: "The system seems very slow". What system? You work on Excel and Word. Is it the internet, the LAN, what?! excel has to be the new porn… else I can’t explain why I’m…
If the Internet stops working, and cuts off your music supply, just make up your own songs, to sing while you’re using Excel. Thanks to Youtube, I now know how to use Excel for my needs. Damn I love Youtube! What a life saver! I love my job, but it makes me hate Microsoft Excel….
If you’re tired of churning out Excel charts, go on a relaxing vacation, but try to avoid the kebab queues – someone might try to feed you a 3-D chart! For some reason, now I’m the IT chick at work. I have no idea how to fix computers, but I can format your Excel spreadsheet….
If it’s your birthday, should you be allowed to use Calibri font, coloured cells and default Excel charts in your reports? I love "code" that uses syntax and operators correctly. Excel macros are in some made up Microsoft language. I hate it! You know you’re ready to start work when you spent the day creating…
If you’re too tired to filter by colour, you might as well quit for the day, before your boss starts to judge you. This Excel program is actually pretty cool… and smart. It just did all my work for me. Work: the soul sucking place that makes you wake up early and do stuff with…
Would a dewonker help, if your boss types the wrong data in your spreadsheet, or asks you to build a 100% stacked pyramid chart? Discovered the equivalence of "hard labor" for computer work: Modifying Excel reports and formatting their borders and colors. One day Excel will be able to work out what kind of chart…
Excel has perhaps driven you to drink on occasion, but has it ever made you see everything in Greek? Excel is refusing to work in some very creative and (almost) humorous ways. I’m getting punk’d by Microsoft. The look of awe on someones face when u teach them to do a pivot table is #priceless…
I’m sorry, but we can’t work together in Excel. You like 100% stacked pyramid charts, and Nickelback. I’ve become the type of person who says things like "why is this not a pivot table? ugh!" #excel I’m watching a guy work with data and charts on the train. The way he moves around excel is…
A jug of wine, some Mozart, and air conditioning – the perfect ending for an exhausting day with Excel. I was just called over to someone’s office to help them delete a worksheet from excel. This job makes me look good. Excel returned a "Catastrophic failure" error today. Guess Microsoft feels that having me code…
If you add charts to your wedding planning spreadsheet, does your heart beat faster, making it even more romantic? I can hack a Swiss bank account, monitor activity on the Moon, and track a cheetah. But insert a check mark in an Excel spreadsheet? I #heart my dad, at my moment of despair he sends…
Is it better if Excel turns all white, and hangs, or would you rather see a purple and yellow spreadsheet, that makes your eyes burn? Excel aways asks "Shift Cells Right?" Or "Shift Cells Left?" I’m just working on a spreadsheet, let’s keep politics out of it, Microsoft! I am pretty sure the meaning of…
If your day wasn’t Excel Lent, work off your frustration with an exploding pie chart. And don’t bore your spouse with the pivot table details when you get home. 5 excel sheets. 10 min. 8 million brownie points with the boss. Thank you 7th grade for teaching me the "sum" function #n00bz Note to self:…
Yes, using Excel can turn you into an adult – an adult who makes very bad basketball jokes. Slouching towards adulthood with one hand in a fist and the other editing a spreadsheet. My manager doesn’t understand Excel. So everytime I make him a spreadsheet in under 2 minutes he thinks I’m a freaking genius….
Try to avoid sacrificing any Excel files today, especially if you’re organizing the next Olympics in that spreadsheet. Asking my dad how much hamburger I should buy for a barbecue inevitably leads to intense number crunching and complicated Excel charts. Is it possible to hide a whole spreadsheet accidentally? Or is that my Excel sacrifice…
Is it even possible to love Excel too much? Strangers on a crowded bus, on the other hand, aren’t usually so appealing. Someone pinch me — I just helped a coworker with an Excel problem. Me! Excel! I’d love to help you with this. First though, what is an "Excel file" and how do you…
Pivot tables can help you work with exponential efficiency, and slay dragons, but please take time to drink and breathe. Ice cream and peanut butter cookies will help too. Actually used a pivot table at work today which is 1 more time than I ever thought I would use it in the real world Sent…